Need a sponsor
 

I have a sponsor. We just sort of chat. I need some serious structure in my life.

wishing you the best in finding the right person for your needs Press :)

D

Hey Press- I've made sponsor changes along the way. I think I agonized over the first one in particular and it was def more than she did. Have you heard anyone talking who "has what you want" ? That was advice I heard early and it has proven to be a guide gauge of help along the way.

Or, it's ok to have a temp sponsor in the meetings around here...

Keep taking care of yourself- you know it's your recovery to own and this is a great step.

glad you recognize that! keep your ears open at meetings. dont be afraid to ask a potential sponsor how they sponsor.

Hello, PressmetilIhurt

I tried probably six sponsors until I found one who was serious about the program. The six women I chose talked good in meetings, but when it came to taking me through the steps, they couldn't because they had not worked the steps themselves.

Maybe pray to your Higher Power and ask that the right person be put in your life. That's what I did.

Drunk-a-logs and chatting do not heal the disease of alcoholism.

Good luck in finding the right one for you.

I have gone through four. One dumped me because of having a few on the side. Another got a job. One was crazy. And the other was texting on dating apps during meetings. The one who dumped me will only talk to me if I do 30 meetings in 30 days. So best of luck with finding a new one. You are doing great Press.

hope you decide to do the 30 in 30.

^^^to sweeti's point...

I have a sponsee who's just past 40 days sober. When she asked me to sponsor her, I gave her my basic SOP. One thing is SHE needs to be the one to text me (first) every morning. Check in, what's up, plans for the day, recovery stuff or not. Doesn't matter. I also laid out that we would meet every Sun after a morning meeting; I didn't care which day/time of meeting but we just found one that fit both our schedules. As far as 90/90, she is in AA and our industry recovery group, goes to a Buddhist center and her psych once a week. That's how we've established what I expect from her. It's a combo of suggestions based on what worked for me, and my belief that a stable foundation based on the steps + appropriate other work is needed. It is working well for us bc she is committed to sobriety.

I balked at a few things my first sponsor said. One was indeed something I found ridiculous - I did it but as it went on, realized that what she meant by calling (not texting) her at 8:15 am every day meant I had a 3 min window from 8:15 - 8:18 and if I called at 8:16 she wouldn't answer and I missed my "window." I use that as an example with my sponsees of what might work for some people like her but doesn't compute with my IRL application of sobriety.

Doing what our sponsors say at the start is essential - and 30/30 is honestly a pretty low bar. 90/90 is the real deal bc it takes about 90 days to establish a new habit. I got 82/90 and that was probably bc I was at the drs office a lot the first couple of wks and that was as important given my near death deal.

I'm doing 90/90 again and now at 24/29 days so i have a little catch up to do. Never a bad time to put (or re-establish) this kind of structure.