Dee74

I agree with Caramel Jo - I'd take it easy with that chest infection.

D

joandmelandhan

Yes Caramel I came to the same conclusion. Perhaps a leisurely strole tonight but nothing to get me out of breath.

joandmelandhan

Oh and I am reminded of an upcoming social event. We are going to York Races on 17th May with work. Free food, free booze and gambling......hmmmm......
I must admit I'm of a mind not to go. I'll mull it over and see how I feel nearer the time. I'm an "out" non-drinker with my colleagues so that isn't the issue but I'm failing to see the point of going. Then again my social calendar is pretty empty as per usual.
Let's see if I can slim down into a dress I already have because spending a lot of money on an outfit I hope to be too slim for soon seems a little pointless. Sorry if I'm sounding vain. I'm really not.
Okay time to cook dinner 🙂

venuscat

It might be nice to go, but no pressure for sure....see how you feel closer to the time. It's good to have something to look forward to that requires getting all prettied up....yes? ♥♥

joandmelandhan

It is yes Suze. My colleagues are lovely people so let's get the focus off the negative side of it and think about a nice day out. I still hide away from socializing far too much. Or rather my inner saboteur likes me isolated. That will come on to my list when I come back to it in a few weeks I think. Night night xxx

Pinky1

Hi Jo I've just read your thread.
You have given me so much inspiration in the past and it's been so appreciated.
Take care and look after yourself xxx

kenton

Hi Jo Jo! Hope you're feeling a little better today and the antibiotics have started to kick in. Just wanted to share with our SR friends that I had the honour of meeting Jo in real life in London last summer. I went to the wrong meeting point initially, despite living in London all my life but hey, that's me. I lack common sense drunk or sober. Anyway, I can confirm that Jo is one of the most gorgeous, kind, thoughtful, funny and wonderful people I've ever met and sometimes it breaks my heart a little to read when she talks about herself in negative terms. Jo, listen to me please... You. Are. Awesome. You've slayed so many demons over the last couple of years and you're working and being an awesome mum.... All at the same time. If you want to lose weight, you'll lose it but don't put pressure on yourself and try to do too much when you're ill. We all want to look our best so I get it but ultimately it's what's inside that matters.... ..that's what we'll be remembered for. And Jo, you have one of the most beautiful souls in the universe so you're already winning. People here and people in the real world... We're lucky to have you in our lives. Your workmates will love spending the day with YOU at the races, the dress you wear is kind of irrelevant. Who remembers the clothes people wear? I don't. I do, however remember kindness, humour and comraderie. So, concentrate on getting well and then when you feel up to it, go swimming... Do yoga.... Do whatever makes you feel good but never forget that you're already enough. You don't seem to realise how awesome you are Jo, so I thought I'd remind you xxxx

venuscat

^^^ ♥♥

Love it!!! As you know, I rather agree with kenton.

joandmelandhan

Sob! Thank you Kenton and Pinky and Suze. Ooh I have something in my eye!
Feeling utterly shattered after work tonight. I'm going to have a little nap. The regime can wait for today.
I do put myself down a lot that's true. I think a lot of it stems from the many years of alcoholism and how I behaved. Of course I know I was ill and I should perhaps nurture myself a little more. Food for thought....
Thank you again for your kind words xxx

joandmelandhan

Another little bed time ramble. Just remembered that I have taken a big step to access counselling offered on the NHS a couple of weeks ago. I have avoided therapy of any kind partly due to the cost of private therapy but mainly because I wanted to leave it until the girls leave home and I can unravel a little. Seeing my GP regularly about the medication has allowed me to gain confidence that I can talk to medical professionals openly without fear of being reported to social services (I've been anonymously reported twice in the past and last time I was told I'd be reported for child neglect if it happened again). That's why I never saw my GP when I was going through withdrawals. That's why I didn't get my bloods done until I was 100 days sober. Pure fear that if they knew it would be game over and I'd lose my girls.
When my eldest daughter was suffering with her mental health last summer we got her some psychotherapy. I called her to tell her about my alcoholism in case it was a factor in my daughter's problems. She was utterly shocked that I got sober with no medical support. In fact my GP too seems to be very impressed with my resolve to my sobriety. What a shame I felt that I couldn't ask for help when I really needed it
I got my help here.
I poured my heart out and was "listened" to. I will never forget that.
Goodnight xxx

venuscat

Oh jojo honey s

As you know I know a lot of this, and I have ALWAYS been so very impressed with how much you have done on your own....I did too, pretty much, and gosh it's hard. But I didn't have those threats hanging over my head, how scary for you

Thank God you came here....and are here now.....we will ALWAYS listen and love you and care, and maybe even help a bit. ♥♥

kenton

Hi Jo! Just wanted to say hello. I hope you're having a lovely Saturday. I love the Saturdays of bank holiday weekends. It's kind of like having an extra Friday - but a Friday where no one has to work or go to school. So actually, it's nothing like a Friday. It's exactly like a saturday. But tomorrow will be like another Saturday and Monday becomes the new Sunday and by the time we all go back to work on Tuesday, no one will have a clue what day it is. Anyway, I hope you're having a lovely Saturday 😘 xxxx

venuscat

^^^

MindfulMan

i was just going to say I found it odd that you are having issues with mental health, but didn't mention therapy or medication.

So glad to read your post above!

Your goals are admirable and will take you a long way towards where you want to be. Perhaps all the way! However, therapy is invaluable to address underlying conditions, as well as some of the underlying trauma or whatever there is that we tried to medicate with alcohol. My outpatient rehab strongly advised doing so, otherwise you are just abstinent and all of the big bads that were covered by the drinking are still there. I believe that AA at least partially addresses this with the 12 Steps, but I'm a big fan of using whatever tools are available in sobriety.

It's possible that some sort of psych meds could help you as well. Once sober and doing all of the self care that you've suggested, plus therapy, if you're still feeling that way don't be ashamed to seek medical attention. Just research heavily and be your own advocate. I view my psychiatrist as my teammate in dealing with my Bipolar II disorder, not my coach!

Keep it up, and do whatever it takes. Life is too precious to waste on unhappiness.

Mags1

Hi Jo, thinking of you and I hope your appointment with the counselling goes well. ’s

venuscat

Where is our jojo.......thinking of you honey. ♥♥

joandmelandhan

Ugh! I had forgotten how hard it is to be hit with illness and try to do things at the same time.
On top of the virus I have a really heavy head cold and I'm really quite unwell (of course totally recoverable unwell). Been sent home from work this week and all of my good intentions have temporarily gone out of the window. I couldn't generate the energy to go for a swim or even walk the dog if I tried.
Moan, moan, moan...……………
Okay that's out of the way!
Still got a couple of weeks before my telephone therapy appointment - well I think it's more of a pre-therapy session to see if I am indeed in need of the service.
Just very fed up and want to feel better soon. It's 6 weeks since I started with this and it is getting me down. The habits are reverting back to that of general slob and my self-esteem is going the same way.
I have next week off work as it is school holidays so hopefully a break will help me to recover a little quicker.
Still sober!!!!!!!!!!!

venuscat

More love honey and more hugs. And some of this. xx ♥♥

Dee74

Hope you feel better soon Jo

D

joandmelandhan

I am in a mess. My mental health has gone seriously downhill and the thought of numbing it all out with alcohol is on my mind every day. This is dangerous territory for me and I am frightened.
I am literally incapable of functioning like and adult when it comes to stress situations. The latest thing is that my daughter needs a brace on her teeth and the NHS will not cover the cost. I have had to ask her dad for half of the money and this process has been like mental torture. I know I am being utterly irrational when I deal with him. Her frightens me and I have absolutely no power over his decision which of course was a long, drawn out, patronising "no". I am now home alone in utter bits and don't know what to do with myself.

So here is my plan:
Have a coffee (decaf)
Walk the dog
Go to the doctors (I have an appointment at 12)
Get ready for MIL visit - yes his mum is coming to see me today. Why on earth did I arrange that? I will end up blubbing and it all coming out and it may well escalate which is my worst nightmare.

I know I'm babbling right here too but I am in a state of panic and stress.

Please let me have the strength not to drink today...…...