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Tail between my legs

Old 04-24-2019, 12:44 PM
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Tail between my legs

What helped me to quit and stay quit was finding a program that helped me look at my life and my patterns of behaviours so I could update everything to make it supportive to me staying quit.

I also learnt new coping techniques so I was less likely to pick up a drink as my solve all as I used to. I hear you about feeling life became flat and lifeless.

There are plenty of different programs available so it is about seeing which one appeals to you and feels a good fit.

There is a thread listing a variety of programs out there. I will try and find it and link below.

All the best.
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Old 04-24-2019, 12:46 PM
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https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...formation.html (Recovery Programs and Resources Information)
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Old 04-24-2019, 12:49 PM
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Hi letsgetsorted. Good to see you back. Pick yourself up again. What were the tools that kept you sober before? Get back to using them and donít stop. We can all live sober successfully, but not if we let complacency set in. I donít believe anyone is ever cured from alcoholism. I will forever be a ďrecoveringĒ not a ďrecoveredĒ alcoholic no matter how long Iím sober (have over two years now). Itís ok with me, though, because I love my sober life and all the ways sobriety has changed me as a person.

Hope to keep seeing you here.
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Old 04-24-2019, 01:16 PM
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We've almost certainly all been there. I've been there, for sure. What you can do is keep sober, examine what you need to do this time to stay sober, check in here and keep it moving. It happens, but that doesn't mean it should happen again. What can you do differently this time?
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Old 04-24-2019, 01:44 PM
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Early recovery is a time of change and it's so important to make changes that help to support your recovery. I hope that you can think of things that you would love to do, things that you enjoy. What kinds of things interest you? Can you find a way of getting involved in some activities in your community that you might enjoy?
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Old 04-24-2019, 06:21 PM
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I do not know where to go from here.

An AA meeting?
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Old 04-24-2019, 06:24 PM
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Where to go is back to sobriety.

If you don't give up and start again with a new and improved plan, things can get better quickly.

Coming back here and posting about what happened was an excellent first step.

If you haven't already, get rid of any other booze in the house and make a plan to detox safely.

We understand. You aren't alone and you can certainly beat this addiction.
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Old 04-24-2019, 06:27 PM
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I'm sorry you drank letsgetitsorted.

I know at times you've expressed a reluctance to share anything that wasn't 'positive'.

I think sometimes we need to share everything good and bad.

You've proven you can be sober - now you have to work on making those changes permanent.

Life can sometimes feel joyless and without reward - thats one of the main weapons our addicted self has - we want to feel good and we want to believe there's an easy quick fix.

There are fixes - there is a sober life you'll love waiting for you to build it - but most of that takes time energy, patience and a little hope and faith - like all really good things do

D
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Old 04-24-2019, 07:40 PM
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letsgetsorted:

There's only one way from here, if you want your life to improve. Congrats on the 100+ days of sobriety. That's a good muscle you've strengthened there already. OK so you've fallen off the horse, but you know you can do this and you gotta get back on. The difference this time though, is that you can anticipate for *why* you fell off when you did. You were feeling depressed etc, did you make some nice changes to your new sober life that might have helped with that? Can you think of some nice changes now?

Think of all the things that will cease to be joyful if you do continue to drink... honestly.. you know all this.

And you can strengthen your supports and know now that you CAN walk the path forward, and better anticipate your own needs. You got this!
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Old 04-24-2019, 08:34 PM
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Pu the bottle away for a start.

Post here, find a meeting, do what you know you need to do.

I'll be here, we'll be here.
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Old 04-25-2019, 05:01 AM
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Originally Posted by letsgetsorted View Post

I do not know where to go from here.
glad ya made it back when many dont.

first things first:
do you want to stop drinking FOR GOOD?
are you willing to go to ANY lengths for victory over alcohol?
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Old 04-25-2019, 10:27 AM
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Originally Posted by letsgetsorted View Post
I really, really, really want to be normal, I don't want to miss out on stag do's, weddings, lads weekends away etc. (Before anyone says you can do those things sober, you can't, not with my friends, it'd be like going skiing without any ski's)
Replying to this thread having just seen your post on moderation...

...until you can accept not drinking, ever, then you are going to struggle. And probably drink.

Sobriety isn't a punishment.
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Old 04-25-2019, 10:58 AM
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So sorry to read you are drinking again, clearly it isn't making you happy but nor was being sober as fear of missing out.

I think that once we decide to really try to give up drinking and have some success as you did, relapsing becomes a thing of many mixed up emotions and guilt for letting ourselves/ others down, thus alcohol that was once a debatable pleasure becomes a thing of torment ~ can't live with it can't live without it scenario. So painful.

I truly hope you find your way out again, whiskey drunk in secret is not the enjoyment your addicted self imagined it to be.
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Old 04-25-2019, 11:15 AM
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What Carl said....

On your moderation thread I asked if you could ID what the things were that led you to actual drinking -and above, you did. That idea that you "had it" - sounds like a critical piece- then you said another piece "I just want to be normal."

It took me much longer than 100 days, or 200 or .... to see that I had a new normal. The ONE thing I cannot do is drink. That's it. I can do every other thing - and it is the most important thing in my life, so while in early days where you've been, it might seem insane that people like me tell you that you CAN do the things you mention sober....it's true. Or, you find you don't to - with the same friends, or at all. I don't like big parties, so I don't go; I don't have any fear of hanging out in a bar- but it's not something I want to do or have friends who want to do that....so on.

I can just confirm that there is absolutely no downside for me in being sober. And EVERY good thing I have in my life is because I got sober. That's a pretty awesome kind of normal.
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Old 04-25-2019, 11:15 AM
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Originally Posted by letsgetsorted View Post

I really, really, really want to be normal, I don't want to miss out on stag do's, weddings, lads weekends away etc. (Before anyone says you can do those things sober, you can't, not with my friends, it'd be like going skiing without any ski's)
friends that make alcohol the center of having fun and doing fun things arent friends-just drinking buddies.
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Old 04-25-2019, 11:22 AM
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Here's LG's brilliant post on Moderation -
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-drinking.html (Great advice for moderating your drinking)
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Old 04-25-2019, 11:25 AM
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I have friends that like to drink. If we have a game night, they drink. If we have a cookout, they drink. If they have a pool party, they drink. Heck, if we go do yoga, they drink!

I do all these things with them, and don't drink. I have just as much fun and it's not a big deal. Like someone else said, you don't have friends, you have drinking buddies. Find someone who you have a common interest or hobby with.

I did have a few "friends" who we would literally do nothing except go to the bar and drink to get drunk. Our common interest was drinking to get drunk. I no longer have these people in my life, and feel sorry for them quite honestly.
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Old 04-25-2019, 01:05 PM
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Originally Posted by letsgetsorted View Post
Thank you everyone for your thoughtful replies.

There is no point in me writing something just to go along with things. This is where I'm at:

I really, really, really want to be normal, I don't want to miss out on stag do's, weddings, lads weekends away etc. (Before anyone says you can do those things sober, you can't, not with my friends, it'd be like going skiing without any ski's)

I absolutely get what sobriety offers, I've seen it first and second hand. It offers accuracy, stability, safety. I'm just not sure I can commit to a life without the dirtyness of alcohol long term.

But, I will admit, the reason I started drinking again was not so I could down quarter bottles of scotch in secret just to stop the pain in my head. And that's all I've done for the past few days.

Bad times
We've been there, I've been there. I could copy and paste this into the timeline of my drinking life and nothing would be changed. But you can change, if you do the work. And there are sacrifices, I never liked when sober people acted like it was all sunshine - there are things like stag weekends and drunk late nights with friends that you will have to say goodbye too. But we all should grow up at some point. And for some of us that means having to grow beyond things that other people are still able (or willing) to do.
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Old 04-25-2019, 01:32 PM
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You people say stopping is easy staying stopped is hard. I donít agree for me it was really hard to stop You stopped for 130 days thatís great . Ok another day 1 tweak up the plan and make this the last day 1
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