Mariecheese

Day 20. I saw someone today I had been dreading seeing..an acquaintance, the last time I saw her I was in the middle of my last and pretty heavy binge, I talked to her only briefly but was aware I was slurring. The day after I felt that crushing anxiety, did she know I was drunk? does she think less of me? is she talking and gossiping about me? I know some of you might have felt like this at some point? I've always had low self esteem and worried about what people think of me and alcohol made that worse in the long term. I worried about this for days. Anyway she was nice and asked if I had a nice Easter. and all was well and seemed normal. but I felt it was a turning point, I have a choice not to put myself in that sort of position with an acquaintance or friend again, if I choose not to drink.

Surlyredhead

Mariecheese,

Congratulations on 20 days!

I am glad things went smoothly for you. Sometimes the dread we put ourselves through is worse than the encounter itself. Usually, when people from our drinking days see us, and know we are trying to do better, they are pretty cool. There is always that one who doesn't want to hear it, then we kind of have to accept that and walk away. We have all done things we are not proud of, and people we have hurt, they don't owe us forgiveness, that is the hard part of recovery. With time, people see we are sincere in out effort to remain sober and they usually soften their view of us. Until then "To Thine own self be true."

Hugs, Cathy

Midwest1981

Great job on 20 days sober!

Mariecheese

Thankyou you are right, I think most people are forgiving and a few aren't thats life. the dread and anxiety I have felt for nearly 3 weeks isn't worth it at all! Its given me a little motivation that its not too late to change.

Anna

Yes, and it's so important to remember that we never have to go back and behave that way again. I'm glad you're doing well.

Ghostlight1

It's never too late to change. It took me many attempts to quit drinking, but I finally changed and got sober. Just took awhile.
As per your friend, I couldn't tell you how many times that happened to me.
Mainly because I was drunk for thirty years.
Even over the phone I worried if people could tell I was drunk.
It became an obsession, don't let on you're drunk, I'd say to myself.
But, of course, the only one I was fooling was myself.

But, it's never to late to quit drinking. I've met people who quit in their sixties.
You can do it too. Just want to get sober more than you want to drink.
Best to you and glad to have you here.

Ayers

Oh Marie, that sounds sooo familiar.

Congrats on 20 days. That is fantastic.

I used to try and hide behind shelves in grocery stores to avoid talking to people I knew.

It is so great when you can walk proudly, with your head held high because you are sober. Put it all behind you, and don't look back.

Mariecheese

It's so horrible. That feeling. recalling every word up consoling myself that I didn't say anything bad ......but not knowing if I seemed very drunk. I've felt it before but brushed it off after a day or two. This time I was quite haunted/embarrassed by it. I don't ever have to do that again!

MantaLady

I know that feeling all too well! I used to get myself tied up in knots and feel physically sick worrying about what people thought of me, that they knew I was drunk or were judging me or looking down on me, gossiping and laughing behind my back. I have always suffered with a poor self image and low self confidence but the drink amplified it a thousand times and added paranoia into the mix.

I am nearly 11 months sober and the change is like night and day. I still have confidence issues but I am working on them and for the last 6 months haven’t had that gut wrenching anxiety I used to and I am so very grateful for that! x

Mariecheese

Thankyou for the inspiration Mantalady. Congrats on your nearly 11 months! thats brilliant. I hope to achieve the same, defo working on the confidence issues, I've started looking people in the eye again which is a good start haha x

Hevyn

I felt that way a lot in the early days - I had so much to feel ashamed of, & so many regrets. A few times it almost led me back to drinking. Then I got fed up with feeling pathetic & became determined to rise above my sad past. As Ayers said - hold your head high. None of us sets out to sabotage ourselves - and we need to forgive our past behavior so we don't waste any more precious time. Please give yourself a break as you adjust to your new life. Day 20 - we are proud of you.

Dee74

I think everyone can Identify with that dread Marie - but I think most of us can also identify with nothing happening out of that dread
I'm glad things went well!

D