I’ve felt strange today my 19 year old daughter asked what I meant I replied “I can feel
myself which is something I haven’t felt for so long “ I’m worried that I’m not going to like who I really am and others may feel the same. I’ll have to stop reading the symptoms and side effects because that’s worrying me too. I know anxiety is part of the withdrawal symptoms but I think i suffered with it anyway! I’m chuffed I’m nearly at a full week when I remember where I was a week ago agonising over whether I should stop I feel better. Just getting through another day and then I’m going to start about having something to occupy my head more such as reading exercise something along those lines. Determined and hoping to sleep tonight 🙏🏻 So nice to be a part of this and to share my journey with you all. Thankful for all the support and positive feedback Thanks 🙏🏻

Thank you 🙏🏻

well I’ve lasted the week 🙏🏻

WOW 😮 it’s got to be a good thing being able to fight those demons in your head. “You get your salary on Saturday so you could buy ALCOHOL 🤬” now that’s not what I want right now. “You could buy a bottle of vodka and hide it just take a swig now and again. No one will know and it’s smell proof” I’ve never drunk spirits ever, where these thoughts have come from Christ knows. All this took place whilst I was sat on the loo!!!! It didn’t seem real until I told my husband what had happened. He just looked at me and said “what the hell” I kind of wanted him to know so he’s aware of it. I’m still not drinking and the more I deny myself the more I can see just how poisonous ☠️ this stuff has been. My personality is such that I’m not strong enough to drink so much without breaking down my constitution proves that. I’d get drunk on the smallest amount of alcohol but thought I was a harder heavy drinker. I wasn’t and I didn’t have to drink so much for my desired effect, allusive. I’m just working more sleeping more spending more quality time with my young son and dog and drinking lots of tea, lots and lots of bloody tea 😮 I’m teaching myself about how bad alcohol Addiction is and choosing to make the right decision to move forward with this one day at a time. Day 8 Saturday afternoon walked the dog played football with my son worked half a shift this morning. Now I’m sat down relaxing and would love a glass of wine but it’s never just one and I still don’t trust myself. I’m putting the kettle on for another cup of bloody tea!!😂🤣😂👍🏻🙏🏻🤬🤢 mixed emotions but still not drinking ❤️ Hope you’re all doing okay 👌🏻 xxx

Grateful for your feedback and well wishes 🙏🏻

Thanks guys truly glad you’re with me 🙏🏻❤️❤️

I’m currently being vetted for a job with Thames Valley Police. It’s taken about 3 months and I had a phone call today from the vetting officer. Back in 2002/3 there was a brush with the law regarding my abusive ex husband. I’m not proud of it but I completely left it off my vetting form and they wanted to know why. After a telephone conversation and an explanation via email I was told that they were going to pass me. In between that time the memories came flooding back and yes I wanted a drink. I didn’t think he had effected me so much I didn’t like to blame anyone or anything for my drinking. He is and was partly to blame and now I have to face it without getting smashed to forget it. The house was clean quiet I’d done my shift at work picked William up from school so surely I could have a drink! I kept playing it over and over in my head. Anyway I didn’t I haven’t and I wont ever I cannot ever let another alcoholic drink pass my lips because once it does it will lead me back to where I was all those years ago. Subjected to mental and physical abuse all those years ago and for all those years doesn’t mean I’m allowed to abuse myself by drinking myself into a state of mind that tells me I deserved that. I will struggle wanting a drink for the rest of my life but at least I have a life to look after! I’m glad but sad at the same time. Reality check for me today and for the foreseeable 🙏🏻

Thank you Tinks I was really sad at how I still feel about all of this. I have been blocking it all out for so long with drinking. I’m definitely determined to make a great life for my family and myself and that means no alcohol never ever again! I’m looking forward to starting my job should be in the next few weeks 🤞🏻