In a bad place.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I knew it well.
I'm sorry you're in that place BMS but I'm glad you posted for support.
I agree with Feeling Great - it's time to get some help.
sometimes you need external intervention to stop falling further down the rabbit hole - y'know?
D
I'm sorry you're in that place BMS but I'm glad you posted for support.
I agree with Feeling Great - it's time to get some help.
sometimes you need external intervention to stop falling further down the rabbit hole - y'know?
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 32
Thank you FLG and Dee.
My intention is to taper. I am not sure how that will go. To be clear. I am not black out drunk but I am not sober. As the morning comes up I will probably be alone. I don't want to drink. I am here for contact.
For help.
My intention is to taper. I am not sure how that will go. To be clear. I am not black out drunk but I am not sober. As the morning comes up I will probably be alone. I don't want to drink. I am here for contact.
For help.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
I understand.
I've been in that place myself. Afraid to drink and afraid to not drink.
It's a very scary place and I visited it more than once.
Laying in bed, mind racing, Paranoia and anxiety running rampant so bad I once hid in a closet.
You're not alone, my friend. I understand.
I agree it may be time to seek help. There are medical professionals who understand. I used them more than once.
Please use their services.
Be safe friend.
I've been in that place myself. Afraid to drink and afraid to not drink.
It's a very scary place and I visited it more than once.
Laying in bed, mind racing, Paranoia and anxiety running rampant so bad I once hid in a closet.
You're not alone, my friend. I understand.
I agree it may be time to seek help. There are medical professionals who understand. I used them more than once.
Please use their services.
Be safe friend.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by BlueMegaFool 
I'm there right now. If I keep drinking I will die. If I stop drinking I will die.
Does that make sense to anyone?
Does that make sense to anyone?
to someone that has been able to get and stay sober-no it doesnt make sense.
stopping drinking gave me life.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
B,
Dr. is the best answer. Once you are given meds, they tell me you will feel better. I didn't go to the Dr. I would have lost my job. But, job vs dieing. I would rather lose job.
How much are you drinking?
I indirectly tapered but, my last drunk was 2/3 a bottle of Jameson. I never was a heavy daily drinker.
I drank 5 to 10 units after work, sometimes every day. Sometimes not. But, when I wasn't drinking, I was getting ready to drink. I would plan it out.
Anyway, after my last binge, I was poisoned for a week.
Then I suffered all sorts of mental and physical issues for about a month. I snacked constantly and worked out hard.
This suffering sort of warps the mind. Think ptsd.
It took over 2 years to really get some strength back.
Mentally, the healing has been the best part. It was horrible for about 6 months. Now it is amazing.
I come here to not forget and to try and help.
Hope you check in.
Thanks.
Dr. is the best answer. Once you are given meds, they tell me you will feel better. I didn't go to the Dr. I would have lost my job. But, job vs dieing. I would rather lose job.
How much are you drinking?
I indirectly tapered but, my last drunk was 2/3 a bottle of Jameson. I never was a heavy daily drinker.
I drank 5 to 10 units after work, sometimes every day. Sometimes not. But, when I wasn't drinking, I was getting ready to drink. I would plan it out.
Anyway, after my last binge, I was poisoned for a week.
Then I suffered all sorts of mental and physical issues for about a month. I snacked constantly and worked out hard.
This suffering sort of warps the mind. Think ptsd.
It took over 2 years to really get some strength back.
Mentally, the healing has been the best part. It was horrible for about 6 months. Now it is amazing.
I come here to not forget and to try and help.
Hope you check in.
Thanks.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 32
Ghostlight1 nailed me. You are spot on. I will try and listen to you.
D122y. Thank you. I have had some wine since my first post. It was to maintain. To stop withdrawal pain. It's not enough. I need to go to work tomorrow. Right now the heat is coming out of my upper body. I don't know what to do.
D122y. Thank you. I have had some wine since my first post. It was to maintain. To stop withdrawal pain. It's not enough. I need to go to work tomorrow. Right now the heat is coming out of my upper body. I don't know what to do.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,509
Tapering is really, really hard for alcoholics. It was impossible for me. I hope that you decide to go to an ER or to your dr. But, whatever you choose to do, hang around and read and post. We do understand how hard this is.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,645
Alcoholics find tapering difficult. Do you have someone that can watch you while you taper? If not, it may be prudent to not allow yourself to drop too far in BAC and take a cab to the emergency department; tell them the state you are in and why you've continued to drink (withdrawals, right?).
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
Hey friend,
I just know what its like because that's the way I lived my life for the last ten years of my drinking career. Believe me I know it. I can remember it like it's today. And I haven't had a drink in ten years.
To think, I used to go to work in that shape. Only occasionally was I able to, but a number of times.
I can't tell you what to do. All I know is what I did, lay in bed and wait it out.
I'm fortunate I never had a seizure.
If it does become unbearable, I would go to urgent care or the E.R.
Nothing to be afraid of there. They see it all day long. And they have to see you regardless of your ability to pay.
I went that route twice, too.
Drink a lot of fluids. With me, I was too full of anxiety to leave the house. So it was water, but it helps.
I'm right here with you. I've been through it a hundred (or more) times and I survived, so I'm counting on you to do the right thing for yourself.
Best to you, hang in there and keep on posting if you need to.
I just know what its like because that's the way I lived my life for the last ten years of my drinking career. Believe me I know it. I can remember it like it's today. And I haven't had a drink in ten years.
To think, I used to go to work in that shape. Only occasionally was I able to, but a number of times.
I can't tell you what to do. All I know is what I did, lay in bed and wait it out.
I'm fortunate I never had a seizure.
If it does become unbearable, I would go to urgent care or the E.R.
Nothing to be afraid of there. They see it all day long. And they have to see you regardless of your ability to pay.
I went that route twice, too.
Drink a lot of fluids. With me, I was too full of anxiety to leave the house. So it was water, but it helps.
I'm right here with you. I've been through it a hundred (or more) times and I survived, so I'm counting on you to do the right thing for yourself.
Best to you, hang in there and keep on posting if you need to.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
You're definitely not alone, BMF - I felt the same way on many occasions. That's why I had to get free & stop pretending I'd ever have any control. I hope you'll keep posting - as others have said, seek help if necessary to withdraw safely. My blood pressure spiked dangerously.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: SPb Russia
Posts: 184
I was advised to get 'meds', I didnt. Im realising that this is maybe risky. But also I was told (here, SR) that if I do detox alone then to have my phone charged and ready as detox is unpredictable. I did do this.
Also, I dont think I could do 'tapering'. If you think you need this please see doctor.
In first three days of detox I was very 'mixed up' - fainted in bath and came round choking. Went to sleep on sofa, woke in bed with heart thumping like was having some sort of attack. Convinced there was something evil in the bedroom. Lot of stuff like this. BUT I stayed online and kept posting.
With a clear mind - is obvious I should have got some doctors advice or 'meds'. But it was very far from clear for first three days.
Also, I dont think I could do 'tapering'. If you think you need this please see doctor.
In first three days of detox I was very 'mixed up' - fainted in bath and came round choking. Went to sleep on sofa, woke in bed with heart thumping like was having some sort of attack. Convinced there was something evil in the bedroom. Lot of stuff like this. BUT I stayed online and kept posting.
With a clear mind - is obvious I should have got some doctors advice or 'meds'. But it was very far from clear for first three days.
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,203
Good luck Blue, i'm glad you found SR. If you do detox alone make sure to drink plenty of water. Like some others here I would have found it too difficult to taper even though I could see the logic of it.
Counterintuitively I think that having to go in to work tomorrow will be a good thing for you at this point for a couple of reasons, the first being that you will be with co-workers in the unlikely event of seizures or similar, the second good thing is that having to get up, go to work, work, go home etc will help you to sleep which is often tricky in early recovery.
GOOD LUCK!
Counterintuitively I think that having to go in to work tomorrow will be a good thing for you at this point for a couple of reasons, the first being that you will be with co-workers in the unlikely event of seizures or similar, the second good thing is that having to get up, go to work, work, go home etc will help you to sleep which is often tricky in early recovery.
GOOD LUCK!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,645
Originally Posted by ConfusedGuy
I was advised to get 'meds', I didnt. Im realising that this is maybe risky. But also I was told (here, SR) that if I do detox alone then to have my phone charged and ready as detox is unpredictable. I did do this.
Also, I dont think I could do 'tapering'. If you think you need this please see doctor.
In first three days of detox I was very 'mixed up' - fainted in bath and came round choking. Went to sleep on sofa, woke in bed with heart thumping like was having some sort of attack. Convinced there was something evil in the bedroom. Lot of stuff like this. BUT I stayed online and kept posting.
With a clear mind - is obvious I should have got some doctors advice or 'meds'. But it was very far from clear for first three days.
Also, I dont think I could do 'tapering'. If you think you need this please see doctor.
In first three days of detox I was very 'mixed up' - fainted in bath and came round choking. Went to sleep on sofa, woke in bed with heart thumping like was having some sort of attack. Convinced there was something evil in the bedroom. Lot of stuff like this. BUT I stayed online and kept posting.
With a clear mind - is obvious I should have got some doctors advice or 'meds'. But it was very far from clear for first three days.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 32
Still alive. Thank you all for your advice. I have read them all. I don't know what else to say. I am thankful this place is here . It feels like you have helped. No t sure why. I don't have anyone to help me with taper. I don't know how I am going to make it tomorrow. I have personally broken all bridges. The only blame falls right here on me. Not much left in this well.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
Well, it can stop right now. The good news is, you never have to drink again.
Remember that. Just for tomorrow when it's cleared your system and cleared your mind. You never have to drink again.
You never have to go through this again.
Just one day at a time.
It took me ten years of trying to quit drinking.
Please don't put yourself through the misery I went through, and what sounds like you're feeling like today.
You never have to do it again. Make it your mantra. Do whatever it takes. Go to any length necessary.
I am the sole person to blame for my alcoholism, too. And I also had nothing left in the well except a desire to quit drinking. And I was a bad drunk. For over thirty years.
You can do it. I know you can.
Remember that. Just for tomorrow when it's cleared your system and cleared your mind. You never have to drink again.
You never have to go through this again.
Just one day at a time.
It took me ten years of trying to quit drinking.
Please don't put yourself through the misery I went through, and what sounds like you're feeling like today.
You never have to do it again. Make it your mantra. Do whatever it takes. Go to any length necessary.
I am the sole person to blame for my alcoholism, too. And I also had nothing left in the well except a desire to quit drinking. And I was a bad drunk. For over thirty years.
You can do it. I know you can.
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