Alcohol-induced psychosis and Tapering
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Posts: 578
Alcohol-induced psychosis and Tapering
Hello Neighbors,
Im on Day 1. Its 10:04 in the a.m. only. I'm in my late 30's and have been drinking hard-core since early teenage years. Major depressive disorder and rebellious behavior led to the onslaught of antidepressants at age of 16; it didn't stop me insatiable thirst for liquor...
Anyway, I met BF a year ago and we have an extremely great connection except for one thing....We're both drink until we're physically immobilized with pain and sick-alcoholics....
I went to a gathering at his father's house where a lot of his close siblings attended and during a blackout completely made a fool of myself with my grossly inappropriate behavior which involved ALOT of swearing and making "controversial" outbursts...I couldn't even listen my BF the next morning regarding the specifics of my tirade....Anyway the family is "functional" and very tight-knit, and he in a passive way text my BF that "just family" can attend todays gathering....And I totally understand why for obvious reasons...I feel terrible and embarrassed for my BF whom is so accepting of me, even when I'm ***-faced....
My body is rejecting any alcohol I consume. I'm in writhing pain and vomiting most liquids I drink...I stopped eating for the most part as a way to hold down liquor in my - almost always - daily drinking and puking episodes. I am weak and I admitted to my BF in a crying episode of remorse regarding the incident with his folks that I can feel myself dying. It feels like there is fire pumping through my veins, Im sweating ome moment, then the next moment I'm freezing, the insomnia is driving me mad, I often have auditory hallucinations, Im malnourished from the lack of eating, AND constant vomiting, AND, of course I'm still trying to keep down my drinks from the moment I wake up to starve off some of these symptoms and because I'm a raging, sickly alcoholic. In the past few months I have taken myself to E.R. because my shaking was so bad when I tried to "sober up"...The doc basically tells me if I'm prone to get seizures, that quitting alcohol like this cold turkey has some percentage (cant remember) of fatality risk, but it was shocking I remember at the time. He said he'd give me some fluids, have nurses keep checking my vitals, but its would be better to go home and taper off the whiskey. Of course, I went home, and did the exact opposite, I just drank more and sunk deeper into my depression and self-loathing like wah!wah!wah! - nobody can help me is all my AV mind interpreted....
Anyway, on Day 1. This is my first post here on SR. I remember reading a lot of inspirational and healing posts. I apologize for the length of course. After the incident where I potentially got 86'd, from my BFs parents future gatherings because of my repulsive and reckless behavior, which hurts sooo, so bad cos I want to spend the rest of my life with this man, it hurt more than all the physical pain I've been having....I have gotten to this point before, a therapist rold me it's the beginnings of alcohol-induced psychosis. My BF tells me sometimes im sitting up at night talking to myself and every time i drink I'm blacked out and awaken by projectile vomiting. I sometimes walk around outside talking to myself and one time I was walking down the street getting into fights with provocative but otherwise harmless people. I broke down and resolved to have a-go at sobriety. I'm completely out-of-touch with reality when I have been drunk these last few weeks again. I finally had the brief and horrifying moment of clarity that told me that there is no logical way that I can live like this much longer. ,
2 days ago, I had 2 Beers when the shaking got to immobilizing in my attempt to taper. I was xperiencing symptoms that scared the **** out of me. Last night, my insomnia was severe, every time I closed my eyes I was having visual hallucinations in the darkness behind my eyelids, as if they were still open in the dark, I kept having auditory hallucinations and was getting up and down bc I thought someone was breaking into my place possibly. I drank a small (12 oz.) 12% BAC and I stayed awake until 6am., I was able to relax just barely if at all.
Day 1 - today I'm wanting to know what are peoples experience with tapering. Is the risk of death as high as the E.R. describes? What are some of your experiences and symptoms if cold-turkey?
I apologize for length of post or if it's not in the proper thread; bouncing all over the place or any other breach...
kindly advise
Im on Day 1. Its 10:04 in the a.m. only. I'm in my late 30's and have been drinking hard-core since early teenage years. Major depressive disorder and rebellious behavior led to the onslaught of antidepressants at age of 16; it didn't stop me insatiable thirst for liquor...
Anyway, I met BF a year ago and we have an extremely great connection except for one thing....We're both drink until we're physically immobilized with pain and sick-alcoholics....
I went to a gathering at his father's house where a lot of his close siblings attended and during a blackout completely made a fool of myself with my grossly inappropriate behavior which involved ALOT of swearing and making "controversial" outbursts...I couldn't even listen my BF the next morning regarding the specifics of my tirade....Anyway the family is "functional" and very tight-knit, and he in a passive way text my BF that "just family" can attend todays gathering....And I totally understand why for obvious reasons...I feel terrible and embarrassed for my BF whom is so accepting of me, even when I'm ***-faced....
My body is rejecting any alcohol I consume. I'm in writhing pain and vomiting most liquids I drink...I stopped eating for the most part as a way to hold down liquor in my - almost always - daily drinking and puking episodes. I am weak and I admitted to my BF in a crying episode of remorse regarding the incident with his folks that I can feel myself dying. It feels like there is fire pumping through my veins, Im sweating ome moment, then the next moment I'm freezing, the insomnia is driving me mad, I often have auditory hallucinations, Im malnourished from the lack of eating, AND constant vomiting, AND, of course I'm still trying to keep down my drinks from the moment I wake up to starve off some of these symptoms and because I'm a raging, sickly alcoholic. In the past few months I have taken myself to E.R. because my shaking was so bad when I tried to "sober up"...The doc basically tells me if I'm prone to get seizures, that quitting alcohol like this cold turkey has some percentage (cant remember) of fatality risk, but it was shocking I remember at the time. He said he'd give me some fluids, have nurses keep checking my vitals, but its would be better to go home and taper off the whiskey. Of course, I went home, and did the exact opposite, I just drank more and sunk deeper into my depression and self-loathing like wah!wah!wah! - nobody can help me is all my AV mind interpreted....
Anyway, on Day 1. This is my first post here on SR. I remember reading a lot of inspirational and healing posts. I apologize for the length of course. After the incident where I potentially got 86'd, from my BFs parents future gatherings because of my repulsive and reckless behavior, which hurts sooo, so bad cos I want to spend the rest of my life with this man, it hurt more than all the physical pain I've been having....I have gotten to this point before, a therapist rold me it's the beginnings of alcohol-induced psychosis. My BF tells me sometimes im sitting up at night talking to myself and every time i drink I'm blacked out and awaken by projectile vomiting. I sometimes walk around outside talking to myself and one time I was walking down the street getting into fights with provocative but otherwise harmless people. I broke down and resolved to have a-go at sobriety. I'm completely out-of-touch with reality when I have been drunk these last few weeks again. I finally had the brief and horrifying moment of clarity that told me that there is no logical way that I can live like this much longer. ,
2 days ago, I had 2 Beers when the shaking got to immobilizing in my attempt to taper. I was xperiencing symptoms that scared the **** out of me. Last night, my insomnia was severe, every time I closed my eyes I was having visual hallucinations in the darkness behind my eyelids, as if they were still open in the dark, I kept having auditory hallucinations and was getting up and down bc I thought someone was breaking into my place possibly. I drank a small (12 oz.) 12% BAC and I stayed awake until 6am., I was able to relax just barely if at all.
Day 1 - today I'm wanting to know what are peoples experience with tapering. Is the risk of death as high as the E.R. describes? What are some of your experiences and symptoms if cold-turkey?
I apologize for length of post or if it's not in the proper thread; bouncing all over the place or any other breach...
kindly advise
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,851
Welcome, KTB5000. What you describe sounds absolutely horrendous. Have you considered a medical detox facility? As your doctor said, trying to detox at home is quite risky, especially considering the amount and frequency of your drinking, and the severity of your symptoms. Is it possible for you to check into a detox facility where they can safely detox you?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
Welcome, KTB5000. 
Your situation sounds alarming to me. I would suggest discussing a medical detox with your doctor or taking yourself to the ER.
Please don't fret over your behavior the other night. You can make amends when you're sober and healthy. Right now, I think you need to take care of yourself.
We're here to support you through the process.
Your situation sounds alarming to me. I would suggest discussing a medical detox with your doctor or taking yourself to the ER.
Please don't fret over your behavior the other night. You can make amends when you're sober and healthy. Right now, I think you need to take care of yourself.
We're here to support you through the process.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,445
Withdrawing from alcohol is unpredictable and can be dangerous. I hope that you go to an ER or detox facility to be monitored.
Tapering is almost impossible for alcoholics. Many of us here have tried and failed. For me, tapering made my drinking worse. Cold turkey is easier for alcoholics, provided that you are safely monitored.
Tapering is almost impossible for alcoholics. Many of us here have tried and failed. For me, tapering made my drinking worse. Cold turkey is easier for alcoholics, provided that you are safely monitored.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2019
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 73
Please go to an ER as soon as possible. If you're intoxicated call an uber or ambulance.
I had to go to an ER at the end of my abuse due to nosebleeds that would not stop due to dangerously low platelet count. I drove myself, they told me they wouldn't allow me to leave. I fessed up and spent 5 days in detox and delirium being restrained at one point.
Your experience sounds fairly severe and I wouldn't recommend going it a lone based on your listed symptoms.
I had to go to an ER at the end of my abuse due to nosebleeds that would not stop due to dangerously low platelet count. I drove myself, they told me they wouldn't allow me to leave. I fessed up and spent 5 days in detox and delirium being restrained at one point.
Your experience sounds fairly severe and I wouldn't recommend going it a lone based on your listed symptoms.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,055
I started my sobriety journey at the ER also. We had to get on a small plane in bad weather to get there. I was so dehydrated that they had to give me two IV's. I then went to a no-cost detox and spent five days there--the best part of that experience was being with other struggling addicts and alcoholics, and that pointed me in the direction I would need to take for permanent sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,642
I will share my experience tapering.
Wednesday, April 3: Lose my job for showing up drunkish and hungover. Went to liquor store to drown my sorrows. Proceeded to get obliterated and sent some wonderful text messages to my former boss.
Thursday, April 4: Tried to stay sober, but ended up caving. Went to the liquor store to "just get a pint so I can taper." Drank the pint. Went back to the liquor store to get another pint. Ended up obliterated and drunk.
Friday, April 5: Just kept drinking. Went and bought a 750 mL bottle of vodka.
Saturday, April 6: Knew I had to stop. But what are my choices? Go to the ER? No, I'm sick of that. I'll taper so I don't go through terrible withdrawal. I went to the liquor store in the morning, eyes full of shame (and yellow by the way), and I bought a pint. ONE PINT. I drank that pint over the course of the entire day. It was a ***** to not go get more. But I told my dad (whom I live with), so going to get more was impossible. That was my last pint.
I failed the taper the first time because there was nothing stopping me from going back to the liquor store or just drinking to oblivion because I'm an alcoholic. My dad was at work, and I don't look intoxicated when I'm drunk, so a lot of the time, he didn't even know.
The pint on Saturday, April 6 was my last drink. I knew that if I just got through Sunday, it would get easier. And it did.
Tapering is possible, but if you're going to do it, there has to be someone or something there to stop you from getting more or from drinking what you have too fast. I would honestly recommend just going to an ER, especially if you have insurance.
Wednesday, April 3: Lose my job for showing up drunkish and hungover. Went to liquor store to drown my sorrows. Proceeded to get obliterated and sent some wonderful text messages to my former boss.
Thursday, April 4: Tried to stay sober, but ended up caving. Went to the liquor store to "just get a pint so I can taper." Drank the pint. Went back to the liquor store to get another pint. Ended up obliterated and drunk.
Friday, April 5: Just kept drinking. Went and bought a 750 mL bottle of vodka.
Saturday, April 6: Knew I had to stop. But what are my choices? Go to the ER? No, I'm sick of that. I'll taper so I don't go through terrible withdrawal. I went to the liquor store in the morning, eyes full of shame (and yellow by the way), and I bought a pint. ONE PINT. I drank that pint over the course of the entire day. It was a ***** to not go get more. But I told my dad (whom I live with), so going to get more was impossible. That was my last pint.
I failed the taper the first time because there was nothing stopping me from going back to the liquor store or just drinking to oblivion because I'm an alcoholic. My dad was at work, and I don't look intoxicated when I'm drunk, so a lot of the time, he didn't even know.
The pint on Saturday, April 6 was my last drink. I knew that if I just got through Sunday, it would get easier. And it did.
Tapering is possible, but if you're going to do it, there has to be someone or something there to stop you from getting more or from drinking what you have too fast. I would honestly recommend just going to an ER, especially if you have insurance.
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
Your doctor has already told you there is a risk of seizures and death if you stop cold turkey. Tapeting by yourself rarely works, especially given that you are at such a high risk.
I was pretty much at the same point you were at. My doctor sent me for ay a psychchiatr evaluation at a dual diagnosis clinic (addiction and mood disorders). She told me point blank that the only treatment recommended was medical detox followed by inpatient rehab...and that I could die if I tried to stop on my own...and I'd be dead in six months if I continued to drink like that.
Please at least detox under the care of a trained addiction specialist, not a doc that sends you home and advises a self taper off the whisky.
I was pretty much at the same point you were at. My doctor sent me for ay a psychchiatr evaluation at a dual diagnosis clinic (addiction and mood disorders). She told me point blank that the only treatment recommended was medical detox followed by inpatient rehab...and that I could die if I tried to stop on my own...and I'd be dead in six months if I continued to drink like that.
Please at least detox under the care of a trained addiction specialist, not a doc that sends you home and advises a self taper off the whisky.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Posts: 578
Anna & Suki44883: I'm going to look into it now. The place that had the medical detox available no longer takes my insurance..ty 🙏
Hope1989: thanks for kind words and support🙏
Vxper, ColdFusion: ty for sharing your experience& advice... 🙏
🙏Opvital: thx for your help. I'll focus on sobriety first....
TWTOM: I read your a thread of yours and it really helped me 🙏
Hope1989: thanks for kind words and support🙏
Vxper, ColdFusion: ty for sharing your experience& advice... 🙏
🙏Opvital: thx for your help. I'll focus on sobriety first....
TWTOM: I read your a thread of yours and it really helped me 🙏
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Posts: 578
Im on the hunt for a medical detox and inpatient facility that takes my ins. now while my mind feels a little clear and thankful for the support and advice from you all. Thank you!!.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 526
That doctor has NO IDEA about alcoholism and how to go about it, especially with a severe alcoholic.
First time I was hospitalized, and every time since, they totally FORBADE alcohol and treated me with fluids, injections, heart monitors, fluids and benzos. On the second day, or that night, I had a real psychosis, I got off my bed and fought off nurses and resisted doctors trying to get a hold of me, I went ape-****, thought I was getting raped in a bath tub (of all things), hallucinating, hurling insults left and right calling some nurses fat and fighting with them against putting me back on the bed. I screamed, I fought, I resisted, it took 6 medical professionals to put me back on this bed I imagined was a bathtub and screamed "RAPE! HELP" until they finally sedated me. Next morning, I woke up in some hospital room with a security guard at my door. I was back to normal, wondering what he was doing there. He told me he was there because of me and I couldn't walk out. Slowly, bits and pieces slowly started get back to me and the horror of it all. I had been out of it, but was fine again. It was during my second day of detox and it all started when they rolled me into another, more secluded room and were gonna inject me, draw blood or whatever again. I then lost it, jumped out of the bed and went psycho. It was so surreal, but thankfully never happened again.
BUT the problem is serious, you will not be able to taper off alone safely. You need to be under medical supervision 24/7, have your vitals, your heart, fluids and machines monitoring you, and given benzos, NOT another shot of whiskey or you will die. I am sure if I hadn't gotten myself to the hospital that time, I may very well have.
Please, go ASAP, if by ambulance (I went by taxi) and check yourself in immediately! They took me in right away,and started working on me, it was that life threatening and serious.
Then you must do everything you can, and want it, so it doesn't one day kill you all whilst ruining your entire life along the way.
First time I was hospitalized, and every time since, they totally FORBADE alcohol and treated me with fluids, injections, heart monitors, fluids and benzos. On the second day, or that night, I had a real psychosis, I got off my bed and fought off nurses and resisted doctors trying to get a hold of me, I went ape-****, thought I was getting raped in a bath tub (of all things), hallucinating, hurling insults left and right calling some nurses fat and fighting with them against putting me back on the bed. I screamed, I fought, I resisted, it took 6 medical professionals to put me back on this bed I imagined was a bathtub and screamed "RAPE! HELP" until they finally sedated me. Next morning, I woke up in some hospital room with a security guard at my door. I was back to normal, wondering what he was doing there. He told me he was there because of me and I couldn't walk out. Slowly, bits and pieces slowly started get back to me and the horror of it all. I had been out of it, but was fine again. It was during my second day of detox and it all started when they rolled me into another, more secluded room and were gonna inject me, draw blood or whatever again. I then lost it, jumped out of the bed and went psycho. It was so surreal, but thankfully never happened again.
BUT the problem is serious, you will not be able to taper off alone safely. You need to be under medical supervision 24/7, have your vitals, your heart, fluids and machines monitoring you, and given benzos, NOT another shot of whiskey or you will die. I am sure if I hadn't gotten myself to the hospital that time, I may very well have.
Please, go ASAP, if by ambulance (I went by taxi) and check yourself in immediately! They took me in right away,and started working on me, it was that life threatening and serious.
Then you must do everything you can, and want it, so it doesn't one day kill you all whilst ruining your entire life along the way.
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Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 526
I need to add, I recall when we went into that secluded room, I was walking along actually, , holding that rolling fluid machine by me ( i wasn't rolled in on the same bed as we were changing rooms to that new isolated room and bed/the bathtub! from the public). I clearly remember a nurse inside this new room at this desk holding a pen as we walked in. But I saw and smelled it as a cigarette she was smoking. Relieved, I asked her if she could spare one for me. She just looked up and stared at me. The docs then asked her to leave the room. I was in a complete hallucinatory state, I swear I saw it; I smelled it. It scares me to think that I may one day be prone to dementia or a psychotic mental illnesses, but this one was purely alcohol induced.
It's funny how I could later vividly recall some of these details.
It's funny how I could later vividly recall some of these details.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 526
since I cannot edit the first part, I vividly recall being escorted by doctors to secluded new room (reality), the nurse smoking the cigarette, the smell, asking her for one (hallucination), the doctors asking her to leave the room and closing the door (reality), feeling truly bummed, and then seeing the new bed (reality)/bathtub! (hallucination), and them wanting me to lay in/on it (reality). I did not want to. Then the rest happened....the resisting, fighting, hurling insults, screaming for help and Rape....cuz I didn't want to get in that bathtub and be raped. Scary **** to lose your mind, waking up the next day as if nothing happened and wondering about guards at my door... but then it coming back to me, bit by bit, quite vividly.
Hockey time.
Hockey time.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Posts: 578
Caprice6 : I worry about that too. My grandmother had dementia and she drank everyday until the day she passed. It's scary how my episodes are getting, esp. having the physical symptoms as well. I was a closet alcoholic for years. Or at least I thought i was. People knew. I got transferred from jobs and lost jobs due to my drinking. I have lost everything that I have loved due to my self-medicating with alcohol. Everything I thought I was doing for the past 20 years, I really believed I could just fool everyone, get away with it, bcos I felt cheated, and I always was hiding behind a smile or a degree or a workout out plan. Now it's like I see how pathetic I am . my 68 yo father moves around better than me. Im deteriorating at ana accelerated rate and now my mind is worse than ever and I'm 37 yo. I have regrets but I want to focus on the future and be productive and have so kind of meaning in my life other than in the pursuit of a poison that is kicking my butt.
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