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Old 04-19-2019, 02:08 PM   #41 (permalink)
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For the record, I'm not a superstitious person or believer in psychics, but that nightmare was a premonition. It was a warning, the giant hovering over me, coming down to kill me was the alcohol monster and what was to come.
It was one of the biggest reasons I decided to finally go to the ER because I couldn't shake off this sense of impending doom ahead awaiting. I never felt such terror.
Low and behold, even at the hospital, the DT's hit after 2-3 days and I went into an acute psychosis, completely out of touch, and temporarily insane.
I never had a history of psychosis before, and thankfully never have again.
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Old 04-19-2019, 02:47 PM   #42 (permalink)
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I suffered from psychosis during the last year or so I drank.

I couldn't discern what was real and what was all in my head.

I also experienced auditory illusions when I would try to quit or taper.

I hope that you can get proper help immediately, KTB.

And then sobriety and a life of recovery and living toward good purposes and not chronic drunkenness.

I did.

All I did was drink, take Xanax during the daytime (to keep from shaking) and drink some more - wash, rinse and repeat.

My life had become a Groundhog's Day type of existence.

But then I got sober (freed from alcohol) and I recovered by learning to live a vastly different life.

I hope that you have the same experience, because you seem to be slipping off of a steep slope right now.
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Old 04-19-2019, 04:53 PM   #43 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by mariposa View Post
Really sad thing is many do not have medical insurance or financial means to get to a doctor for help. I hope KTB is in the process of her recovery and on the way to a new life. Sobriety can really be a miracle, it is possible that the boyfriend’s family may see that KTB is a great person and very strong to get help and recover.
I know it can be varied in different states, countries, etc - but this is my experience:

Be me, polysubstance addict: heroin, meth, needles, suicidal ideation, major depressive disorder. Want to get clean/sober and get better. No insurance. Go to hospital & get admitted to psych ward, I know I was admitted for longer than a week (unsure of the exact stay w/out digging thru ppwk). Be present, participate, and experience what I believe to be a true "spiritual awakening". My final bill for treatment was just over $16,000 - of which I was required to pay $0. It was all written off.

Fast forward 7.5 yrs, be my wife - suffering from major depression, PTSD due to childhood trauma, substance & alcohol issues. She wanted to get help & get better. Check into an inpatient treatment facility, have insurance. She stays roughly 11 days, actively participates, and shows marked improvement. Insurance pays what they pay, we were stated to owe ~$5,000. Final balance due after "adjustments" - $112.88.

In both of these instances we worked the programs laid out in front of us to the best of our abilities, and filled out any/all financial assistance forms that were available. I honestly believe that Higher Power worked a miracle in both cases, on multiple fronts: that the sick people got better and that we weren't buried in debt getting the helped we needed.

There is always hope for the willing, a light at the end of that dark tunnel.

Best wishes to all, and KTB in particular.
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Old 04-20-2019, 07:09 AM   #44 (permalink)
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That is a good point, there are resources out there to help those with no insurance and in need of help.

I have 3 dogs and there is even a charity dog boarding facility in case I'd need to be hospitalized for whatever reason since I live alone and couldn't afford dog daycare boarding fees for 3 dogs for a length of time.

As far as the med care goes, it's great here and free. Mental health IS health.

All the best to you all as well, and I hope KTB comes back soon.

From personal experience, I've been off and on here, mainly because of frequent relapses, and I say this every time, but really now, after recollecting my psychotic episode (I never really talked or wrote about), I'm more determined than ever to stay sober. It brought everything back to life for me I had buried.
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