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This is my sincerest opinion - alcoholics are crazy, and anyone who knowingly dates/marries an alcoholic is also crazy. And I say that with love and affection for all involved. I’ve been married for almost 12 years. Life with an alcoholic, active or not, can be nutty, using myself as a prime example. Someone who chooses that life is also probably a bit nutty. And that’s okay and beautiful and can be almost perfect.
BUT - each person has to be in a position to “own” their crazy, have the tools to manage their crazy, and be able to recognize when their crazy is coming out. Each person has to be able to recognize when the other person’s crazy is emerging, too (otherwise known as healthy boundaries). And that takes time, introspection, and work. That’s a lot to ask of yourself in early sobriety, imo. I don’t know about the year recommendation - I was already married when I realized that I was an alcoholic. But what I can say is that in my experience, if we hadn’t been married, we would have broken up. It was ONLY the fact that we had made that promise and had children, mixed finances, etc, that we spent the time to try to fix our respective crazies, mine being the worst, obviously.
It can be a long and twisty road, so I’d want to make sure that I was appropriately equipped before embarking upon it.
BUT - each person has to be in a position to “own” their crazy, have the tools to manage their crazy, and be able to recognize when their crazy is coming out. Each person has to be able to recognize when the other person’s crazy is emerging, too (otherwise known as healthy boundaries). And that takes time, introspection, and work. That’s a lot to ask of yourself in early sobriety, imo. I don’t know about the year recommendation - I was already married when I realized that I was an alcoholic. But what I can say is that in my experience, if we hadn’t been married, we would have broken up. It was ONLY the fact that we had made that promise and had children, mixed finances, etc, that we spent the time to try to fix our respective crazies, mine being the worst, obviously.
It can be a long and twisty road, so I’d want to make sure that I was appropriately equipped before embarking upon it.
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Join Date: Nov 2018
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Originally Posted by eyes99 
[left]This is my sincerest opinion - alcoholics are crazy, and anyone who knowingly dates/marries an alcoholic is also crazy.
How about normies? Can we argue that they are crazy? Well, some of them sure are, and they stand out. We expect crazy in alcoholics, but when you think about it, normies don't have a monopoly on sanity either. I've heard it said that there's at least a little bit of every neurotic behavior in each of us, but it's all on a sliding scale from 1 to 100.
Maybe that's how crazy is defined. A person might be at 80% or 5%. Our tolerance levels might be on a sliding scale too. Looking for a partner? 82 may be acceptable for some, while others won't go for anything over 27. I think it varies from group to group, and possibly by age too. By gender? Well, let's not go there. Let's just say no one is excused.
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Originally Posted by eyes99
This is my sincerest opinion - alcoholics are crazy, and anyone who knowingly dates/marries an alcoholic is also crazy. And I say that with love and affection for all involved. I’ve been married for almost 12 years. Life with an alcoholic, active or not, can be nutty, using myself as a prime example. Someone who chooses that life is also probably a bit nutty. And that’s okay and beautiful and can be almost perfect.
BUT - each person has to be in a position to “own” their crazy, have the tools to manage their crazy, and be able to recognize when their crazy is coming out. Each person has to be able to recognize when the other person’s crazy is emerging, too (otherwise known as healthy boundaries). And that takes time, introspection, and work. That’s a lot to ask of yourself in early sobriety, imo. I don’t know about the year recommendation - I was already married when I realized that I was an alcoholic. But what I can say is that in my experience, if we hadn’t been married, we would have broken up. It was ONLY the fact that we had made that promise and had children, mixed finances, etc, that we spent the time to try to fix our respective crazies, mine being the worst, obviously.
It can be a long and twisty road, so I’d want to make sure that I was appropriately equipped before embarking upon it.
BUT - each person has to be in a position to “own” their crazy, have the tools to manage their crazy, and be able to recognize when their crazy is coming out. Each person has to be able to recognize when the other person’s crazy is emerging, too (otherwise known as healthy boundaries). And that takes time, introspection, and work. That’s a lot to ask of yourself in early sobriety, imo. I don’t know about the year recommendation - I was already married when I realized that I was an alcoholic. But what I can say is that in my experience, if we hadn’t been married, we would have broken up. It was ONLY the fact that we had made that promise and had children, mixed finances, etc, that we spent the time to try to fix our respective crazies, mine being the worst, obviously.
It can be a long and twisty road, so I’d want to make sure that I was appropriately equipped before embarking upon it.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 199
Originally Posted by August252015
I don't usually quote an entire post but THIS is perfection. And it's the kind of beautiful twisty road I am on. That's rare - and it's something my husband and I work for All. The. Time.
I love that! It is indeed a beautiful road when both parties are invested in getting it right. I left out the fact that if anyone is an alcoholic like me, then you love HARD. And that is a wonderful gift to give someone else.
DriGuy - you are indeed right. Normies are nuts too. I was just pointing out the the alcoholic road is a special kind of crazy. Again, with the utmost affection for the term. 😀
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Join Date: Mar 2013
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Originally Posted by August252015
I embrace the crazy. What else can I do? Make it work for me best I can. Seems to be working here in my recovery life 
❤️ Me too! Now I just own it and keep it moving, lol. So much easier...
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Join Date: Apr 2019
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My exwife was a daily drinker but only a glass of wine. She has parents who are both abusive and two siblings that have problems with alcohol and domestic abuse. So how many of these trates do you think she has picked up over the years? Krazy wife unhappy life, but she didn't doesn't have a problem. I was the one with the problem and needed a divorce to start recovering from twenty years with her.
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Back to the OP - Press, how are you doing? How's daily sober stuff? Just curious if you are still thinking about dating etc or other thoughts have come in...my mind def went from "topic" to "topic" early days (sometimes still does, ha). Hope you are well.
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Join Date: Nov 2018
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Originally Posted by August252015
DriGuy- I think my read on what eyes means by "crazy" and reading the entirety of the post is very different than yours. Crazy doesn't discriminate
So out of a kind of homage to his insight (he died years ago), I was just having fun making up absurd baselines, scales, percentages, and social classifications, even attempting to create an obvious off topic drift in the form of a rant. Perhaps I misjudged my target audience, but at least I was entertained if no one else was.
If there is anything note worthy in that post it is purely coincidental.
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Press, you raise a great question and, perhaps unwittingly, some great related issues (that a bunch of the people responding have answered very nicely).
Most importantly, though, you need to ask yourself whether you want to get and stay sober.
If it sounds rhetorical, I can assure you it is not.
Because sobriety requires sacrifice - most notably, of course, letting go of alcohol and our alcoholic buddies, lifestyle, bars, etc.
But it also involves more subtle sacrifices which routinely come up in our lives.
It's the things that I know are unhealthy for me that I decline to do altogether.
Your sponsor gave you excellent advice.
If you want to get and stay sober, by all means, please follow his advice.
We have to "go to any lengths" in our pursuit of sobriety.
Half measures availed us nothing.
But the sacrifices I have made in sobriety have been dwarfed by the rewards (including the fulfillment of the AA Promises in my life) I have received in return.
It's not even a close call.
These are great questions, but I hope you choose the healthy answers.
On a little different note, I had been married for 3 years when I got sober.
When I got out of treatment, it took me a good while to learn how to be a husband.
It's a critical part of what I do everyday.
But it sure didn't happen overnight.
Please stay with us and keep us apprised as to your efforts.
We all want you to experience sobriety.
Most importantly, though, you need to ask yourself whether you want to get and stay sober.
If it sounds rhetorical, I can assure you it is not.
Because sobriety requires sacrifice - most notably, of course, letting go of alcohol and our alcoholic buddies, lifestyle, bars, etc.
But it also involves more subtle sacrifices which routinely come up in our lives.
It's the things that I know are unhealthy for me that I decline to do altogether.
Your sponsor gave you excellent advice.
If you want to get and stay sober, by all means, please follow his advice.
We have to "go to any lengths" in our pursuit of sobriety.
Half measures availed us nothing.
But the sacrifices I have made in sobriety have been dwarfed by the rewards (including the fulfillment of the AA Promises in my life) I have received in return.
It's not even a close call.
These are great questions, but I hope you choose the healthy answers.
On a little different note, I had been married for 3 years when I got sober.
When I got out of treatment, it took me a good while to learn how to be a husband.
It's a critical part of what I do everyday.
But it sure didn't happen overnight.
Please stay with us and keep us apprised as to your efforts.
We all want you to experience sobriety.
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