ConfusedGuy

Started getting texts tonight - 'Not seen you all weekend'... 'Why you not answering'. Usuallly at weekend there's a bar I use and there's a girl who is always in there and we always end up drinking and talking the same old crap until stupid-o-clock in the morning.
Anyway - after some texts she eventually rings - I can hear she is in a bar, I can guess where - says 'where are you, Im so lonely here...' etc, etc, etc. and I try to tell her I need to stop drinking 'for a bit' (!) Then she goes crazy swearing at me and I put the phone down and I turn it off.
Then a part of me is saying 'you should go down there, make sure she is ok'. And I know its crazy, but also the sound in the background of glasses, music, voices. And now Im trying to get this out of my head.
I'm leaving my phone turned off. Im not leaving my apartment now. Its like a little devil in my head saying it would be ok.
Sorry for another rambling post, I just need to put this out there because I've just gone from thinking Im doing OK in day 3 of detox, to thinking about a drink. But I wont give in to this. I kind of feel sad for her and also angry. I thought I was doing so well. Its thrown me tonight.

MantaLady

Stick with it CG, you are making good choices right now so have faith in yourself and keep on the path you want to walk not the path your AV want’s for you. You’re doing great so far! xx

Anna

You're still in early days, ConfusedGuy and the answering the phone call put you in a vulnerable position. You made a good decision to turn off the phone for a bit.

MLD51

I hear ya. Early on, before people knew what I was doing, I got texts and calls from people wondering where the heck I was. I drank in bars, mostly, so my absence was obvious. A couple of people were actually pissed at me for dropping out of the "fun." Most of them were supportive, though, so I listened to those people, instead of the ones who obviously didn't actually care about me. I don't miss them....

August252015

I am SO proud of you for turning your phone off. I know just the kind of scenario you describe, and I know it was so hard to stop communicating. You really did the right thing.

And!! You are not isolating completely because you came HERE. That would be a fine line, if that makes sense- we can't isolate in a way that really means we are setting ourselves up to drink but setting a boundary with someone like that, so we won't set ourselves up to drink (ha, it works both ways!!) is always a good idea.

You can keep going. Each day, making the next right choice as many say. Glad you are here.

ThatWasTheOldMe

Don't even consider going to that bar, CG. Stay here and stick it out for you.

And right on turning off that phone...

entropy1964

Good job! Maybe consider blocking the number. Someone who goes crazy and starts swearing at you might not be a real friend, ya know?

Dandelion12

Ditto what TWTOM said.


You SOOO did the right thing

That girl doesnt care about you. She cares about herself

Shes misery and she wants company

ConfusedGuy

Thanks for listening. I can't worry about everyone out there right now, it's hard enough just getting myself straight. I just hope she's ok - I suppose I kind of look after her sometimes when she's drunk. Probably look after each other a bit but yes - I like that word 'boundary'. I guess Im just a big soft guy and she knows that. But Im looking after me now. Feel a bit better. Thanks.

Obladi

Guy,

I hope you're getting some good rest now. You did great by staying away from the bar and turning your phone off. I'm so proud of you making your way through Day 3 and am looking forward to seeing you on Day 4!

This early stuff is really a trudge through the mud, but I've been promised (and I believe) that it's all worth it. I hope you believe that too.

O

Hawkeye13

You did the right thing for yourself, and that's the only person you have control over.

Great job--keep stacking those days up CG--you'll be in double digits before you know it

snitch

You HAVE to put yourself first. This is serious CG. Alcoholism is a deadly, progressive Illness. We have to be willing to go to any lengths to stay sober. Worrying about what others thought and peer pressure to drink with "friends" were 2 major things that kept me drinking. It's taken me a while to learn this my but slmy sobriety/recovery has to come before EVERYTHING and I have to protect it like I would a new born baby. As the horrific feelings of your last binge start to leave you and you feel better your mind will also start nudging you, telling you it will be ok... one drink won't hurt... just pop to the bar and check on your friend...This is why alcoholics need a programme of recovery. So we have a defense against these thoughts. Willpower will not work long term.

You did the right thing and should be proud of yourself. This is your life you are fighting for CG.

biminiblue

Oh, man, CG. Anyone that would swear at me for not drinking with them - well, she's showing you who she is, right?

She's a big girl. She can take care of herself. This is life and death stuff here, please don't let this spin around in your head for too long.

ConfusedGuy

Just woke. 08:23 - I got Day 3 ! .... Day 4 begins.

Thanks for all the encouragments. It means a lot to me.

Will check my phone soon, but think I will turn it off again after. Definately not answering you-know-who.

Going to doctor's later - I made appointment yesterday. Then I will go to work.
Im getting a blood test. It does worry me but it's something I must do so I am not going to delay it.

Feeling a bit better physically. Still feel tired still but I will go into work today after doctor - trying to get back into life. Going to get some porridge now, have a shave, clean clothes, and face life I guess.

Thanks.

Mummyto2

Keep your phone switched off and guard your sobriety, you can do this

ConfusedGuy

Decided NOT to even look at phone. It stays off today. Dont know many people here anyway so its not a problem.
Also - M2 - Good luck with your interview today! I saw your post.

MantaLady

Have a good day CG! Might be an idea to block her number for a while and then you won’t get any texts/calls or voicemails left while the phone is off. I blocked a few numbers in the early days just because when I turned the phone on and was hit with a stream of angry texts it made me angry and upset to which was too much of an emotional spike and put my sobriety at risk.

Take it easy today and take care of yourself, one day at a time xx

Mummyto2

Dropsie

Congrts -- that was a big step.

soupcon

You are doing so well. It is so hard in the beginning but I applaud you for turning off your phone and posting here among fellow people who support your decision to quit drinking.