Checking in.. coping with stress - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Go Back   SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information >
Register Blogs FAQ Members List Calendar Arcade Mark Forums Read





Reply
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 04-11-2019, 03:50 PM   #1 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 209

Checking in.. coping with stress


Hi everyone! Just checking in.. So I've been doing great recently and the thought of drinking has barely even entered my head until yesterday.

So I'm in a same sex relationship and have been for six years now. Her mother doesn't approve to the point she absolutely detests me and refuses to acknowledge my existence the majority of the time. I am excluded from family events and yeah it's just basically awful in general. So yeah like I say most of the time she buries her head in the sand but yesterday she decided to let my partner know again exactly what she thought.. stating she was disgusted, she didn't understand it, she will never accept it, she should've stayed with her ex (a male) and had a baby because now she will never have children and she would be so much happier without me. My partner is in her mid thirties so it's not like she could even put it down to some teenage phase.

When she told me all of this my initial thought was to feel sick to my stomach and really hurt and upset.. and then my second thought was I NEED A DRINK.

See recently I've let the little thoughts creep in .. 'maybe I'm not so bad.. maybe I could drink like a normal person' but that is not normal person thinking. My first response to being hurt is to reach for alcohol to numb the pain. So I'd made my mind up I was going to pick up a drink. I bought a bottle on my way home. I was going to check in here but decided against it because I knew you guys would talk me out of it. I decided to do the long walk home and on that long walk I got to thinking.. if I was giving advice to a friend about this situation what would I say?

I would tell my friend that drinking is not going to help anything. I would say it's not your fault your partner's mom is small minded. You are a nice person and you know that so don't let her get to you. If you get drunk you will wake up tomorrow feeling a million times worse than before and the situation will still be the same.

I started playing the tape forward and imagining what I would feel like when I woke up tomorrow. I got home and did a workout, had the biggest meal ever, a long bubble bath, watched an episode of intervention and then I logged in here.

I am pleased to report I poured that bottle away. I know if I drank it because I'm off work for a few days I probably would've drank all day today because I felt so awful.. and the cycle would begin. I'm annoyed at myself for buying a bottle but I didn't drink it and that's what counts.

Grateful for this forum and better coping strategies Hope you're all doing well!
noaddedsugar is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to noaddedsugar For This Useful Post:
AAPJ (04-11-2019), Anna (04-11-2019), AtomicBlue (04-11-2019), Dee74 (04-11-2019), doggonecarl (04-11-2019), Guener (04-11-2019), least (04-11-2019), Lucy79 (04-11-2019), MantaLady (04-11-2019), mnjen (04-11-2019)
Old 04-11-2019, 03:57 PM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
Mummyto2's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: France
Posts: 2,239
Brilliant well done
Mummyto2 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Mummyto2 For This Useful Post:
noaddedsugar (04-11-2019)
Old 04-11-2019, 04:55 PM   #3 (permalink)
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 179,267
Blog Entries: 1
I'm sorry for your situation but I'm glad you poured the drink away.
Don't let someone else's problem get to you - it's really not your problem

D
__________________
Dee74 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Dee74 For This Useful Post:
least (04-11-2019), mnjen (04-11-2019), noaddedsugar (04-11-2019)
Old 04-11-2019, 05:27 PM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 209
Thanks Dee. I know there's nothing I can do to change it.. it just sucks.

Makes me feel like I'm going to live my entire life on the outside. But if I have to do that at I'm at least going to do it sober.
noaddedsugar is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to noaddedsugar For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (04-11-2019), least (04-11-2019)
Old 04-11-2019, 06:41 PM   #5 (permalink)
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 52,061
I'm really sorry about the situation with your partner's mother. That sounds awful for you and your partner.

I'm glad you managed to talk yourself out of drinking.
__________________
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

Marianne Williamson
Anna is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Anna For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (04-11-2019), least (04-11-2019), noaddedsugar (04-12-2019)
Old 04-11-2019, 07:51 PM   #6 (permalink)
bona fido dog-lover
 
least's Avatar
 

Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: eastern USA
Posts: 80,662
Blog Entries: 32
I'm sorry your partner's mom is so mean. Some folks you just have to tolerate as best you can and let the rest go.
__________________
I'd rather live in my car with my dogs than live in a castle without them.

Dogs may not be our whole lives, but they make our lives whole.

Don't wait for the Last Judgement. It takes place every day. -Albert Camus

Find the good and praise it. - Alex Haley

least is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to least For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (04-11-2019), noaddedsugar (04-12-2019)
Old 04-11-2019, 08:12 PM   #7 (permalink)
Member
 
Lucy79's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 115
Good job on pouring the bottle out. That takes A LOT! I'm so sorry for what you and your partner are going through. Does your partner know you are in recovery? I know she wasn't meaning to upset you and probably needed to vent to you, but maybe talk with her that you do not want to hear anything else her mother has to say about you unless it's positive. You know you are a good person and you and your partner love and care about each other, no one else's opinion matters.
Lucy79 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Lucy79 For This Useful Post:
noaddedsugar (04-12-2019)
Old 04-11-2019, 08:26 PM   #8 (permalink)
Member
 
kinzoku's Avatar
 

Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 879
I'm glad you poured it out!

And I'm glad you are here with us
kinzoku is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to kinzoku For This Useful Post:
noaddedsugar (04-12-2019)
Old 04-12-2019, 05:00 PM   #9 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 209
Thanks for the replies everyone!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucy79 View Post
Good job on pouring the bottle out. That takes A LOT! I'm so sorry for what you and your partner are going through. Does your partner know you are in recovery? I know she wasn't meaning to upset you and probably needed to vent to you, but maybe talk with her that you do not want to hear anything else her mother has to say about you unless it's positive. You know you are a good person and you and your partner love and care about each other, no one else's opinion matters.
Thankyou! That is a whole other topic altogether. My partner doesn't really think I need to be in recovery and isn't mega supportive of the no drinking thing but she's getting used to it aha. I'm doing what I need to do I think I am just going to say I'd rather not know if her mom says anything negative about me because I am so damn sensitive. It's silly because she doesn't even know me.. I've only met her about 3 times and I've been nothing but polite so her dislike can't be of me as a person... but she sure as hell makes it seem personal.

On another note had a catchup with a friend over a meal today.. It was nice. She was going to order a glass of wine and hinted on about sharing a bottle. Fleeting thought of "well one wouldn't hurt" came and went. Said I was just going to order a soft drink. She ended up just getting one too but I felt like she was slightly disappointed? Maybe I'm just paranoid. We had a lovely night anyway and instead of going for a cocktail after we went for a coffee.
noaddedsugar is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-12-2019, 05:19 PM   #10 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 44
Definitely sorry to hear about your in-law probs. I’m REALLY glad you didn’t let her small mindedness derail your great progress. It does sound like you may want to revisit some of your earlier recovery plans, if you had them, though, since you’ve had these couple thoughts? Best play it safe than sorry. Workouts, big meals and bubble baths are some of my favorite self care activities, too

I mostly wanted to comment on your last reply, though, your friend seeming disappointed. She might have been, but it’s great you stuck to it. With my reputation with my friends, I had to do a lot of “disappointing” with my friends (the non-alcoholic ones) who wanted to have drinks with me as I’ve worked on my sobriety. Not all of them know why I’m not drinking, so I got some pouts when I didn’t want drinks with a meal. But with the good friends, that stopped pretty quickly. They’re now used to me not drinking and don’t expect it of me like they used to. At first I was worried what they’d think, if they’d catch on to my alcohol problem before I was ready to tell them, but the truth is those that really wanted to spend time with me didn’t care about drinking together in the end and didn’t give it nearly as much thought as I did.

You’re doing great and I’m so glad you’re here!
KeepingUp is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-12-2019, 06:08 PM   #11 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 209
Quote:
Originally Posted by KeepingUp View Post
With my reputation with my friends, I had to do a lot of “disappointing” with my friends (the non-alcoholic ones) who wanted to have drinks with me as I’ve worked on my sobriety. Not all of them know why I’m not drinking, so I got some pouts when I didn’t want drinks with a meal. But with the good friends, that stopped pretty quickly. They’re now used to me not drinking and don’t expect it of me like they used to. At first I was worried what they’d think, if they’d catch on to my alcohol problem before I was ready to tell them, but the truth is those that really wanted to spend time with me didn’t care about drinking together in the end and didn’t give it nearly as much thought as I did.

You’re doing great and I’m so glad you’re here!
That's great that everyone has been supportive. I know what you mean.. It will take my friends some time to adjust to me being the person that says no to a drink rather than the one who is suggesting it in the first place and never saying no to one more! I don't like to feel like I'm spoiling anyone's fun but my health, sanity and sobriety come first. I've realised I can have a good time without alcohol.

Appreciate it! Happy to be here

Got a big work night out tomorrow to celebrate a few things. Couple of engagements and a few birthdays. It's a meal and drinks before/after. Already planned just to go for the meal and then make my excuses and leave. I'm at work the next day so that's a pretty good excuse. This will be my first sober night out in a large group where others will be drinking but I'm confident I'll be fine.
noaddedsugar is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to noaddedsugar For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (04-13-2019)
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:35 AM.