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Not even desperate

Old 04-15-2019, 11:37 PM
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Not even desperate

I am 7 days booze free. One month opiate free and 4 days nicotine free. I reached a point where all the addictions were feeding into each other, so decided I have to give them all up. The booze had me so isolated and full of self hate, I didn't even have enough about me to feel desperate, was beyond that, was broken. I'm in the process of clawing my way back up the addiction abyss I have been lost in for decades. It's hard, but doable I hope, no I know it is. Looking forward to participating in this wonderful site as part of my claw back to life. Thank you for reading
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Old 04-15-2019, 11:49 PM
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Welcome aboard margbella - great to have you here

Many of us arrived here broken, but this is a place of great support and hope

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Old 04-16-2019, 02:13 AM
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Yassssssss!!!
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Old 04-16-2019, 02:16 AM
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You are SO in the right place. Welcome!
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Old 04-16-2019, 02:57 AM
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Thank you for the replies and welcome 🙂. My opiate addiction I wouldn't call serious, I took OTC codiene containing tablets every day 6 a day for 30 years, but the codiene dose wasn't enormous. I did have a mighty uncomfortable time withdrawing cold turkey from them though. Some symptoms still here.

The drink, I binge drank for 20 years. Would have days, maybe few weeks when I wouldn't drink, and then drink for a week straight, day and night, a bottle of spirits a day. I went cold turkey off a week long heavy binge, but there had only been 2 days between the end of week long binge before that and beginning of last one. Withdrawals were pretty horrifying, but I they always were. Still don't feel really right after a week, but doing ok.

The smoking, I had smoked for 35years. I have tried giving up with nicotine replacement methods in the past, but didn't like dragging things on, like being in a constant state of nicotine withdrawal. This time I have gone cold turkey. The last 3 days have been horrible, I have never craved anything in my life like I have craved cigarettes these last 3 days. Today is day 4, didn't get out of bed craving so much the nicotine as the comfort of smoking a cig.
I am using AVRT. I don't look upon it that I have 3 Beasts to defeat, but an addiction Beast with 3 heads
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Old 04-16-2019, 04:50 AM
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Originally Posted by margbella View Post
I don't look upon it that I have 3 Beasts to defeat, but an addiction Beast with 3 heads
I love this! I am desperate to stop smoking aswell as been a heavy smoker for more than 30 year! It’s so hard! x
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Old 04-16-2019, 04:57 AM
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Welcome to the family. I hope our support can help you stay sober for good.
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Old 04-16-2019, 04:57 AM
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Manta lady, it's not easy, but once you get used to just sitting through the cravings till they pass, it's not as scary as you think it will be. In a few hours I will have 4 days and this 4th day, the cravings haven't been half as fierce. I get around the hand to mouth comfort habit by "smoking" a pencil As the actual nicotine withdrawals seem to be rapidly wearing off, I'll wean myself off the pencil today 🙂
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Old 04-16-2019, 04:58 AM
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Thank you least 🙂
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Old 04-16-2019, 05:27 AM
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Marg,

Living my life nearly drug free is liberating. I say nearly because I drink coffee and tea, take vitamins, and lately have been eating a spoon of moringa in the am. Also, I eat healthy stuff like spinach, yogurt, quality proteins etc.

I get a little buzz off each of those. I also get high on life and exercise. Natural opiates.

I also can feel when my BP is down and when it goes up. I feel it around my temples and other areas. Certain foods and situations now cause it to vary.

So, I am booze free etc, but still a drug addict in a healthier sense.

My BP, anxiety etc etc...are all better, so I know I am doing the right things.

When I eat fast food, cookies and cakes etc. I feel like hell. Sort of like a hangover. Sugar still haunts me like booze used to. Yesterday, I had a donut, 3 cookies, and 2 chocolate Graham crackers. I was in heaven during each bite.

Baby steps.

Thanks.
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Old 04-16-2019, 10:42 AM
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D122y , yes baby steps. I don't think I am doing much at the minute, more NOT doing stuff. Not popping pills for no reason, not guzzling booze like a drain and not smoking like a chimney.
For some reason I have also gone off coffee, just don't like it anymore, used to drink lots of it.
Yeah, the sugar, too soon to tackle that, I have to have SOME vices otherwise I'll have to shine up my halo!!
I'm glad you feel healthier, and you stuck through the struggles you had to get where you are. You should be very proud of yourself 🙂
Thanks for taking the time to reply to me
This time last week I was coming to the end of my drinking. Wouldn't like to be there again that's for sure
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Old 04-16-2019, 12:50 PM
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Congrats Margbella, keep after it!
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Old 04-16-2019, 12:53 PM
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I'm so glad to meet you, Margbella. Congratulations on getting free. Life is going to be so much better.
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Old 04-16-2019, 02:38 PM
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532guy (have missed a number?) and Hevyn thanks for the encouragement 🙂
Thank goodness the restlessness especially in my legs, caused by nicotine withdrawal seems to be dying down. I slept for 2 hours last night, longest sleep all week.
I have aches in all of my joints, think that is because coming off painkillers after so long, it takes time for the brains natural painkillers to start working properly again, so I feel pain that normally could be overcome by my own natural painkillers, were they working properly.
Same with coming off the drink, brain chemistry all ****** up, especially concentration and sleep.
Plus got hell of a headache.
I have a mouthful of ulcers too, that is because I haven't smoked for days. It's a withdrawal symptom and an unfortunate one as I can't seem to stop eating!.

I am in a lot of discomfort, but not as much as I have been. Cigarette cravings come and go, no longer constant and getting less intense.

The physical discomfort is nothing compared to the absolute mental torment I was in 7 days ago after the **** show I caused after my last week of drinking. Hurt people badly just by having gotten drunk and staying that way for a week.
Never felt so low in my life as when I sobered up to devestation I had caused.

So I don't care how uncomfortable I feel for how long, the physical stuff is a walk in the park. And the only way to get to a good mental place is to never go back to those toxic drugs again.
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Old 04-16-2019, 05:38 PM
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You sound positive and determined, Margbella. All the aches, pains, & misery will fade away. Be proud of yourself for taking charge of your life.
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Old 04-16-2019, 11:13 PM
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Thanks Hevyn 🙂. I am just clinging to the thought of how wonderful it will be to live without my self imposed sheckles. I used to look at people, and I'm talking like as near ago as last week, and be envious they lived clean, addiction free lives, while I was chained and a slave to mine.
Had to make sure I had a stock of painkillers if I went anywhere. Couldn't go longer than half an hour without a cigarette and was always looking for exits to go smoke when I went anywhere. Drink could just take me when it wanted and destroy my life, again and again.
I have a smoking app on my phone and I have gone over 100 hours without a cig, I couldn't go half hour before, like I said. If nothing else, the packing in smoking cold turkey has been a crash course in urge ignoring and I'm sure will be of great help if I get an urge to drink. Just as having resisted the urge for painkillers a month ago helped practice to resist this urge to smoke.

I read a post by someone bexxed on another thread, who said they did little things for their future selves, it tickled me! I hope my bloody future self appreciates this haha
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Old 04-17-2019, 07:11 AM
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Put the cigarettes down a month ago . Used the patch for 3 days ditched that. It’s very hard still crave sometimes. Everyone keeps telling me it gets easier.
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Old 04-17-2019, 08:01 AM
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Well done on a month Kdon! Smoking has always been my comfort blanket, so finding that aspect hard to let go. I'm into day 5 and the physical aspect of withdrawals are pretty much over. It's Wednesday today, on Sunday I was like a maniac, felt like going picking people's old dog ends off the streets to smoke haha
The psychological pull is still there, and the habit thoughts...on the phone, get a cig, after meals, get a cig, on the internet get a cig pretty much everything I did with cig in hand infact!

I have read Alan Carr's Easyway to give up smoking about 10 times, it uses NLP and is helping A lot.
NRT just makes me crave worse and drags things out so I don't blame you for getting rid of patch.
Good luck to you.. don't go back to the smelly deadly habit! The way I look at it, giving up smoking must be easier than dying of one of the nasty diseases it can give you 🙂

Last edited by margbella; 04-17-2019 at 08:03 AM. Reason: phone changing my words
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Old 04-17-2019, 08:26 AM
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You're AWESOME, margbella! Keep up the good work!
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Old 04-17-2019, 08:31 AM
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Im so happy for your margbella! And your post gives me so much hope! I am new to recovery from alcohol (i have 24 days)...I quit meth 6 1/2 years ago and never looked back...but i, too, have smoked cigarettes for 35 years. Ive been thinking of quitting that too but it seems impossible to me! Your post gives me hope that maybe i can do it. Congratulations on your new journey!!!
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