10r

Dee74

I dunno about anyone else but I was addicted lol.

Addictions not logical, and when we fall into a maladaptive way of drinking to try and solve problems or fix feelings it can take a while to build a new default setting, not mention a new life.

I needed a new way of life cos my old one was all about drinking.

If it's been three years, I wonder how much you've done on building that new life?

What else have you done - what have you changed - apart from not drinking 10r?

D

Ghostlight1

I don't think there's any telling if that feeling will be with you till you die or next week.
Why does someone want to drink? I did because I wanted to get drunk. Plan and simply. I never drank in moderation. It was all I could for a long time.
All I can tell you is I've been sober for ten years and I most definitely don't want any alcohol.
I can't even remember when the craving for alcohol went away.
I now have an aversion to it. It's not part of my life any more.
I don't want a drink.

Tetrax

The grass is always greener?

lessgravity

You've been sober a few years? How many? Why?

Kaily

I was thinking of starting a similar thread myself. I am just over 5 months sober from very heavy daily drinking.

I have to still be on my guard most of the time and consciously not drink, I still crave and still want it. I keep going in the hope that it will get better.

Gottalife

Dunno 10r. I had no trouble stopping either. Did it hundreds of times. Just could not stay stopped. I usually managed only a few days dry, but with support I once got something close to 6 months before the wheels fell off.

Then I joined a spiritual program of action known as AA, started on the work, and the desire left almost straight away. It has never come back. Actually my reaction to life is so different now, that drinking just never occurs to me.

MindfulMan

Once I copped to the fact that if I drink at all, I will end up back in rehab, I resolved to never drink again. The cravings quickly dropped to near zero, and tapered off to the point that by 6 months, I didn't have them anymore. I'm going through a very rough time with the death of my dog, and I did have a craving. But it wasn't to drink and have fun. It was to numb the pain, and was easily resisted.

My experience is that when I took drinking 100% off the table, the cravings died.

kinzoku

I really don't know WHY I need to drink. I have lots of theories but more importantly, I ask myself why I pick up a drink when I say I don't want one?

Why does my impulse control fail is more important than why i have impulses.

ThatWasTheOldMe

Your brain has a reward system that alcohol stimulates - at least, this is one of the main drivers of me wanting to drink. I can't speak for others.
The side effects of alcohol abuse, however, are not fun. I'm withdrawing today and from personal experience, it's not worth the drink.

August252015

I drank because I am an alcoholic. Bottom line, by the end.

And, when I was done, I was done. I quit once and I don't have a relapse in me.

I have changed everything in my life except for blood relatives, pretty much.

Alcohol wasn't my problem. Life was.

So, like others asked: what kind of life are you actively living? Not drinking was just the first - albeit critical - step for me.

least

I started drinking a glass of wine before my kids came home from school, so I'd be relaxed and not fight with them. It quickly devolved into drinking all day, every day. I drank to numb myself so I wouldn't have to feel my feelings.

So glad I don't drink anymore.

Gottalife

Like August I drank against my will because I am an alcoholic. But your point about impulse control is a good one.

If I can try and paraphrase a bit of what Dr Silkworth had to say about this. "The alcoholic cannot take so much as one drink without losing all control. On the face of it the solution would be never to take that first drink, but that is not how it works. At certain times the alcoholic is unable to control the impulse to take the first drink, thereby setting the terrible cycle in motion. Uncontrolled spree, remorse firm resolution never to drink again, gives way to the impulse and off we go again."

Someone, Bill I think, also wrote "The twelve steps of AA are set of principles, spiritual in nature which, if practiced as a way of life can expel the desire to drink" You could switch desire for impulse without changing the meaning.

Dandelion12

Im positive that I use it to numb/stuff feelings that just seem like theyre going to kill me or drive me completely insane when they come on.

Ironic that my "solution" cause these things itself, and honestly I just didnt care if I died I just wanted the suffering to stop.

If alcohol worked long term, Id still be drinking and not care if I did die.

I guess its a good thing it doesnt work term? Doesnt feel like that right now but Im hoping it will again.

DriGuy

I think it's a complicated question with a variety of explanations. If you are an alcoholic, you will drink because you are addicted. There maybe other supporting reasons also. Chasing the high is common, I think.

Dandelion12

This thread bought to mind the Pink Floyd song "Comfortably Numb"

Scary that songs like that now make sense to me

MLD51

I think the answer to that question varies from person to person. When I started to drink I wanted to drink because it was fun, everyone else was doing it, and it took away my worries for a short time. As the years went on, it did become an obsession. I don't know if I was physically addicted to alcohol (I didn't have much in the way of withdrawal when I quit, and I could go days at a time without drinking) but I certainly had a mental fixation.

Through outpatient treatment, AA, and a bunch of journaling and introspection, I learned that I was trying to fill a hole of some sort with alcohol. It's all quite complicated, and I'm still working on it, but it boils down to not liking myself, not feeling "good enough," not having coping tools for when I felt depressed and down. Rather than face my issues, it was easier to drink and forget about it.

Now that I have over 4 years of sobriety, I have a nice toolbox to get through the rough times, and my self-esteem has improved a lot. I don't want to drink at all any more. I have learned to change my inner dialog and I don't beat myself up anymore (well, not much). I try not to worry about things I can't control. I let the universe take care of the things I can't. I feel free.

Once I drew that line in the sand, that I could never drink again without probably ruining my life for good, It was fairly easy to stop, and the urges diminished to almost nothing. I still get a little twinge now and then, that a drink would be nice, but it's a passing thought at this point. But I also know that I have to continue to work a program of recovery every day, or I risk getting back to the place where drinking is my twisted, misguided solution. It's never the solution to my real problems, and only makes them worse.

August252015

God, Dandelion- it totally does! The song immediately started playing in my head...by the end comfortably dead was my thing, except you know, just shy.

So glad that song only reminds me of how awful numbness was!!!