listae

I self-sabotaged a job and possibly a career that I love. Everything was laid out for me to do well and I was too gone in my addiction, self-pity, and anxiety to manage the job requirements.

I worked for twenty years, including getting graduate degrees and apprenticing to get the type of job that I have...Losing my job and facing my failure finally got me to get sober. I have 98 days.

But I'm filled with regret, guilt, shame, and anger at myself.

How did you move on from the regret over past actions?

MantaLady

I ruined my career or so I thought 7 years ago. I had a great reputation, was earning very very good money and had come from nothing and worked hard to get there. Day after I left A job I called my old boss when I was drunk in the afternoon, was a blackout so not sure everything I said (although have flashes of memory and it isn’t good) but my call logs did the talking for me.

It didn’t affect my work life as much I worried it would and things worked out fine.

A week later I was caught drunk driving and lost my licence.

You’d have thought I’d learnt my lesson. But as it didn’t have as devastating effect as I thought 5 years later I was still drinking and was found out being drunk on a business call whilst working at home at 1 in the afternoon.

I still struggle to deal with the shame of it but what has helped was accepting what’s done is done. I can’t change the past, I accept and own my actions. What I can do through is make sure I never do that or behave like that again. If I not been drinking I would never had made that call.

I don’t have to worry about that anymore and for that I am very very grateful xx

Canuck76

I have been wallowing in shame and regret for so long that it just wore off. My mother died suddenly last year and I realized that life is indeed short so wasting time and energy over events that can't be changed is ridiculous. life goes on...

Anna

Good job on 98 days of recovery!

It's really hard to come to terms with the messes we make while drinking. Early sobriety is often filled with guilt and shame.

I hope you can see this as something that could be positive in your life. It sounds like you have good education and experience, so maybe you will be able to find another good job. Or perhaps this is a chance to think about changing direction career-wise.

The main thing is that you have to get beyond the negative feelings or you risk falling back into alcohol. As the brilliant Maya Angelou said 'I did then what I knew how to do. Now I know better, I do better'.

thomas11

I feel for ya, and I can relate. I was a master of self sabotage. How do you recover from this? Just the way you are doing it, you quit drinking and in time I believe good things will happen. We must forgive ourselves.

Guener

I also can relate, I had a dream job and career with plenty of opportunity, all crashed about me.

Today I am working at subsistence level but doing a good job at what I am doing and enjoying it. I'm also enjoying my sobriety in doing so. I cannot change what has happened, but I can be the best at what I have available to me and feel that I'm a better person now than I was in prior days.

Push forward with whatever you can do, you never know if some opportunity that you think is lost will come forward to you or not. You are intelligent and have better wits about you now. You are still a person with value to yourself as well as to somebody else.

lifewithart

Hey there, I feel you big time. That is a tough challenge, the guilt and shame of the past. The steps are very helpful for that and meditation, especially heart based meditations focused on self-love. Sending you blessings. <3

kinzoku

Basically its like giving up drinking, you have to decide you aren't gonna live in any moment but the present. And keep doing that one day at a time.

JayTee33

Hi listae, I feel for you and empathize with your situation. Like you, I had a very successful and high-profile career that I worked towards for about 10 years..and it all fell down around me when I suffered from burnout and hit rock bottom in my addiction all at the same time.

After over a year of sobriety and reflection, I'm still coming to terms with the fall-out from this, including feelings of guilt, shame and low self-esteem. Honestly, I haven't recovered fully yet, I'm working on it every day.

The one thing that I try to keep in mind is the hidden blessing in this - my "crash" forced me to confront some hard realities about myself, about my previous definition of happiness and "success". Though I was "successful" (ie making lots of $ and climbing the ladder), the truth was that the stress and demands of the job were terribly damaging to my mental and physical health; and this "dream job" was actually counter to many of my core values and goals. So, though far from ideal, there is a silver lining - I've been forced to take a step back and decide how I truly want to spend my life and use my skills to make a living and make a difference in the world. I'm slowly getting there, building a new foundation that will hopefully put me on a course to happiness and fulfillment. I may not be as rich or as high up the corporate ladder when I get there, but I know I'll be somewhere that's truer to myself. Hopefully you are on a similar journey. All the best.

JT

tomsteve

i looked at it all and learned about me. then went out and made amends to those i hurt. that isnt going to them and saying,"im sorry;" they head that enough. i told them what i had done, why i had done it, what i had done to change my behavior, and what i will do in the future.

i changed who i am. im no longer that man. the past doesnt bother me any more-no longer trying to stuff it or wishing it didnt happen. i own it all and it doesnt bother me today-all of it was necessary for me to be who i am today.i no longer regret any of it,too.
no more self sabotaging,too. that alone was something i took a look at and learned why i did it.

Dee74

Hi Listae

I had a lot of shame guilt and regret. Over time tho, as I put more and more effort into building a sober life I loved, the present (and the future I was working towards) become more important to me than the past.

I hope it will for you too.

Its good to never forget, but shame and guilt and regret over things we can never go back and change will only weigh you down.

D

Fearlessat50

Hi Listae. Congrats on your sober time! The guilt, remorse, shame is all part of early recovery. It will take time but it will diminish. We’ve all made mistakes. But what we are doing is learning from them and moving forward. We can’t change the past but we can change ourselves. What helped me is to practice self love and compassion, be my own best friend. I did a lot of work with a therapist on this. There are also some great guided meditations about learning self compassion. I found some on YouTube. They might feel a little corny at first. But they do help

listae

Thank you for all the comments and feedback. You have no idea how much it has helped me make it to 100 days without drinking.