Values
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Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Los Angeles, Ca
Posts: 535
Values
Values and purpose are the main navigational tools in life. Our values are the starting place for all our beliefs, actions and behaviors. What are values? They are what we consider more important than our feelings.
Dennis Prager, at Prager University, summarizes what is most important in life. "What is the most important thing in life? Money? Happiness? Love? Those things are certainly important, but what matters most is good values. What are values? They are what we consider more important than our feelings. For instance, just about everyone feels like eating junk food, but if you eat whatever you feel like eating you will end up obese and unhealthy. So then, what stops people from eating all the food they feel like eating? The answer is good values. Indeed a lack of good values is the root of virtually everything wrong with the world. We should act based on values rather than our feelings."
Values are responsible for a person that stops smoking or drinking or other corrupt behaviors, after decades of abuse. Values often translate to the standards of behavior a person wants to demonstrate—to him- or herself, as well as to others. Our values help define the kind of person we want to be and the kind of life we want to live. When we live in accordance with them, our values influence our priorities, our thinking, our choices, our decision-making and our actions. When people work toward living in accordance with their identified values, their chances of success in recovery increases, as does their overall level of contentment. Invariably, when our actions are in alignment with our values, we do better, and we feel better. When our actions are consistent with our values, we participate in life in a way we can feel good about, regardless of external circumstances. Conversely, when our behavior violates our values it’s almost impossible to feel good about ourselves—no matter the outcome or external circumstances. Since values are important, where do we get our values? Do we get our values from our peers, parents, society, Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, our friends? How about the Bible?
All change ultimately occurs because of decisions (THINKING) people make for themselves. People change when they hurt enough and have to when they learn enough and want to. When they discover what they really value in life.
When your values trump your addiction, there is no addiction.
Dennis Prager, at Prager University, summarizes what is most important in life. "What is the most important thing in life? Money? Happiness? Love? Those things are certainly important, but what matters most is good values. What are values? They are what we consider more important than our feelings. For instance, just about everyone feels like eating junk food, but if you eat whatever you feel like eating you will end up obese and unhealthy. So then, what stops people from eating all the food they feel like eating? The answer is good values. Indeed a lack of good values is the root of virtually everything wrong with the world. We should act based on values rather than our feelings."
Values are responsible for a person that stops smoking or drinking or other corrupt behaviors, after decades of abuse. Values often translate to the standards of behavior a person wants to demonstrate—to him- or herself, as well as to others. Our values help define the kind of person we want to be and the kind of life we want to live. When we live in accordance with them, our values influence our priorities, our thinking, our choices, our decision-making and our actions. When people work toward living in accordance with their identified values, their chances of success in recovery increases, as does their overall level of contentment. Invariably, when our actions are in alignment with our values, we do better, and we feel better. When our actions are consistent with our values, we participate in life in a way we can feel good about, regardless of external circumstances. Conversely, when our behavior violates our values it’s almost impossible to feel good about ourselves—no matter the outcome or external circumstances. Since values are important, where do we get our values? Do we get our values from our peers, parents, society, Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, our friends? How about the Bible?
All change ultimately occurs because of decisions (THINKING) people make for themselves. People change when they hurt enough and have to when they learn enough and want to. When they discover what they really value in life.
When your values trump your addiction, there is no addiction.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
I do understand your point on sharing this often, CR. And it does make sense....to a degree, that is, for me.
My true values? No way they could beat my addiction. It had to start with choosing to live. Literally, for me, at first - then to keep making the choice to live. Then learn to do it well, and that's when those core values re-emerged. They hadn't disappeared, they were trumped by addiction; but the reverse wasn't enough to hold true.
Just my $0.02 since the simple equation that works for you doesn't compute the same for me.
My true values? No way they could beat my addiction. It had to start with choosing to live. Literally, for me, at first - then to keep making the choice to live. Then learn to do it well, and that's when those core values re-emerged. They hadn't disappeared, they were trumped by addiction; but the reverse wasn't enough to hold true.
Just my $0.02 since the simple equation that works for you doesn't compute the same for me.
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Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,645
I agree with August. I'm a generally good person, but ***** *** alcohol has always had this power over me regardless of me knowing it's wrong to do that to myself. This is why I would do things like hide it from my dad; because he knows it's wrong for me to do it to myself too.
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Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Los Angeles, Ca
Posts: 535
We've all heard the stories about a relative that had a 40 year addiction to smoking or whatever and quit cold turkey because their granddaughter or relative asked them too, because they valued living more than dying.
What about the Robins Study of Vietnam vets, thousands were addicted to heroin and quit. The were out of the intolerable overwhelming trauma of Vietnam and now back with family and friends that they valued.
Then there is the Canadian Study with Rat Park. Rats chose heroin laced water or cocaine laced water when in isolated cages, until they died. Put those rats with other rats and toys to play with an none of them died and in fact they chose sugar water over the drugged water. Yes, rats appear to have values as well!
In 1964 the Surgeon General declared that cigarettes cause cancer.
40% of smokers quit, 90% cold turkey.
My own son sucked his thumb for 10 years. He could not stop. He came home crying for several days. It turns out he was sucking his thumb in class without even knowing it and his classmates laughed at him. By his own admission he could not stop. We were about to take him to a Psychiatrist when my wife said to me, "What does he really value that would make him stop?" Well even at 10 he valued money. We offered him $100 if he could stop for a week. He did and never sucked his thumb again. BTW: He is now a financial controller for a multi-million dollar company.
My oldest son was heroin addict living on the street. He stopped when he valued his family more than his addiction. He is six years sober.
I personally stopped a 44 year addiction to drugs and alcohol when my personal relationship with Jesus Christ became my most important value and purpose in life.
I could go on...…….
What's really valuable is Faith, Family and Friends, in that order. When your values trump your addiction, there is no addiction.
What about the Robins Study of Vietnam vets, thousands were addicted to heroin and quit. The were out of the intolerable overwhelming trauma of Vietnam and now back with family and friends that they valued.
Then there is the Canadian Study with Rat Park. Rats chose heroin laced water or cocaine laced water when in isolated cages, until they died. Put those rats with other rats and toys to play with an none of them died and in fact they chose sugar water over the drugged water. Yes, rats appear to have values as well!
In 1964 the Surgeon General declared that cigarettes cause cancer.
40% of smokers quit, 90% cold turkey.
My own son sucked his thumb for 10 years. He could not stop. He came home crying for several days. It turns out he was sucking his thumb in class without even knowing it and his classmates laughed at him. By his own admission he could not stop. We were about to take him to a Psychiatrist when my wife said to me, "What does he really value that would make him stop?" Well even at 10 he valued money. We offered him $100 if he could stop for a week. He did and never sucked his thumb again. BTW: He is now a financial controller for a multi-million dollar company.
My oldest son was heroin addict living on the street. He stopped when he valued his family more than his addiction. He is six years sober.
I personally stopped a 44 year addiction to drugs and alcohol when my personal relationship with Jesus Christ became my most important value and purpose in life.
I could go on...…….
What's really valuable is Faith, Family and Friends, in that order. When your values trump your addiction, there is no addiction.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Yeah when I do good, I feel good. When I do bad, I feel bad. But I had to feel really bad to change. Takes what it takes. It is as simple or as hard as I make it. And I made it really hard for a long time.
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