readyt0change

I've been unemployed since March 1st and I've slowly got back into my old ways. I've got too much time on my hands and don't know how to spend it.

Drinking and smoking and yesterday I met with my "friend" and added a little nose candy too. Walking around that club. Chain smoking ciggarettes.. Why do I do this? That whole environment.. Barely interested in approaching girls or talking to them.

When I have one drink, one joint, one anything.. I can't stop. One is too many and a thousand is never enough.

I have an interview tomorrow. Another one on tuesday and waiting on hear back from a job which I hopefully got as well...

I'm contemplating meeting with my buddies and smoking a little more today because **** it.. it's sunday. what's one more day?

All these lies I tell myself. "it's not that bad, it could be a lot worse, you're only doing it 2 times a week.." I wake up in the morning and feel regret. Its eating away at my soul and I can't stop.

I'm scared to let go. How am I going to live sober? What will I do?
Life is passing me by and I'm wasting it to be honest.

kinzoku

It sounds more like you are flirting with sobriety than you truly want it.

You need to make a decision deep down that this is for you, and say today I won't drink or smoke or do drugs. And then do that again tomorrow.

Anna

I think most of us here have felt what you are feeling. It's a terrifying thought to give up the thing which we have come to believe we can't live without. But, you can give it up and have a good life.

You can take it day by day. But, it takes motivation to change. I hope you decide to join us in sobriety.

WeThinkNot

I agree with Kinzoku. In my previous failed sobriety attempts I was approaching it with the mentality that "I think maybe, sorta, kinda sobriety would be ok". That did me no good.

It only works when you are 100% committed. How to get to that point is strictly up to the individual.

August252015

I had to get to the point that it was, literally, quit or die.

That's where this keeps going when we are addicts.

What do you want your life to be like? The only way to find out if it can be that - or, really, what it can be because likely it's more than you can imagine right now (I remember well!) - is to stop using everything.

Hope you choose that path.

ThatWasTheOldMe

Agreed August.
It's scary when it gets to that point too.

DontRemember

Read through your past threads.. You've been doing the same things for years now, so my advice is to do the opposite. Basically; stop complaining about how your life isn't changing, while doing nothing to change it. Go to meetings..go to therapy..go to work even if you hate it. Otherwise you will stay stuck in your current situation.

Dee74

Sounds to be like your addicted self is driving the bus a little.

The last thing it wants is you in a steady job - less time for party....its scared you might even stop drinking altogether....

Most of us could write a book on self sabotage.

Imagine you're a dear friend of a guy who's thinking of doing more drinking, more coke and more god knows what else today with interviews from tomorrow.

A good friend would recommend he stop with the nonsense, stay home and get some rest.

Be a good friend to yourself.

D

readyt0change

You guys are right...

I have to commit.

Did not go out. Staying sober. Day 1.. again.

Dee74

I'm really pleased to hear that - woo hoo!

D

August252015

GREAT job!!

tomls

Great start! Hang around this place. That's what I did.

MariahGayle