Day 1 after a long time away from here
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Hi Amanda - welcome 
The recovery action plan is a great idea:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)
I felt utterly broken when I quit, but I trusted the people here who told me it would get better if I stayed sober and worked on myself a little.
They were right Amanda. I went from drinking all day everyday to 12 years sober yesterday. If I can do it anyone can
D
The recovery action plan is a great idea:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)
I felt utterly broken when I quit, but I trusted the people here who told me it would get better if I stayed sober and worked on myself a little.
They were right Amanda. I went from drinking all day everyday to 12 years sober yesterday. If I can do it anyone can
D
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Guys lets remember the purpose of this thread is to help Amanda.
Think about it.
If what you have to say which is not especially helpful in that regard, especially if its addressed to someone other than the OP, maybe take it to PM?
thanks
Dee
Moderator
SR
Think about it.
If what you have to say which is not especially helpful in that regard, especially if its addressed to someone other than the OP, maybe take it to PM?
thanks
Dee
Moderator
SR
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Los Angeles, Ca
Posts: 535
Values can be subject but they don't have to confusing.
What are values? They are what we consider more important than our feelings. For instance, just about everyone feels like eating junk food, but if you eat whatever you feel like eating you will end up obese and unhealthy. So then, what stops people from eating all the food they feel like eating? The answer is good values. Indeed a lack of good values is the root of virtually most of what is wrong with the world. We should act based on values rather than our feelings." Values often translate to the standards of behavior a person wants to demonstrate—to him- or herself, as well as to others. Our values help define the kind of person we want to be and the kind of life we want to live. When we live in accordance with them, our values influence our priorities, our thinking, our choices, our decision-making and our actions. When people work toward living in accordance with their identified values, their chances of success in recovery increases, as does their overall level of contentment. Invariably, when our actions are in alignment with our values, we do better and we feel better. When our actions are consistent with our values we participate in life in a way we can feel good about, regardless of external circumstances. Conversely, when our behavior violates our values it’s almost impossible to feel good about ourselves—no matter the outcome or external circumstances. Since values are important, where do we get our values? Do we get our values from our peers, parents, society, Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, our friends? I get my values from the Bible.
When your values trump your addiction there is no addiction.
What are values? They are what we consider more important than our feelings. For instance, just about everyone feels like eating junk food, but if you eat whatever you feel like eating you will end up obese and unhealthy. So then, what stops people from eating all the food they feel like eating? The answer is good values. Indeed a lack of good values is the root of virtually most of what is wrong with the world. We should act based on values rather than our feelings." Values often translate to the standards of behavior a person wants to demonstrate—to him- or herself, as well as to others. Our values help define the kind of person we want to be and the kind of life we want to live. When we live in accordance with them, our values influence our priorities, our thinking, our choices, our decision-making and our actions. When people work toward living in accordance with their identified values, their chances of success in recovery increases, as does their overall level of contentment. Invariably, when our actions are in alignment with our values, we do better and we feel better. When our actions are consistent with our values we participate in life in a way we can feel good about, regardless of external circumstances. Conversely, when our behavior violates our values it’s almost impossible to feel good about ourselves—no matter the outcome or external circumstances. Since values are important, where do we get our values? Do we get our values from our peers, parents, society, Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, our friends? I get my values from the Bible.
When your values trump your addiction there is no addiction.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 97
Amanda and ConfusedGuy, I hope your respective days are going well. Just after 5 a.m. here and up for an early workout. Immediately thought of you two and am hoping your afternoons are going well. These early days you have to shelve all expectations. A confused jumble of disorganized feelings and bodily functions. Things will start to settle bit by bit and the real victory you have to focus on is how most of the poison has now left your body and your trajectory for all things is up, not down. You don't EVER have to feel like **** again. At least in that awful way. Write down a plan for when the craving demons come. Script it out. What is your agenda for this afternoon? I imagine you are coming up on the witching hour. Give this to yourselves. Such great gifts, the gifts of health and sobriety and clarity and peace.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Originally Posted by MindfulMan 
I hate the word "values." Vague, nebulous and judgmental. In this context, I completely agree; also, while I know our friend who always says "when values trump addiction, there is no addiction" finds that so critical - it is also a nuanced and sophisticated view that took time to learn and apply, which is far beyond what I was capable of at the very start. It takes time to develop a real program - but the action of not drinking is the most critical thing at first for sure.
Addiction made me take actions that kept me in addiction. Once I made the decision to stop drinking entirely, the "values" and "purpose" mostly just fell into place. similar, and again, this is something a brand new sober person can wait to develop. I am repeating myself here because putting pressure on myself to "get it all" just couldn't have worked at first - Amanda, I'd venture this is something that you maybe struggled with based on how you describe just spending a few months at meetings.
Self-care and self-compassion were huge in my sobriety.
However you do it, I think the operative idea is that nearly everyone needs help and a plan. But the first step is to resolve never to drink again, under any circumstances. THAT. ...... But at some point if you don't resolve to stop putting that glass to your mouth, the rest doesn't matter. Again, THAT.
I also found honestly playing the tape in my head to the end of what happens with just one sip of alcohol was very useful. Not in a judgmental way at all. It's just a fact.
Very useful and being literal starting with where you are, with whom, etc when you take the first all the way to the next day (more?) can put things right back into the reality of why you stopped in the first place. It's something to use at the start - the literal nature of why we can't drink is, again, key at first as well as at the critical moments that crop up down the road.
Day 1 is the hardest. Cravings ebb and flow, but the trend is that they become less frequent. Just have that resolve that you are no longer a drinker and drinking is never an option. Ever. Not at a wedding, not when you're feeling lonely, not when you're at a bachelor party. There is no "well it's OK in this situation." I found it easier to just say no. Trying to moderate is its own form of hell, and simply doesn't work once you pass a certain point.
Addiction made me take actions that kept me in addiction. Once I made the decision to stop drinking entirely, the "values" and "purpose" mostly just fell into place. similar, and again, this is something a brand new sober person can wait to develop. I am repeating myself here because putting pressure on myself to "get it all" just couldn't have worked at first - Amanda, I'd venture this is something that you maybe struggled with based on how you describe just spending a few months at meetings.
Self-care and self-compassion were huge in my sobriety.
However you do it, I think the operative idea is that nearly everyone needs help and a plan. But the first step is to resolve never to drink again, under any circumstances. THAT. ...... But at some point if you don't resolve to stop putting that glass to your mouth, the rest doesn't matter. Again, THAT.
I also found honestly playing the tape in my head to the end of what happens with just one sip of alcohol was very useful. Not in a judgmental way at all. It's just a fact.
Very useful and being literal starting with where you are, with whom, etc when you take the first all the way to the next day (more?) can put things right back into the reality of why you stopped in the first place. It's something to use at the start - the literal nature of why we can't drink is, again, key at first as well as at the critical moments that crop up down the road.
Day 1 is the hardest. Cravings ebb and flow, but the trend is that they become less frequent. Just have that resolve that you are no longer a drinker and drinking is never an option. Ever. Not at a wedding, not when you're feeling lonely, not when you're at a bachelor party. There is no "well it's OK in this situation." I found it easier to just say no. Trying to moderate is its own form of hell, and simply doesn't work once you pass a certain point.
My last $0.02, Amanda, is that keeping it very simple at day one, days early in and sometimes days way down the road where my thoughts don't turn to drinking but they have been trained to go to what will keep me sober (like this past Thu in the one truly awful and also critical argument my husband and I have had).
I'm an AA person so I can tell you that for me, committing to working the program (not just going to meetings, which isn't the program itself) was what finally saved my life.
Glad you are here.
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: California
Posts: 2,435
Hi. Welcome back. . AA has helped so many people but I do not think that it is for me. I am still creating my sober life, what helps for me is coming here and reading plus sharing, outside walks, plenty of water and affirmations. I’m starting to add more exercise and it helps a lot. I stay on top of going to the doctor that used to be an issue and getting my meds filled. So glad to see you back. . You got this! <3
. AA has helped so many people but I do not think that it is for me. I am still creating my sober life, what helps for me is coming here and reading plus sharing, outside walks, plenty of water and affirmations. I’m starting to add more exercise and it helps a lot. I stay on top of going to the doctor that used to be an issue and getting my meds filled. So glad to see you back. . You got this! <3Member
Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: Gainesville, Fl
Posts: 435
Originally Posted by Angie247
Hi. Welcome back. . AA has helped so many people but I do not think that it is for me. <3
. AA has helped so many people but I do not think that it is for me. <3As a non-believing heathen, there's a lot of aspects of it that just don't hit the mark for me.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - things like SMART Recovery and Lifering are meeting based but secular in nature
here's some links to some of the main players, including but not limited to AA:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.
The main thing tho - whatever you decide to do - is do something
D
here's some links to some of the main players, including but not limited to AA:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.
The main thing tho - whatever you decide to do - is do something
D
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