Hello, Day 1
 

Hello. I have been on this site on and o for over 13 years. How shameful that the only long period of sobriety for me has been my pregnancies. And then after that it's only maybe 4 months. They are not lying when they say alcoholism is a progressive disease. I'm finally seeing how progressive it has become for me. My lief is becoming unmanageable and my depression and anxiety worse. Although I am not an everyday drinker, I am a huge binge drinker. At my worst is would be a binge every other day, sometimes up to two fifths a night followed by a the most horrible day afterwards. I cannot continue to live like this. Alcohol just has a grasp on me and keeps lying to me. I feel like I just have no willpower sometimes. The cravings are just too much. I need to learn healthy outlets.

Before anyone suggests AA, I have tried numerous times over the years. I've just never clicked with the 100's of meetings I've been through over the years. I do however enjoy some online meetings when I can find one I like. I am armed with tons of literature I've ordered and just haven't read. I plan on making a recovery plan this time but I just wanted to come on and say hi. I am going to force myself to check in daily, join the April class and post when I need help. I'm turning 40 soon and I do not want to be a drunk anymore. I've put on loads of weight from binge drinking and I know I'm just unhealthy. When I quit last year for 4 months I lost 40 pounds. I gained that back and then some. My kids and husband deserve a healthy and sober mom.

Thanks for letting me vent and share.

I'm glad that you decided to post.

I think making a daily recovery plan is a good idea. What will you do at the times of the day you would have been drinking? Can you come up with some ideas that will distract you and help you to get through the cravings?

I also deal with anxiety and depression and used alcohol to self-medicate. My anxiety became so much worse because of my drinking. You may still have anxiety and depression in sobriety, but there are healthy ways to deal with those things.

I'm glad you plan to post often. :)

Hi - I dont think AA is for me either, but Ive not tried it. From what I read you have to be programmed into some way of thinking - and god -
but I am only nearly 2 days away from my last drink and going through some withdrawals I think. And keeping on this forum because people have made good suggestions to me, and I realised that other people go through this. So you can do it too. I think it is important to believe that a better life is available.

Welcome back to the posting side of things Lucy. There's a lot of different ways you can go about getting sober, but all of them require a desire to be sober and a willingness to make sobriety your absolute #1 priority. Sounds to me like you are ready - I hope you can stick around and learn/share with us. You'll find a tremendous amount of support and understanding here.

Welcome back :)

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It's so good to see you, Lucy. :) You're never alone.

I still feel you Lucy about thing on here for a long tilme. I'm happy you came back and I'm happy I came back. I'm doing this one day at a time checking in, asking for help. I'm doing AA but I'm also going to check out some refuge recovery meetings. not sure if you've heard of that but maybe that's something you might want to consider.

Hang in there! We can do this together.

Day one is amazing! Congrats :)