Adversity in early sobriety
 

I'm newly sober, today makes day 19. Thus far, all has been going pretty darn smooth, seeing my therapist weekly, attending a lot of AA meetings, reading a lot on SR and elsewhere.

Then, suddenly, out of the blue this morning, my wife calls me and says that she was just laid off of her job. WTF?! She's a professional and had been with the company for 6+ years. She was basically making six figures and, poof, out the window. I only mention her salary because it's going to be a big hit to our family losing her income and she is going to have a tough time finding another position like the one she was in with a comparable salary.

While there's never a good time for something like this, I can't help but wonder, why now? Why did this happen while we're trying to navigate the very early days of my recovery? What, if anything, is God/the universe/fill in your deity if any here, trying to show/teach me/us?

The good news is that I still have a very good job that contributes about 60% of our combined income. (trying to stay in gratitude here :dee)

And maybe even bigger, not once upon hearing the bad news did it even cross my mind to drink. Literally, not once. Instead, my mind instantly went to things like how best to support her through this and how we can begin to cut expenses to accommodate the big decrease in $.

I can't help but wonder if this is somehow a test for me/us? How will I respond? I certainly know how I would've responded if this had happened a month ago, I'd have used it as just another excuse to start slamming down drinks. Not this time.

That's a great attitude and you will get through this.

I had one of the worst experiences of my life in my early recovery. My then 19-year old daughter learned she had a stalker, a stranger, who had been following her for most of a year. He confronted her, threatened her life, then continued to pop up for several more months. The police were useless. Like you, I wondered why this was happening to us, but quickly came to realize that, if I could get through this sober, I could get through anything. It ended up giving me a lot of confidence in my recovery.

Awesome to hear
 

You have the right attitude toward seeing it as a very good thing that you are embarking on sobriety at a time when your family needs you more than ever. Anything can come along like it has for your wife that throws a big challenge in front of us. I don't see it as a test, just a fact. Keep it in mind that you can do a lot to support yourself and your whole family by staying the course, it's all that matters and will be appreciated wholesale.

why now?

why not now? if the universe gave you the power to choose when the "bad thing" happens, exactly when would YOU pick?

i don't believe any power greater TESTS our sobriety.
i think we already make it hard enough without any outside help!
LIFE happens. to everyone. regardless of whether they are four days sober, or just had their 103rd birthday on earth.

it's just a thing. the next indicated thing. you and your wife will find a way through and it's possible it could be quite magical on the other side.

This excerpt from your post tells me everything I need to know. What a great attitude. You are already looking at what you can do to help and support your wife.

Rhetorical question: How will "slamming down drinks" help and support?

Well done on the 19 days and I think your sense of maturity and responsibility will guide you through this time.

^^^^THAT.

The best thing you said is that this didn't make you want to drink, 5329.

The really important thing, well said above - is that we get to start dealing with life and its good and bad SOBER. So, we have a chance to get thru stuff. Whether the problems we caused when drinking were big or small and need clean up (bc there WILL be things you did that need cleaning up), or new things that happen to us in sobriety, working a program of AA like you are JUST beginning (more on that in a sec) is what gets me thru.

At the very start - there's a lot to learn and, truly, I couldn't grasp just how much my perspective on life and problems and....would change, in some ways quickly and others slowly.

I know you are so detail oriented and a planner so this is understandably challenging to just that part of the picture! My now husband and I have had a couple of job things (loss and gain, both) that have had us adjust our financial picture, and still take it in shorter-term "chunks" because we simply can't do everything we want right this minute based on the choices we have made about what my work path is now.

If you stay sober, off to this great start you have, you and your wife have the best chance possible, as the two professional and capable people you clearly are, to get thru this - and I'm betting, learn a lot in the process.

Glad you are here with us- and think of how perfect the timing was that you got sober 19 days BEFORE this happened. That's a pretty major plus column piece.

Hello, Guy. Welcome.

Wow! Nineteen days without a drink is abnormal for an alcoholic.

This is what I was told, that adversity is an opportunity to practice the AA principles in all our affairs.

I hear you on facing life on life's terms. A lot of stuff happened within my first months of sobriety, but I didn't drink "at" those things anymore. You'll recover financially as long as you keep putting your sobriety first. Remember, more shall be revealed.

"What, if anything, is God/the universe/fill in your deity if any here, trying to show/teach me/us?"

Humility. Be prepared.

Congratulations on 19 days 5329guy!

I'm sorry to here about your wife losing her job but in relation to your own recovery then there has never been a better time to stay sober. You are in a much better position to provide emotional, moral and practical support sober than you would be drunk, not to mention the money you will be saving. I would say that this event is another reason to stay sober.

Congrats on almost 3 weeks sober! :) Staying sober is the best way to be to deal with adversity. Drinking solves nothing and only makes things worse.

I'm glad you're doing well in your sobriety. :)

Wow, talk about some instant perspective!! Thank you as always August! That really spoke to me. :You_Rock_

I can't tell the tone of your response. Hopefully I'm just misreading it, but it kind of sounds like you're mistaking my curiosity as a lack of humility. Would you indulge me and elaborate on what you meant? I'm here to learn. Thanks.

Hi 5429Guy

I felt like I was being tested too at the time - but now looking back I see it was just life - it was stuff I'd have simply drank though before.

The fact you're not is a great thing - congrats~ and hope there's better times ahead :)

D

Early on when I was struggling with life and new in sobriety a sweet lady in my home group told me that I just might be experiencing a spiritual growth spurt. Life isn't always unicorns and rainbows. Some days it will suck unbelievably, but with the tools of AA we don't have to drink over it.
You have a chance to emotional support someone you love. that is an amazing opportunity to show just how much that person means to you. i know when i was drinking i lost out on a lot of those opportunities.
Hang in there and turn it over to your higher power. Your HP may have shut a window, but when doing so he may have also open another door