I Think I’m an Addict Yet No-One Else Does
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 7
I Think I’m an Addict Yet No-One Else Does
Hi there, long time lurker turned first time poster.
I personally believe I have a problem with alcohol and drugs, yet anyone who knows me would wholeheartedly disagree. In fact, having always been around a drink and drug culture as my main source of socialising the vast majority of people I know will drink or do drugs on pretty much a daily basis, whereas I don’t.
Let me to stick to talking about one of my “addictions” – alcohol. Bar a 3-month period in my early 20’s (after splitting up with my girlfriend of 3 years – I think sadness at the time may be of relevance) I have never drank on a daily basis. In fact, as I have got older, especially over the last 5-10 years, I rarely drink more than 2-3 times a week. Additionally, I hardly ever drink two days in a row. However, when I do drink I seem to have no off-button (this will probably explain why I don’t drink on consecutive days, as after a monster 12 hour plus session the last thing I want to do is drink again).
I have been known to carry on drinking for well over 24 hours, usually buoyed on by cocaine use, which simply allows me to continue throwing crazy amounts of beer, vodka and shots down my throat. To me this is a problem. To friends and acquaintances who would no doubt consume far more alcohol than me on a weekly basis, but probably nowhere near the same quantities as me within a 24-hour period, they don’t see themselves as having a problem and enjoy their level of social drinking.
For them I am happy. For me, it’s different. Alcohol has lost the lure it once had. I remember when drinking used to be fun, I remember making some of the best memories of my life with a drink in hand. Now unfortunately whenever I drink I seem to go into self-destruction mode and am typically incapable of doing anything constructive for 4 or 5 days after one of my binging sessions.
So I may not have a physical addiction – I’m never “dying” for a drink, I can quite often go days and weeks without consuming any alcohol, but when I do drink I have all the self-control of a wayward teenager (apologies to any teenagers on here). I can’t seem to control, moderate or just “have a couple”. To me this means I have a problem with alcohol, perhaps not in the conventional sense, but a problem nevertheless.
I personally believe I have a problem with alcohol and drugs, yet anyone who knows me would wholeheartedly disagree. In fact, having always been around a drink and drug culture as my main source of socialising the vast majority of people I know will drink or do drugs on pretty much a daily basis, whereas I don’t.
Let me to stick to talking about one of my “addictions” – alcohol. Bar a 3-month period in my early 20’s (after splitting up with my girlfriend of 3 years – I think sadness at the time may be of relevance) I have never drank on a daily basis. In fact, as I have got older, especially over the last 5-10 years, I rarely drink more than 2-3 times a week. Additionally, I hardly ever drink two days in a row. However, when I do drink I seem to have no off-button (this will probably explain why I don’t drink on consecutive days, as after a monster 12 hour plus session the last thing I want to do is drink again).
I have been known to carry on drinking for well over 24 hours, usually buoyed on by cocaine use, which simply allows me to continue throwing crazy amounts of beer, vodka and shots down my throat. To me this is a problem. To friends and acquaintances who would no doubt consume far more alcohol than me on a weekly basis, but probably nowhere near the same quantities as me within a 24-hour period, they don’t see themselves as having a problem and enjoy their level of social drinking.
For them I am happy. For me, it’s different. Alcohol has lost the lure it once had. I remember when drinking used to be fun, I remember making some of the best memories of my life with a drink in hand. Now unfortunately whenever I drink I seem to go into self-destruction mode and am typically incapable of doing anything constructive for 4 or 5 days after one of my binging sessions.
So I may not have a physical addiction – I’m never “dying” for a drink, I can quite often go days and weeks without consuming any alcohol, but when I do drink I have all the self-control of a wayward teenager (apologies to any teenagers on here). I can’t seem to control, moderate or just “have a couple”. To me this means I have a problem with alcohol, perhaps not in the conventional sense, but a problem nevertheless.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,369
People will disagree for a variety of reasons
* they may be heavy drinkers, abusers, or even alcoholics themselves and your highlighting your problem reflects badly on them
* they may be in denial - my family refused to accept I could be an alcoholic.
* they may think, like many do, that unless you're homeless and drinking a bottle of cheap wine out of a paper bag under a bridge you're not a real alcoholic.
* closely related is the idea that unless you're drinking every day all day/drinking with friends/drinking on the weekend etc etc that you're not an alcoholic
* they may only see the tip of the iceberg - only we see the solo drinking binges in secret, and only we feel the terrible feelings and shame and guilt that we do.
The important thing is you feel its a problem and you want to change.
You've come to a great place for support
D
* they may be heavy drinkers, abusers, or even alcoholics themselves and your highlighting your problem reflects badly on them
* they may be in denial - my family refused to accept I could be an alcoholic.
* they may think, like many do, that unless you're homeless and drinking a bottle of cheap wine out of a paper bag under a bridge you're not a real alcoholic.
* closely related is the idea that unless you're drinking every day all day/drinking with friends/drinking on the weekend etc etc that you're not an alcoholic
* they may only see the tip of the iceberg - only we see the solo drinking binges in secret, and only we feel the terrible feelings and shame and guilt that we do.
The important thing is you feel its a problem and you want to change.
You've come to a great place for support
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: New England
Posts: 1,224
If you feel your drinking is a problem, you've come to the right place.
alcoholism or alcohol abuse is not just drinking every day. It's a lack of control of drinking after that first one.
You can be free of this destructive addiction and live a very fulfilling life without it and posting here is a great start.
Welcome to SR..
alcoholism or alcohol abuse is not just drinking every day. It's a lack of control of drinking after that first one.
You can be free of this destructive addiction and live a very fulfilling life without it and posting here is a great start.
Welcome to SR..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 7
Thanks for the replies.
I am in total agreement with the various points made and I do believe that the way we view our relationship with alcohol is a very personal thing.
It also feels good to have found some like-minded people that I can open up to and who "understand" some of the thoughts that go through my mind.
Thanks again.
I am in total agreement with the various points made and I do believe that the way we view our relationship with alcohol is a very personal thing.
It also feels good to have found some like-minded people that I can open up to and who "understand" some of the thoughts that go through my mind.
Thanks again.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Western New York
Posts: 2,440
Welcome!
Theres lots of variations of out of control. I drank every day, but only went "off the rails" occationally. It was still damaging to me physically, mentally and emotionally and I couldn't ever stick to "safe" limits. Being sober is freedom.
Theres lots of variations of out of control. I drank every day, but only went "off the rails" occationally. It was still damaging to me physically, mentally and emotionally and I couldn't ever stick to "safe" limits. Being sober is freedom.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by MrPtotheB 
Thanks for the replies.
I am in total agreement with the various points made and I do believe that the way we view our relationship with alcohol is a very personal thing.
It also feels good to have found some like-minded people that I can open up to and who "understand" some of the thoughts that go through my mind.
Thanks again.
I am in total agreement with the various points made and I do believe that the way we view our relationship with alcohol is a very personal thing.
It also feels good to have found some like-minded people that I can open up to and who "understand" some of the thoughts that go through my mind.
Thanks again.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,808
I had the same reaction from people around me when I first got sober. I drank a lot like you did, so a lot of people didn't realize how bad my problem really was. I could go days without drinking, sometimes I'd go a week. I used that as a justification for continuing to drink for years when I probably shouldn't have. BUT when I took that first drink, all bets were off. The consequences of those binges were getting worse and worse. The shame was building to a point where I really hated myself after every one. I finally figured out that it didn't matter what my "label" is, or what anyone else thought. Drinking was slowly ruining my life. Many people were surprised when I quit. But the people who knew me best were not. They knew I was not myself, and had been concerned for some time, but had never said anything. So if you decide to quit, you might be surprised at the responses you get. I ignored the people who said things like "but you aren't an alcoholic, are you?" I would just tell them it didn't matter, that I knew alcohol was a major issue for me, and I was done. Don't worry about what other people say/think. Do what's right for you.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Glad you are here Mr P - and I echo what Dee and others said. His "list" in particular included things I was living with and among - especially a crowd like you describe, most who were "as bad" or "worse" than me, as I kept lowering that bar.
I've always liked the expression "there are as many kinds of alcoholics as there are alcoholism." Essentially, we are all the same at the core- we cannot control our drinking once we start, and our lives are [unacceptable, unmanageable, not fulfilling, whatever consequential word you choose].
Have you looked into any IRL program, or resources, whether the Big Book of AA, literature on what an alcoholic/addict is (or isn't), perhaps any of the reading on the list Anna has? (Sorry, I am bad at linking but she might)
Educating ourselves on our disease is really essential, particularly if your "world" has never had any alcoholics/addicts in it or others don't acknowledge your problem. For example, while I grew up with an alcoholic mother who is now sober but stormed thru our lives for a long time, and everyone knew I was going to die if I didn't quit and was a near fatal "case" - my husband's parents were surprised to hear he realized he was an alcoholic and was getting sober. I have just past three years and he will have three in June, and they even asked him after his first and second years if he was still on the whole sober thing.
Glad you decided to post.
I've always liked the expression "there are as many kinds of alcoholics as there are alcoholism." Essentially, we are all the same at the core- we cannot control our drinking once we start, and our lives are [unacceptable, unmanageable, not fulfilling, whatever consequential word you choose].
Have you looked into any IRL program, or resources, whether the Big Book of AA, literature on what an alcoholic/addict is (or isn't), perhaps any of the reading on the list Anna has? (Sorry, I am bad at linking but she might)
Educating ourselves on our disease is really essential, particularly if your "world" has never had any alcoholics/addicts in it or others don't acknowledge your problem. For example, while I grew up with an alcoholic mother who is now sober but stormed thru our lives for a long time, and everyone knew I was going to die if I didn't quit and was a near fatal "case" - my husband's parents were surprised to hear he realized he was an alcoholic and was getting sober. I have just past three years and he will have three in June, and they even asked him after his first and second years if he was still on the whole sober thing.
Glad you decided to post.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 405
Don't underestimate how deep in denial people can be when it comes to their loved ones' addictions. I was a daily drinker...I did my maintenance drinking during the week and binge drinking on weekends so my two settings were "bad" and "worse". Although it was obvious I had a problem my family, friends, and ex-wife just didn't want to believe it.
I think people are so conditioned to believe addicts are society's castoffs they willfully look the other way when it affects somebody they care about.
I think people are so conditioned to believe addicts are society's castoffs they willfully look the other way when it affects somebody they care about.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Oakland
Posts: 561
I read an article recently about a guy who was drinking one day. He had a couple cocktails after work and then a few more out with friends. He thought he was spacing them out and he felt fine. On the way home there been an accident so people that pulled over onto the shoulder. He didn't react in time and he plowed into the crowd and killed four people that night. He's in prison now and he's sober a choice and realizes that he had a problem then but didn't notice it. Sometimes I think about that guy because I think what will it take to notice.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 7
Thank you ALL so, so, so much for your replies and words of encouragement.
It's weird, but I actually have a smile on my face as I type this and have nodded my head in agreement to each individual post. You all make perfect sense and I feel much wisdom within these responses.
MLD51, this really tugged at the heartstrings as I see so much of myself within this one post. "I may not be homeless and drinking a bottle of cheap wine out of a paper bag under a bridge" (Thank You Dee, I can see myself using this line over and over), but YES I believe drinking is slowly ruining my life.
It's weird, but I actually have a smile on my face as I type this and have nodded my head in agreement to each individual post. You all make perfect sense and I feel much wisdom within these responses.
MLD51, this really tugged at the heartstrings as I see so much of myself within this one post. "I may not be homeless and drinking a bottle of cheap wine out of a paper bag under a bridge" (Thank You Dee, I can see myself using this line over and over), but YES I believe drinking is slowly ruining my life.
Originally Posted by MLD51
I had the same reaction from people around me when I first got sober. I drank a lot like you did, so a lot of people didn't realize how bad my problem really was. I could go days without drinking, sometimes I'd go a week. I used that as a justification for continuing to drink for years when I probably shouldn't have. BUT when I took that first drink, all bets were off. The consequences of those binges were getting worse and worse. The shame was building to a point where I really hated myself after every one. I finally figured out that it didn't matter what my "label" is, or what anyone else thought. Drinking was slowly ruining my life. Many people were surprised when I quit. But the people who knew me best were not. They knew I was not myself, and had been concerned for some time, but had never said anything. So if you decide to quit, you might be surprised at the responses you get. I ignored the people who said things like "but you aren't an alcoholic, are you?" I would just tell them it didn't matter, that I knew alcohol was a major issue for me, and I was done. Don't worry about what other people say/think. Do what's right for you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Nashville, Tennessee
Posts: 348
Welcome, Mr.
I knew I had some kind of problem because when I drank I got into all kinds of trouble, lying, sneaking around, ending up with people I didn't even like, went places I didn't even want to go, and buying things I didn't even want or need.
I drank differently than my brother, dad, aunts, uncles, and cousins, so my mother told me I wasn't an alcoholic. I knew that I was in trouble, though.
But - she wasn't with me to see me drink. What happened was I took a drink and the drink took me. I dug and dug until I got tired of digging. I went as low as I wanted to go.
What helped me was attending open AA meetings in the beginning. Someone suggested I read a sentence out of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, which is:
"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic." That pretty much did it for me.
I have 21 years of continuous sobriety by living the AA way, and for that I'm truly grateful.
Good luck on your journey.
I knew I had some kind of problem because when I drank I got into all kinds of trouble, lying, sneaking around, ending up with people I didn't even like, went places I didn't even want to go, and buying things I didn't even want or need.
I drank differently than my brother, dad, aunts, uncles, and cousins, so my mother told me I wasn't an alcoholic. I knew that I was in trouble, though.
But - she wasn't with me to see me drink. What happened was I took a drink and the drink took me. I dug and dug until I got tired of digging. I went as low as I wanted to go.
What helped me was attending open AA meetings in the beginning. Someone suggested I read a sentence out of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, which is:
"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic." That pretty much did it for me.
I have 21 years of continuous sobriety by living the AA way, and for that I'm truly grateful.
Good luck on your journey.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Los Angeles, Ca
Posts: 535
In my view, there are two ways to determine if you are an alcoholic. One is the traditional way by examining the effects of your drinking. (hungover, missed work, DUI, anger, fights, etc.) The better way is from the inside out. Do you drink to escape circumstances in life that make you feel intolerably helpless, trapped, powerless or out of control? If this is the case, you drink for emotional purposes to escape the trap of feeling helpless about whatever is overwhelming for you. I was a high functioning alcoholic for more than 4 decades. I never considered myself helpless. The truth is that while intellectually I was not helpless, I did feel emotionally helpless with regard to specific circumstances. I would regain control of my feelings with booze! Now I can regain control of my feelings/emotions with high value behaviors that empower me, instead of drugs. Addictions always serve an emotional purpose. It's all about regaining control with different behaviors.
When your values trump your addiction, there is no addiction. "Don't be conformed to this world, but be transformed with new thinking." Romans 12:2
When your values trump your addiction, there is no addiction. "Don't be conformed to this world, but be transformed with new thinking." Romans 12:2
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,312
Originally Posted by djlook
I took a drink and the drink took me.
When I quit, I was told that I was fine, didn’t have a problem, only got “too crazy sometimes”, wasn’t like the other drinkers we knew, etc. But nobody knew how I felt and how out of control I actually was. The drink literally took me after one sip...I had a complete loss of control and could only focus on the next drink, and the next, and the next.
It took effort, and a lot of support here at SR, for me to realize that it didn’t matter what anyone else thought about my drinking. At the end of the day, it’s about me and what I know to be true.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,254
Hi MrP my drinking sounds alot like yours, no off switch on times i do drink. I also struggle with no one else thinking i have a problem, i have tried to tell my mam lots of times but she dosn't understand as does not have alcohol problem and just says well its ok to have a couple !!! But i rarely can have a couple, but i guess i hide that. But its very difficult if i go to my mams and she still offers my glass of wine, often i end up having one as feel its 'keeping her company' only often that leads to me buying more on way home !!! And friends all think going for a drink is the only way to be social.
like others have said i am trying to focus on just looking after me, i know it negatively effects me and know not drinking brings so much more to my life, it is hard though and only on day 3 again !!! But i keep trying and try to be stronger and will beat it. But yes you have to put you first and do what is right for you even if that means distancing from others for a while i think. I think this is an ok time yo be selfish for a while.
like others have said i am trying to focus on just looking after me, i know it negatively effects me and know not drinking brings so much more to my life, it is hard though and only on day 3 again !!! But i keep trying and try to be stronger and will beat it. But yes you have to put you first and do what is right for you even if that means distancing from others for a while i think. I think this is an ok time yo be selfish for a while.
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