Comorbidity
 

What if you have diagnosed OCD and self-diagnosed alcoholism and you feel the need to drink that one last can because it's there? Even though you don't really want it? Is it OCD or alcoholism?

I just don't know, anymore.

I don't have OCD but I wanted to drink all the alcohol in the world. There was no amount of 'drunk' good enough.

I've know folks here with OCD and alcoholism to be sober so neithers a dealbreaker :)

D

Though it's true I eat Prozac for breakfast, it is also so f***ing hard to tell why I can't leave a can behind - to stew in the fridge, say - rather than deposit the f***er down m' gullet, if ya know what I mean.

I would say it's your OCD actually, because most alcoholics don't want one lousy beer, they want 10.
There was once or twice during my sober journey that a beer was left in the fridge (son's friend) and it actually sat there for a long time and I don't remember it ever really tempting me because it was only 1 beer, lol.

I agree with your logic Jessie, but alas the beer in question would indeed be my - I believe - 10th drink tonight (2 bottles of wine + 2 beers). I'm just winding down though. I ain't drunk or nothing.

Oh it’s the alcoholism, leave it be. You’ll just want more. That’s what we alkies do

Does it matter? Both conditions should be treated

Nothing's going to change until you stop drinking. It's only you that can put as much effort/energy(hell even money)into not drinking as you do drinking. Ocd,Prozac,roomates(insert any reason here),don't drink for you.. That's on you to either choose to do or not do.

Tetrax, whatever happens tonight please don't be ashamed to be on here and fighting for your day one.

That's all that matters. This day and this moment. Sober.

I know it so. The problem is, the whole issue is: HOW DO YOU FILL THE HOLE??? I just did 23 days sober then drank for 1 day then did 5 days sober, now I've been 2 days not sober. I know sober and I know how bored and on my own it is. I admit I've built a life made for drinking and that's why I'm alone. I'm a bartender and live with other bartenders. It's scary how much I've built my life to bow down at the alter of booze. I've never done a 9-5 job, I've only ever worked as a barman. I don't get normal people. Even alcoholics with normal jobs. Plus I'm on Prozac and have a bunch of mental health s**t to deal with! I am the complete neurotic, basically.

I wouldn't mind a relationship but can't imagine one anytime soon or ever. I'm 34; I had a couple of girlfriends in my mid-20s, but they were both shallow as hell.

And that is it. The story of my love life.

Two girlfriends in 34 years. I am a f***ing loser, pretty much ugly. In good shape but basically a born geek in the sense that girls only ever want me as a friend. And only occasional confidence. I'm not suicidal but I might as well be.

And on top of all that, there is NOTHING. NOTHING like drink to keep me motivated. Goshdamn...

What do you want? How are you going to get there?

If drinking is motivating you, what exactly is it motivating you for and is that where you want to be. Doesn't sound like it.

I have a lot of things I would say to you tetrax (I'm not an alcoholic btw) but when I read about your boredom and the void you feel I felt compelled to reply.

I am rarely bored, have no huge void in my life and I seldom drink. So what is the difference?

You have built your life around alcohol, as you said and that is a fact. If you want to quit you are going to have to get up and fill that void with what you want in your life. The first part is to stop drinking. How can you heal your mind if you are drinking? How can you change the pleasure pathways in your brain if you won't stop? You won't. You can do it though, if you want it badly enough.

On the rare occasions that I am bored (and it is rare) I look for interesting information to read about and think about. I get up and I do something, whether that is going out somewhere, going for a walk or cleaning the kitchen, listening to music.

These things may all seem flat to you without alcohol. How about taking some time to heal and you might find you actually appreciate things "real".

Sorry it's late and this post is a bit "rambly" but I do wish you well. I think you have it in you.

Thing is Tetrax that you don’t fill the hole, you learn how to heal it! That is the point of having a plan and working a programme. I used to think life was boring without a drink. But, was just confusing the feeling of boredom with the reality which I was not comfortable in my own skin so I blamed boredom as that meant I could stay in a state of denial and not do the hard yards to remain sober.

Like virtually every other addict I did not like stepping out of my comfort zone. Getting drunk and creating drama was what I had become comfortable with, that was my normal and I didn’t know how to live any other way. I also deep down wasn’t willing to step out of my comfort zone and really try to live any other way. When it got hard I would always return to that comfort zone.

You could get another room somewhere, spareroom has thousands of people looking to rent out their spare rooms to people or for a house share so maybe look into that option.

It’s not who you are that is holding you back Tetrax, it’s who you think you are not! x

I had to accept that the only way my life was gonna get better was to try something I hadn't tried.

I'd tried drinking - that didn't make my life better. Neither did pot....but I tried both for decades.

I realised I needed more than 60 days sober (my pre SR record) to give not drinking a decent try.

Was it uncomfortable at times? yeah.

I though I was going out of my mind at certain points - but I'd felt that way drinking too, and I still pressed on drinking....

Not drinkings uncomfortable - and building a new way to live is uncomfortable too, and takes a little while - but it's not excruciating IMO.

I reckon you (or the addicted part of you) is just trying to convince yourself it is.

D

The only thing continued drinking motivated me to do was continue my drinking lifestyle. Continuing NOT drinking motivates me to do whatever I want. I still work 14hrs/day most days.. I'm still single after my last 'drinking buddy gf' of 13yrs..my daughter's still an ass some days.. I still deal with other people's 'nonsense' daily on a business level... I'm still sober. My sobriety started by not drinking.. It is really that simple. One thing..dont drink. Then work through your stuff.. Pay off debt..save some money..go to meetings and/or therapy...ect.. Dumb it down,man..take it slow and start by stopping drinking..

So build a life that's made for not drinking. And stop coming up with excuses not to. You can always find a reason - your job, your relationships ( or lack of ), your roommates, your past, your financial situation, and so on ans so forth. You talk about "filling the hole" but you built the hole. Bury that hole by quitting drinking - thats' step one. Then start piling things up above ground one by one - and you'll be amazed at how much better it will be. But make no mistake - none of that can work until you decide to quit drinking and accept that it's never OK to take even one sip - ever.

It's not going to be easy. And frankly it might seem like things are getting worse at first - because your body and mind will need to adjust to not being sedated all the time. Anxiety, withdrawals, and other unlpleasant things are just a natural reaction. But they are finite - usually weeks at the long end of things.

You also need to accept that you'll need to seek treatment for your mental health issues - they will not magically disappear when you quit drinking. Some of them may improve, and you will have an increased capacity to deal with them once you quit - but professional treatment like therapy or possibly even meds might be required. And it will take time - months, maybe even years - for those issues to be worked out. But they CAN be worked out if you are willing to do the work. I personally drank to try and "Cure" my anxiety for decades - and it eventually made it worse of course.

Why doesn't matter if an alcoholic keeps drinking. The act of drinking IS, and that rules out figuring anything else out clearly.

Tetrax, you keep asking variations of the same questions, and throwing up a billion excuses and "questions" and....we want to help but what is it you are willing to DO? 23 days here, 5 days there, drinking now.....that's just not enough to get you anywhere close to a place that your head is clear and you have even a chance of getting a new life.

You are here with us now - like I just said on another thread - I don't believe we get infinite chances to quit.

You're drinking - but you're able to post. You still have control over choices.

Are you going to quit and get started on what we are all telling you is so much better?

Up to you.