jessie65

So many new people here! I haven't visited in a while, I guess sometimes it can trigger me, and then sometimes it helps me.

But anyway, good to be here, been sober for just about 3 years, 4 months. This board helped me to get sober, I didn't use any program and never really told anybody, so just suffered through it... it was probably the hardest thing I ever did.

Once in a while the AV will rear it's ugly head, and I find myself back here reading horror stories (sorry).

I do know that I am so flawed. I have picked up other 'addictions', probably just trying to fill that void that the alcohol took care of.
I over shop and I over eat, and I hide it just like I did the alcohol. I wonder why I am like this? I know I've always over-done everything in my life, I always went overboard on everything, I'm known for it I think, so maybe it all plays in? It's just my make up. I just can't seem to moderate Anything!
Sometimes I think how life would be so much better if I could just enjoy the things I love, in moderation, and not have to give everything up. Life becomes pretty dull when you give up all your guilty pleasures.

So, just wanted to say hi, and to the newcomers you really can get sober. If I can anybody can!

Tailai

Ghostlight1

Hello and congratulations on your sober time.
As I've always said about myself, I don't do things, I overdo them. Smoking, eating working out. I overdid them all. I have managed to quit smoking, but I still overeat and compulsively workout. And I'm thin. But it's all muscle.
But that's not going to kill me and die a slow, alcoholic death.
If you can't moderate things that aren't going to kill you, I wouldn't worry about it.

Thanks for checking in. It's great to hear from you.

DreamCatcher17

Congrats to 3 years!

I found myself replacing one addiction for another too.
It took a lot of therapy, self-help books, and acceptance for me to overcome alcohol, drugs, food, sex, etc...
I am finally happy with me-It all starts within us.

Blessings,
DC

PhoenixJ

Jess -you are ahead of mr by a few months- so well done

As an alcie- I try to avoid absolutes- shoulds, have to's and musts...…
AND all or nothings-

one crusty roll tastes great- so 4 will be better
a double shot flat white is perfect- so a triple shot has to be better


I struggle with over indulging- which has it's roots in drinking a lot, A LOT of wine to seek oblivion from life and the habit stuck


So your words resonate...keep at it...and I will remind me, and you of a little pearl of wisdom a guy shared in a recovery comedy gig..this guy, in his own words- is fat. Kind of what he said, anyway

He has been told his over indulgence in eating junk food is just as dangerous to his health as his addiction was.

The comedy guy used to be bashed by his dad- his drunk dad.

So the comedy guy replies (sarcasm warning) 'yeah your right, when I am one my second big Mac- I tend to start driving dangerously and hitting children '

My support to you.

bexxed

Hi Jessie!

Congrats on your sober time.

I find that I feel inclined to fill a void that I think has little to do with chemical addiction per se-and more of a need to do something a tiny bit “bad”. It goes back as far as I can remember. When I was six years old and first learned to read, I’d creep out of my bad after my parents thought I was asleep, and read books by the light at the top of the stairs in our little house. Later, at about age eight, I’d hide handfuls of corn nuts under furniture and take some every day, replenishing my stash when I could. I got caught doing both. As a teen I would elaborately plan solitary walks into the woods near the house where I would smoke stolen cigarettes from my father’s pack.

Alcohol was different. It created chaos in my life and my life became unmanageable. Today I took two small chocolate caramels I’d stashed in a hiding spot in the cupboard and dipped them in coffee. It’s ridiculous to have hidden them because I could replace them easily and I’m not a chocolate addict. I just like having a little thing here and there that’s a tiny bit bad and my own little secret.

Is it addict behavior? Maybe. I’ve looked at it. For now, I’m landing at this: a couple chocolate caramels, a toke on a nicotine free vape, a short trip to watch the sun set, an elaborately planned date with a piece of pie.... doesn’t make my life unmanageable and chaotic. It’s me being my weird self that I’ve always been. Especially since, when doing these things, I reflect on what a miracle it is that I’m not wasted and carrying on with daily drunk depressing drama. Two years and seven + months here, so a little behind you.

I think it becomes a problem when you know it is, and it’s interfering with your life.

Thanks for your post!

-b

kinzoku

I remember when I got sober last I never ever lost that intense desire to "burn it down".

As others mentioned, I think channelling that desire into something like working out is best.

Although in all likelihood freedom from desire would be best.

Thanks for coming and sharing! Congrats on your time