Day to day being an alcoholic
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 43
Day to day being an alcoholic
Hi all
So, I'm Not a newcomer to alcoholism - I'm very experienced in it. I'm 34 now, and an alcoholic probably since I was 16 or so.
The day to day is getting a bit tough. I'm not fighting to quit at the moment. I actually am not trying to quit at all.
I have a good job, and I work hard, but I'm sick this week (hopefully not an alcohol-related thing, but had severe headaches for the last few days). Went into work this morning, but had to leave because the pain was quite intense.
Couldn't get a doctor's appointment- I'm living abroad and don't speak the language. I could go to a doctor without an appointment, but, of course, I came home and drank. I don't want to go in slurring or smelling of drink.
I'll try again tomorrow, but just a bit fed up. It has been a long time when I'm always conscious about smelling of drink around people. I'm not socialising, and get a bit lonely because of that. But, I'd prefer to be home with some vodka, than out in company.
I haven't managed to break this cycle. I quit drinking for three days back in 2017, but, other than that it's a 70cl bottle of vodka every day on average. My skin is really dry, and my face has a lot of broken veins.
Part of me is thinking of going into a hospital tomorrow, but I'm pretty sure that I won't. Not even sure of what kind of reception I would get, as hospitals aren't so interested in self-inflicted issues.
It's just a bit crap. I could afford to go to a doctor, or to go out shopping for clothes, etc., but I constantly stop myself from doing that by drinking.
So, I'm Not a newcomer to alcoholism - I'm very experienced in it. I'm 34 now, and an alcoholic probably since I was 16 or so.
The day to day is getting a bit tough. I'm not fighting to quit at the moment. I actually am not trying to quit at all.
I have a good job, and I work hard, but I'm sick this week (hopefully not an alcohol-related thing, but had severe headaches for the last few days). Went into work this morning, but had to leave because the pain was quite intense.
Couldn't get a doctor's appointment- I'm living abroad and don't speak the language. I could go to a doctor without an appointment, but, of course, I came home and drank. I don't want to go in slurring or smelling of drink.
I'll try again tomorrow, but just a bit fed up. It has been a long time when I'm always conscious about smelling of drink around people. I'm not socialising, and get a bit lonely because of that. But, I'd prefer to be home with some vodka, than out in company.
I haven't managed to break this cycle. I quit drinking for three days back in 2017, but, other than that it's a 70cl bottle of vodka every day on average. My skin is really dry, and my face has a lot of broken veins.
Part of me is thinking of going into a hospital tomorrow, but I'm pretty sure that I won't. Not even sure of what kind of reception I would get, as hospitals aren't so interested in self-inflicted issues.
It's just a bit crap. I could afford to go to a doctor, or to go out shopping for clothes, etc., but I constantly stop myself from doing that by drinking.
Friendly Folk
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Powers Lake, Wisconsin
Posts: 21,705
Glad you are posting. I hope you come to a decision to get healthy. Sooner or later you will get 'sick and tired' of being 'sick and tired'. Just keep posting because we are here for you no matter what!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 46
Your post resonates a lot with me. I’m 31 and have been an alcoholic since about 18. I prefer to stay home and drink alone than socialise too, which does affect my mental health/stability due to loneliness, but I still choose it over being around people. Wine is/was my drink - around 10 bottles a week, often more, and drinking pretty much every day.
My skin is so dry I’ve recently had to stop wearing foundation because no matter how much heavy moisturiser I use it just sits on my dry, flaky skin. I have little broken capillaries which are visible on my cheeks.
What you say about being able to go to a doctor, or go clothes shopping for example, also sounds familiar to me. I’ve just disappeared by myself over the years to drink alone. The effects of my drinking have recently come up a notch and I’m desperate to quit. I’m on day two.
Do you think you’ll make a plan to quit? Is sobriety what you want? I understand where you’re coming from. It’s such a mentally tortured place to be.
My skin is so dry I’ve recently had to stop wearing foundation because no matter how much heavy moisturiser I use it just sits on my dry, flaky skin. I have little broken capillaries which are visible on my cheeks.
What you say about being able to go to a doctor, or go clothes shopping for example, also sounds familiar to me. I’ve just disappeared by myself over the years to drink alone. The effects of my drinking have recently come up a notch and I’m desperate to quit. I’m on day two.
Do you think you’ll make a plan to quit? Is sobriety what you want? I understand where you’re coming from. It’s such a mentally tortured place to be.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,163
Yeah, day to day, same old same old, been there done that. Great fun while it lasted until it got to be too much, except that it wasn't really that much fun before then. I wish I would have quite drinking earlier, or never even started, but I was young, and it seemed like a good thing to do. I am happy to be one of the few victims of the disease that found a way out. Most don't.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 43
Thanks for all of the responses already.
Polished - yeah - I think I was about 29 when I really, really saw the physical effects. Each year gets progressively worse, where I'm missing how I looked the year before. After the mid 20s, I guess you can't really get away with it anymore.
I'd love to not be tied to this. I'd love to be able to quit. I just am not doing a very good job at it. I don't have any plan for quitting - just going around with my head held lower and lower.
Briefly, after reading the responses, I did think that it should not be so hard to quit. Nobody is forcing me to drink. But, the thought of waking up in the morning and not drinking.. actually makes sense too.
Think I'm having brief moment of clarity. :/
Polished - yeah - I think I was about 29 when I really, really saw the physical effects. Each year gets progressively worse, where I'm missing how I looked the year before. After the mid 20s, I guess you can't really get away with it anymore.
I'd love to not be tied to this. I'd love to be able to quit. I just am not doing a very good job at it. I don't have any plan for quitting - just going around with my head held lower and lower.
Briefly, after reading the responses, I did think that it should not be so hard to quit. Nobody is forcing me to drink. But, the thought of waking up in the morning and not drinking.. actually makes sense too.
Think I'm having brief moment of clarity. :/
Member
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 46
Originally Posted by jjkjlklj 
Thanks for all of the responses already.
Polished - yeah - I think I was about 29 when I really, really saw the physical effects. Each year gets progressively worse, where I'm missing how I looked the year before. After the mid 20s, I guess you can't really get away with it anymore.
I'd love to not be tied to this. I'd love to be able to quit. I just am not doing a very good job at it. I don't have any plan for quitting - just going around with my head held lower and lower.
Briefly, after reading the responses, I did think that it should not be so hard to quit. Nobody is forcing me to drink. But, the thought of waking up in the morning and not drinking.. actually makes sense too.
Think I'm having brief moment of clarity. :/
Polished - yeah - I think I was about 29 when I really, really saw the physical effects. Each year gets progressively worse, where I'm missing how I looked the year before. After the mid 20s, I guess you can't really get away with it anymore.
I'd love to not be tied to this. I'd love to be able to quit. I just am not doing a very good job at it. I don't have any plan for quitting - just going around with my head held lower and lower.
Briefly, after reading the responses, I did think that it should not be so hard to quit. Nobody is forcing me to drink. But, the thought of waking up in the morning and not drinking.. actually makes sense too.
Think I'm having brief moment of clarity. :/
I keep reminding myself that much of quitting is fear: fear of losing my hobby, my crutch, my ‘confidence’; fear of being bored; fear of fighting horrible cravings all the time; fear of having to be mentally present 24/7 with my sometimes difficult emotions; fear of never being able to go out again. It’s the fear of the idea of giving up something valuable, but all these beliefs can be dispelled.
Some of the stories on here of people who’ve achieved long term sobriety are so inspiring. They make me think that this is a leap of faith; that I won’t be able to see or appreciate the benefits of sobriety at first but if I can hold on then they will appear.
I hope you’ll hang around, even if just to read the accounts and advice of people who are the same as us and people who have conquered it.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 97
Your hopes that your severe headaches aren't related to your addiction are misplaced. Of course they are related. You are dumping poison into your body and you are starting to sustain neurological damage. Hopefully it is reversible. Get into a doc right away. They don't care what you smell like. Your post is confusing and I am quite worried about you. Keep us posted on this thread about how you are doing and maybe just telling us what is going on will make it more real for you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
I started to notice my drinking around your age, but kept,even increased, my drinking for several more years and then I started to get the consequences happening more frequently. Consequences solely brought on by my drinking and decisions I made while drinking. Finally got sick of 'living' like that and stepped off the 'ride'.
Step away from it and live your life..go buy some clothes..travel..live. 'Living' in active addiction is like 'living' in a damn jail cell.
Step away from it and live your life..go buy some clothes..travel..live. 'Living' in active addiction is like 'living' in a damn jail cell.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 43
Thanks all.
My reason to keep drinking anymore is so that I can sleep. But, even that's not really working anymore, as it's after 3am where I am already.
I'm kind of in a bit of despair. I was at the doctor this morning, and I brought up the drinking. She just wasn't impressed and said to go to a hospital. I'd love to try quitting again but remember last time how I couldn't sleep for three days, and got really scared that I'd get the DTs badly on the third day from what I read about it all. I don't want to go to hospital in case I get kept in. And then they may diagnose God only knows what.
Feeling particularly low. I know I have to beat this, or face worse times ahead. But, it's not so easy.
My reason to keep drinking anymore is so that I can sleep. But, even that's not really working anymore, as it's after 3am where I am already.
I'm kind of in a bit of despair. I was at the doctor this morning, and I brought up the drinking. She just wasn't impressed and said to go to a hospital. I'd love to try quitting again but remember last time how I couldn't sleep for three days, and got really scared that I'd get the DTs badly on the third day from what I read about it all. I don't want to go to hospital in case I get kept in. And then they may diagnose God only knows what.
Feeling particularly low. I know I have to beat this, or face worse times ahead. But, it's not so easy.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: New England
Posts: 1,224
No, it isn't easy. But what's your alternative?
You don't have to feel like this. I was in a spot not long ago where I just couldn't seem to get out of the daily drinking cycle. I knew I was slowly killing myself.
Then I finally chose life. Wasn't easy to stop, but I did. It's so much better on this side. My fear of dying was greater than my fear of withdrawals.
What do you say? Are you ready?
You don't have to feel like this. I was in a spot not long ago where I just couldn't seem to get out of the daily drinking cycle. I knew I was slowly killing myself.
Then I finally chose life. Wasn't easy to stop, but I did. It's so much better on this side. My fear of dying was greater than my fear of withdrawals.
What do you say? Are you ready?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 43
I'm.not ready at all. It would be better if I had a choice. But I'm going to have to try.
I know anyone here would have gone through the same struggle, but it's pretty crap. If it was just myself, I'd happily give up. Just that my mum would be heartbroken if I gave up. And she suffered enough with my alcoholic dad. Hmmm, tonight I seem to be having some anger! :p
I know anyone here would have gone through the same struggle, but it's pretty crap. If it was just myself, I'd happily give up. Just that my mum would be heartbroken if I gave up. And she suffered enough with my alcoholic dad. Hmmm, tonight I seem to be having some anger! :p
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 43
Sorry - I meant that I would give up trying to quit, and just give up in life in general.
The no choice thing is that I don't particularly want to stop drinking. I'm not seeing a bright future at the best of times, but, if I don't stop drinking, I'll probably end up quite ill fairly soon, and I'd want to stay healthy for my mum.
The no choice thing is that I don't particularly want to stop drinking. I'm not seeing a bright future at the best of times, but, if I don't stop drinking, I'll probably end up quite ill fairly soon, and I'd want to stay healthy for my mum.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 268
I can relate. Alcohol is always my number one priority. I have to go see my doctor, run countless errands, and I desperately need new clothes. I could easily buy a whole new wardrobe with the money I spend on booze in a month, but I would rather drink. I am single, socially isolated, so I don't really need new clothes since no one I know sees me more than once or twice per year.
I have purposely isolated myself as I battle my addiction and I just lie to family/friends about my situation. I lie so much when drinking that I can't keep track of what I said to who. Life of an alcoholic...
I have purposely isolated myself as I battle my addiction and I just lie to family/friends about my situation. I lie so much when drinking that I can't keep track of what I said to who. Life of an alcoholic...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: New England
Posts: 1,224
Being in the throes of addiction can make the outlook pretty grim. But your future can be whatever you choose it to be. Get the drink out of your way. IT is the obstacle. It's a vision blurring, dream crushing, health destroying poison.
You want to drink to hide from your misery I'm guessing. But the alcohol is your misery. Read around here, it's done in to all of us. The ones that finally get free open a world to themselves that they only dreamed of.
What I'm reading here from you is not you. No way. I know you want more from yourself. That's why you are here, right?
You want to drink to hide from your misery I'm guessing. But the alcohol is your misery. Read around here, it's done in to all of us. The ones that finally get free open a world to themselves that they only dreamed of.
What I'm reading here from you is not you. No way. I know you want more from yourself. That's why you are here, right?
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