Mummyto2

Anna

I can only give you my experience, Mummy. I couldn't have accepted such an invite in the early days. I wasn't strong enough.

I know some people find that giving an excuse as to why they aren't drinking makes it easier for them. I lied the first time I socialized in sobriety and for me, it immediately felt wrong. Lying and drinking had been so horribly entwined in my life. I made the decision to not offer an explanation as to why I wasn't drinking because it was nobody's business but mine.

Mummyto2

trailmix

hi mummyto - You shouldn't have to offer an excuse, but sometimes it's more comfortable - but you know it's not even a lie to state that it's a headache. Yes, I know, lying is about intent as well. I hope you have a really nice evening.

head·ache
/ˈhedˌāk/
noun
a continuous pain in the head.
synonyms: sore head, migraine; More
INFORMAL
a thing or person that causes worry or trouble; a problem.
"an administrative headache"

Mummyto2

August252015

I didn't go to anything social at first- but I'm of the "no thanks," as well as the white-lie-is-ok part if that's what it takes. I went about deliberately cultivating relationships where it was more than ok to be sober, and since I did that slowly and carefully- I didn't need to lie.

Excusing myself early doesn't even have to be about sobriety, just being ready to leave

Let us know you get home safely.

Mummyto2

D122y

Mum,

That is a good one! I suffer from migraines.

I tell people I am trying to take it to the next level fitness wise.

While this is true it almost always provokes a question session.

Turns out that I suffer from migraines ends the discussion.

Drop the mic.

I would rather offer a little lie than get into the whole dopamine saviour monologue. Saving the world gets exhausting.

Folks need to figure this out on their own anyway.

Thanks.

lessgravity

Based on your history I think you'd be better off staying far away from anyone drinking or any social drinking occasions. No reason whatsoever for you to spend time around people who are gathering in order to drink.

Mummyto2

August252015

I am sorry, I didn't catch that it wasn't a now invite.

I just have to observe that you are spending a lot of time worrying about them and what you "know" they will think etc. It is normal and I definitely had to get used to the idea that a) it's not about me, what others think b)it IS about me to choose the right (safe) decision for my sobriety and c) I really don't EVER know what someone is thinking and projecting that certainty is usually bad for me.

I hope you don't go- and I'd say that the couple of weeks gives you the perfect opportunity to revise your plan. It can also be tough to believe at the start, but I promise that there will be other friends in your future. You will gain confidence in your ability to find ones that are good for you - maybe these people, in fact! But - gently saying, probably not now.

Take care of YOU. (and the kids, of course)

Mummyto2

Broncosys

My experience has been nobody notices or even gives a sh!t what I drink or don't drink. Us addicts are so self-centered we think the world is going to stop if others notice we aren't drinking alcohol. I have now been to many social functions and I get the non-alc drink of my choice and nobody ever notices. It just isn't that big of a deal to anyone except us. I was really worried for nothing.

Mummyto2