1dayiLLgetit

Ive read several posts, attended various meetings, and been in too many treatment programs to mention. It just seems the whole fake it til you make it MANTRA, is a lie I TELL ,myself to get a month, 2, 5 under me then off the wagon i fall. I mean you here do it for yourself. Have a support structure. Set yourself up for success. Those things only work for awhile for me. And as much as I would love to attend meetings more. In my one horse backwoods town, they're only available at night. And of course as a semi functioning mother, thats when kids are home and never when my urges come. Ive lost so much to this cycle. My sanity was the last to fall. Here I sit feeling frustrated. I want to work but money what a trigger. Idle hands cause crazy thoughts. I feel my rock bottom came months back and still I stumble. I mean when you feel unproductive as a citizen of the world, What does one do>? If you (I) have a record? Mcdonalds doesnt even respond to resume. So I sit in my house far away from walking distance to anything and dwell. Dwell on all the BAD CHOICES I've made over the yrs. The cycle continues. I want to get off the roller coaster but everytime it stops if even for months, Why do I keep getting back on?

Broncosys

I'm sorry 1Day. Most of us have felt the despair you are feeling. With the employment issues, I would get in touch with an employment/temp agency. Unless you are a violent felon, you can get work. Hang in there and just get through today sober. Feeling you have very little while clear headed and fit is infinitely better than feeling you have very little while poisoned and sick. Please take care of yourself.

Anna

I'm sorry you are struggling so much right now.

I know it's hard to get the negative stuff out of your head, but dwelling on the bad stuff is a vicious cycle. The more you feel badly about yourself and your situation, the worse things will get. One thing that might help is to make a Gratitude Journal. Force yourself to think of 3 good things each day.

Having a criminal record can certainly impact job hunting. But, don't give up. You might have more luck if you tell everyone you know or meet that you are looking for work.

mcconnth2017

I was reading a book on recovery recently. The author wrote that we would never speak to other people the way we speak to ourselves with the AV. I am guilty of doing that all the time. I now catch myself when I get negative thoughts and think of my positives. Easier said than done, but it is way to change my thinking at that moment. I think of my kids a lot to get me out of a funk.

Dandelion12

Hi,

"Fake it till you make it" doesnt work for me either.

How about soul searching and being REAL

What would help you heal?

The negative part of your mind/AV/ Disease, whatever term youre comfortable with, wants you to feel like crap so you use.

just let yourself feel it. It will pass.

Maybe you can try to think of this as a journey back to your real self.

ChloeRose63

Healing takes time. Be kind to yourself and trust that you have the power to make great things happen. Plant a seed and nurture it until it starts to grow. Be patient. Good things will happen.

DreamCatcher17

Welcome.

I am not a fan of "fake it till you make it" I think that is a totally false way to live and for me, I am not faking anything. I am living a real life that is not fake, so I own my life and go from there.

I also don't like to sit in my stinking thinking. I had to find a way to meditate as I believe that comes in many forms. I found painting early on, watching a lot of youtube videos to get better at patining, find different more creative ways. I know people who knit. Finding a hobby was key for me, and I think a lot of people. Idle hands are a bad place for me to be.
I love to angry clean, lol. When I am upset or stressed I will clean, in no order what so ever, just start cleaning. I am 1 cleaning which I love a clean house and 2 I am moving my body 3. I am able to get that negative energy out of me as I walk around the house cursing at whatever I am mad at and then when I am done I feel so much better.
I also read a lot of books, mostly self-help. I wanted a better life so I needed a new way of thinking. This i found to be helpful. It hurt to read the books and bring up all my old stuff, but I no longer live in that mind so I think it was helpful.
I like to cry to also release frustration. I find it helps pass much quicker.

Therapy was super helpful as well.

I go to AA meetings just to be around other people like myself. When I first started going I had to pay a babysitter for that 1.5 hours, my life depended on it, no amount of money will scare me from what is right in my life. I can always make more.

I hope you find an outlet, someone to talk to (we are here), and for the day do not pick up that drink. YOU NEED YOU, your family needs YOU a sober you is the only way.

Blessings,
DC

MantaLady

I absolutely identify with this!! This is my quote of the week DC

Dee74

Hi and welcome 1dayiLLgetit

Its not easy to get and to stay, sober, but it's not impossible either.

I had to be prepared to be uncomfortable for a while but I had suppoprt, and things got better.

If you want your life to improve I think the first step is to stop drinking - we need to stop looking at alcohol as some kind of solution for whatever ails us.

It's not.

D

BeABetterMan

If you can get 5 months, you can do it! Never give up.

kinzoku

I had a year and a half that I was really proud of and I let it slip. Sometimes people have decades. Its perspective.

You are here, you are alive, you have a chance.

Failures can't be all that define us.