A small epiphany
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: NC
Posts: 452
A small epiphany
I've been a heavy drinker for years and years, quit who-knows-how-many times and always relapsed, etc. you know the story.
I've got 39 days sober right now and am having a much easier time, it feels like something finally clicked. Today I was doing dishes and thinking about a job opportunity I haven't heard back from and almost certainly have missed out on. I felt a little bummed out and then it was as if I stepped back from myself and said "You know, that's natural - it sounded like a great job, it's ok to be a little disappointed but I'll find something."
I was a little shocked - this is not how I was raised. I was brought up in a family where any failure was considered an automatic devaluation of personal worth. "You only made 99 on that test, what went wrong?" that sort of thing.
This may be the first time in my adult life I've acknowledged and forgiven my feelings without immediately invoking that parent voice of condemnation. I wasn't depressed or tempted to drink and blot out the experience, just acknowledged it and rolled on. I'm in my mid-50s but maybe I'm finally growing up.
I've got 39 days sober right now and am having a much easier time, it feels like something finally clicked. Today I was doing dishes and thinking about a job opportunity I haven't heard back from and almost certainly have missed out on. I felt a little bummed out and then it was as if I stepped back from myself and said "You know, that's natural - it sounded like a great job, it's ok to be a little disappointed but I'll find something."
I was a little shocked - this is not how I was raised. I was brought up in a family where any failure was considered an automatic devaluation of personal worth. "You only made 99 on that test, what went wrong?" that sort of thing.
This may be the first time in my adult life I've acknowledged and forgiven my feelings without immediately invoking that parent voice of condemnation. I wasn't depressed or tempted to drink and blot out the experience, just acknowledged it and rolled on. I'm in my mid-50s but maybe I'm finally growing up.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
That is great.
I know when I was drinking, for thirty years, I was frozen in maturing as a normal adult would. I was stuck in my twenties.
Now, ten sober years later, I've caught up with my age. Fifties here, too.
And I've found out I for the most part I like myself.
Thanks for your post.
I know when I was drinking, for thirty years, I was frozen in maturing as a normal adult would. I was stuck in my twenties.
Now, ten sober years later, I've caught up with my age. Fifties here, too.
And I've found out I for the most part I like myself.
Thanks for your post.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,808
I think that's huge. I also grew up thinking that any little failure was a devaluation of personal worth. I don't know exactly where it came from, when I look back I really don't think it was my parents doing that to me, but I'm not sure. I still struggle with negative internal dialog any time I make a mistake, even small ones, but I am learning to catch myself and turn that off. It's really just habit, and a very bad one.
I really believe that a huge factor in lasting sobriety is learning to deal with all of life's little failures in a way that is loving and forgiving toward ourselves. If we feel better about ourselves and our inevitable flaws, there are a whole lot fewer "reasons" to drink. At least that's true for me.
I really believe that a huge factor in lasting sobriety is learning to deal with all of life's little failures in a way that is loving and forgiving toward ourselves. If we feel better about ourselves and our inevitable flaws, there are a whole lot fewer "reasons" to drink. At least that's true for me.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 97
It is amazing isn't it Lascaux? I think one of the most profound things that happen sober is that ability to right-size everything that comes your way. Having a set-back of some sort or a challenge or a disappointment just become opportunities to reflect and learn and then move on. As you said, an epiphany.
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