Dignity
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Dignity
- the state or quality of being worthy of honor or respect
- a sense of pride in oneself; self-respect
On my way to work today, walking on a crowded city street, my coming day filled with obligations and responsibilities, I felt the sun on my face, my steps were sure and I had a feeling of what can only be called self-respect. I was sober as a bird and felt certain that I was going to do my best to take care of the things I needed to take care of.
Sometimes the remarkableness of sobriety is found in the most mundane things. A decent night of sleep, clarity over one's affairs, calmness and confidence. For someone who operated for so many years in the horrible web of drinking, with its attendant nausea, fear of being caught, fear of not being able to drink, fear of drinking again and the pervasive shame - the feeling of just getting to the job on time, in one piece, able to deal with the day as it comes, is a revelation.
What I also felt this morning was simple dignity. I felt like a man who could be relied on. Like a father who would be there when necessary, a husband who could be trusted, a business partner who doesn't disappear in the bottle...
I think back on the man I was as a drunk and I'm not ashamed. In fact, I feel some sympathy for the brutal suffering he caused himself for so long. But I also do feel disappointed, I do stand in a kind of judgment of the man I was. To live a drunk's life is to make excuses, it's to think you have some kind of perverted right to ruin your life, in small and big ways, and thereby also hurt and damage the lives around you. It was a selfish and undignified way to live. I'm so grateful that I have given myself the chance to make up for the time I wasted.
- a sense of pride in oneself; self-respect
On my way to work today, walking on a crowded city street, my coming day filled with obligations and responsibilities, I felt the sun on my face, my steps were sure and I had a feeling of what can only be called self-respect. I was sober as a bird and felt certain that I was going to do my best to take care of the things I needed to take care of.
Sometimes the remarkableness of sobriety is found in the most mundane things. A decent night of sleep, clarity over one's affairs, calmness and confidence. For someone who operated for so many years in the horrible web of drinking, with its attendant nausea, fear of being caught, fear of not being able to drink, fear of drinking again and the pervasive shame - the feeling of just getting to the job on time, in one piece, able to deal with the day as it comes, is a revelation.
What I also felt this morning was simple dignity. I felt like a man who could be relied on. Like a father who would be there when necessary, a husband who could be trusted, a business partner who doesn't disappear in the bottle...
I think back on the man I was as a drunk and I'm not ashamed. In fact, I feel some sympathy for the brutal suffering he caused himself for so long. But I also do feel disappointed, I do stand in a kind of judgment of the man I was. To live a drunk's life is to make excuses, it's to think you have some kind of perverted right to ruin your life, in small and big ways, and thereby also hurt and damage the lives around you. It was a selfish and undignified way to live. I'm so grateful that I have given myself the chance to make up for the time I wasted.
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Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 500
Great post, thanks.
"Sometimes the remarkableness of sobriety is found in the most mundane things."
I love that, and completely agree. When I was a drunk, and even really early on in my sobriety, I was so stressed over little things. Do I have enough money left in savings? Do people actually like me? Is my job going no where? What is the point of life?
Now, I don't worry about those things. I'm alive. I have a job. I have people that care. My bills are paid.
What else do I need?
The other day...Sunday afternoon. I was sitting at the local tea shop, just enjoying the nice weather, and sipping on some tea. I felt completely at peace. I felt relaxed, healthy, and without a care in the world. I then got a few texts from friends, just randomly asking if I wanted to come meet up. I agreed, got in my car...and drove to see them. I even enjoyed the drive. It was like I was in a state of pure joy, for no reason at all really. Coming from someone who abused alcohol to mask depression....this just amazes me.
"Sometimes the remarkableness of sobriety is found in the most mundane things."
I love that, and completely agree. When I was a drunk, and even really early on in my sobriety, I was so stressed over little things. Do I have enough money left in savings? Do people actually like me? Is my job going no where? What is the point of life?
Now, I don't worry about those things. I'm alive. I have a job. I have people that care. My bills are paid.
What else do I need?
The other day...Sunday afternoon. I was sitting at the local tea shop, just enjoying the nice weather, and sipping on some tea. I felt completely at peace. I felt relaxed, healthy, and without a care in the world. I then got a few texts from friends, just randomly asking if I wanted to come meet up. I agreed, got in my car...and drove to see them. I even enjoyed the drive. It was like I was in a state of pure joy, for no reason at all really. Coming from someone who abused alcohol to mask depression....this just amazes me.
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,184
Good observation LG, I think us boozers/users appreciate a bit of dignity or self respect perhaps more than people who never lost theirs. It is satisfying to know that if there was some unexpected emergency then I could respond to it rather than just be a helpless drunk at the other end of the line.
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