While Drinking
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 132
While Drinking
Good morning all, I hope you're well!
I just have to share something that makes me sick to think about, but I can't really seem to get it off my mind lately.
When I stop drinking, I begin to see how sick I truly am with it. I always try to bargain with myself, "I won't stay up late this time," "I won't be calling anyone late in the day after everyone is back home and getting ready for tomorrow," "It'll be different this time..." etc. I'm ALWAYS the last one standing. Always looking for more. Making really bad decisions.
I went half of March without taking a drink and then fell right back in. I' so very sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. I'm literally sick to my stomach right now with thoughts of some of the decisions I've made. Last night, I got some really decent sleep, and didn't drink a drop. I'm going to try for it again today.
I hope you all have a good week. Thanks for being around.
I just have to share something that makes me sick to think about, but I can't really seem to get it off my mind lately.
When I stop drinking, I begin to see how sick I truly am with it. I always try to bargain with myself, "I won't stay up late this time," "I won't be calling anyone late in the day after everyone is back home and getting ready for tomorrow," "It'll be different this time..." etc. I'm ALWAYS the last one standing. Always looking for more. Making really bad decisions.
I went half of March without taking a drink and then fell right back in. I' so very sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. I'm literally sick to my stomach right now with thoughts of some of the decisions I've made. Last night, I got some really decent sleep, and didn't drink a drop. I'm going to try for it again today.
I hope you all have a good week. Thanks for being around.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by WindPines 
I'm literally sick to my stomach right now with thoughts of some of the decisions I've made.
Recovery and sustained sobriety will reset the brain to normal.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
It seems logical that you would get a clearer picture of yourself when you are sober. Combine that with the fact that when you are not drinking, you're probably craving while realizing you do self destructive things when you are drinking. This makes you realize just how sick you really are.
Part of our disease, or whatever you want to call it, is that during moments of clarity you feel shame and guilt over your drinking behavior. Well, I did. When you are sober you can take more control over your behavior. You will still make mistakes, but they won't be as dumb or self effacing.
Picture another person drunk and acting like you. You're probably going to feel some negative emotion toward him like pity, disgust, or worst of all, you might think he deserves to be treated like a laughing stock, and then through empathy, you realize that's you too. Yikes!
There's only one solution that I have found. Don't drink. Ever! I will only end up doing stupid things that I regret.
Part of our disease, or whatever you want to call it, is that during moments of clarity you feel shame and guilt over your drinking behavior. Well, I did. When you are sober you can take more control over your behavior. You will still make mistakes, but they won't be as dumb or self effacing.
Picture another person drunk and acting like you. You're probably going to feel some negative emotion toward him like pity, disgust, or worst of all, you might think he deserves to be treated like a laughing stock, and then through empathy, you realize that's you too. Yikes!
There's only one solution that I have found. Don't drink. Ever! I will only end up doing stupid things that I regret.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
I did the same, always promising myself, this time would be different. Of course, things always got worse.
This disease is relentless and it will promise us anything. Knowing that it's all a lie is so important in lasting recovery.
You can do this.
This disease is relentless and it will promise us anything. Knowing that it's all a lie is so important in lasting recovery.
You can do this.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 11
Omg I can totally relate! I was ALWAYS that person at the bar till close, up all night getting blasted at home looking up ppl in fb or whatever and calling texting ppl I haven't seen in years! Old bf, friends whatever it was me .I have also done bad stuff being drunk for years including a criminal record that ruined my life in my early 20s..I have chosen to try and live a diff life believe me u are not alone ...have to try and forgive urself.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 21
Originally Posted by WindPines
I' so very sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
WindPines - I tortured myself with those thoughts in the early days of recovery. It almost led me back to drinking. Please be kind & patient with yourself as you get free of alcohol & begin to heal. None of us set out to sabotage ourselves with foolish & dangerous behavior. We were very sick. The old you will no longer call the shots.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 132
Thanks all for your support and encouragement. That means a lot.
Dee, I don't really know what to do to stay sober for good. I've tried AA, but never REALLY REALLY put a lot into it. I've never done the steps, I have a really hard time speaking out or reaching out. Maybe I just need to do it, regardless of how sick it makes me feel (anxiety.) Can't be any worse than the sickness I feel while drinking.
I didn't drink Monday, Tuesday, or yet today. And I don't want to! Being sober feels so so so good.
I'm going to create a thread that I think will help throughout the day, and hopefully not just help me, but others too!
Thanks again y'all. You being here means a lot.
Dee, I don't really know what to do to stay sober for good. I've tried AA, but never REALLY REALLY put a lot into it. I've never done the steps, I have a really hard time speaking out or reaching out. Maybe I just need to do it, regardless of how sick it makes me feel (anxiety.) Can't be any worse than the sickness I feel while drinking.
I didn't drink Monday, Tuesday, or yet today. And I don't want to! Being sober feels so so so good.
I'm going to create a thread that I think will help throughout the day, and hopefully not just help me, but others too!
Thanks again y'all. You being here means a lot.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
You hit it on the head - you just need to do it!! And it's a great start to go to an AA meeting. Nothing says you have to make it your permanent program. Spending an hour a day in a place where people are there because they are sober, thinking about it, know they need to, getting a start....great to-do.
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