New here - and think I have an issue with alcohol
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 21
New here - and think I have an issue with alcohol
Hi everyone.
Like the title says, I think I may have an issue with alcohol but I'm struggling to do something about it. I'm in my 40s, successful professional, and married with two kids. Over the past 10 years or so I've found my drinking has shifted from what I'd call normal social drinking to a lot more drinking to excess -- basically drinking for the buzz and chasing it. I can keep it together and I haven't had any major consequence from my drinking, but I find myself doing things that make up those online tests for whether you have an alcohol problem.
I set limits and then can't stick to them. I've lost productivity and had terrible days at work because I've been hung over. At a dinner I try and drink the first beer quickly so I can make sure I get another one. I've hidden alcohol in the house like a bottle of Jack in the garage so I can sneak out to take a couple shots to supplement the couple beers I'm drinking. I've bought beer based on alcohol content so I can get the most buzz out of the two or three that I tell myself I'll drink that night.
Over the past few years I've been on an up and down trajectory with this. I recognize its not healthy, usually after waking up feeling terrible, and quit for a period of time or cut way back. Then I figure I have it figured out so I start social drinking again and then I'm right back to where I started after a while.
The odd thing is that when I'm not drinking, I feel fantastic. I sleep better and don't wake up with alcohol sweats, I wake up clear headed, I exercise more and eat better, I'm more productive, I read more, etc. It is so painfully obvious that not drinking is the better path for me, but regardless I trip up and slip down into the hole again. Usually its some event that I don't want to "not drink" at. Vacation, happy hour at work, fourth of july BBQ, a sporting event, drinks after a round of golf with the guys, etc. Or it is in response to stress. I was anxious for the work week yesterday so went and bought some beer and drank alone last night -- and feel like crap again today.
Anyway -- I'm not sure where I'm going with this but I'm hoping to maybe find some enlightenment here from people similarly situated. Thanks for reading.
Like the title says, I think I may have an issue with alcohol but I'm struggling to do something about it. I'm in my 40s, successful professional, and married with two kids. Over the past 10 years or so I've found my drinking has shifted from what I'd call normal social drinking to a lot more drinking to excess -- basically drinking for the buzz and chasing it. I can keep it together and I haven't had any major consequence from my drinking, but I find myself doing things that make up those online tests for whether you have an alcohol problem.
I set limits and then can't stick to them. I've lost productivity and had terrible days at work because I've been hung over. At a dinner I try and drink the first beer quickly so I can make sure I get another one. I've hidden alcohol in the house like a bottle of Jack in the garage so I can sneak out to take a couple shots to supplement the couple beers I'm drinking. I've bought beer based on alcohol content so I can get the most buzz out of the two or three that I tell myself I'll drink that night.
Over the past few years I've been on an up and down trajectory with this. I recognize its not healthy, usually after waking up feeling terrible, and quit for a period of time or cut way back. Then I figure I have it figured out so I start social drinking again and then I'm right back to where I started after a while.
The odd thing is that when I'm not drinking, I feel fantastic. I sleep better and don't wake up with alcohol sweats, I wake up clear headed, I exercise more and eat better, I'm more productive, I read more, etc. It is so painfully obvious that not drinking is the better path for me, but regardless I trip up and slip down into the hole again. Usually its some event that I don't want to "not drink" at. Vacation, happy hour at work, fourth of july BBQ, a sporting event, drinks after a round of golf with the guys, etc. Or it is in response to stress. I was anxious for the work week yesterday so went and bought some beer and drank alone last night -- and feel like crap again today.
Anyway -- I'm not sure where I'm going with this but I'm hoping to maybe find some enlightenment here from people similarly situated. Thanks for reading.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Nashville, Tennessee
Posts: 348
Hello, ForeRight.
I have 21 years of continuous sobriety. In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous in the chapter, We Agnostics, the first paragraph really helped me decide. It says, "If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic." That did it for me.
I have 21 years of continuous sobriety. In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous in the chapter, We Agnostics, the first paragraph really helped me decide. It says, "If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic." That did it for me.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
welcome, ForeRight,
yes, for me, also, the inability to stick to the decisions i made re how much or when i'd drink....that was the clincher.
couldn't do the limits.
and also had no "outside" major consequences and that made it so much easier to keep fooling myself about the seriousness of my problem, and to keep drinking.
it's great you're here, connecting and wanting some input.
yes, for me, also, the inability to stick to the decisions i made re how much or when i'd drink....that was the clincher.
couldn't do the limits.
and also had no "outside" major consequences and that made it so much easier to keep fooling myself about the seriousness of my problem, and to keep drinking.
it's great you're here, connecting and wanting some input.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
I could copy and paste this as part of the story of my alcohol abuse. You've come to the right place.
I'm 41, professional, family all that and drank similar to you. The sneaking around, choosing beer based on %, all that As you probably know it's almost certain that things will get worse. The nights and weekends become weekdays and daytime. I can't tell you what to do without alcohol in your life, but I can say that, at almost a year sober, my life has improved in each and every imaginable way. I'm thankful for sobriety on a level that is hard at times for me to even put into words. To do it for yourself, to do it for your family, is an incredible gift that you can give. Welcome. What's your plan?
I'm 41, professional, family all that and drank similar to you. The sneaking around, choosing beer based on %, all that As you probably know it's almost certain that things will get worse. The nights and weekends become weekdays and daytime. I can't tell you what to do without alcohol in your life, but I can say that, at almost a year sober, my life has improved in each and every imaginable way. I'm thankful for sobriety on a level that is hard at times for me to even put into words. To do it for yourself, to do it for your family, is an incredible gift that you can give. Welcome. What's your plan?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 21
Originally Posted by lessgravity 
I could copy and paste this as part of the story of my alcohol abuse. You've come to the right place.
I'm 41, professional, family all that and drank similar to you. The sneaking around, choosing beer based on %, all that As you probably know it's almost certain that things will get worse. The nights and weekends become weekdays and daytime. I can't tell you what to do without alcohol in your life, but I can say that, at almost a year sober, my life has improved in each and every imaginable way. I'm thankful for sobriety on a level that is hard at times for me to even put into words. To do it for yourself, to do it for your family, is an incredible gift that you can give. Welcome. What's your plan?
I'm 41, professional, family all that and drank similar to you. The sneaking around, choosing beer based on %, all that As you probably know it's almost certain that things will get worse. The nights and weekends become weekdays and daytime. I can't tell you what to do without alcohol in your life, but I can say that, at almost a year sober, my life has improved in each and every imaginable way. I'm thankful for sobriety on a level that is hard at times for me to even put into words. To do it for yourself, to do it for your family, is an incredible gift that you can give. Welcome. What's your plan?
Honestly - I don't know what my plan is. I know what I've done in the past hasn't stuck. I need some accountability.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 16
Welcome ForeRight. Your story is much like mine. Forties, family, successful professional services career. The guy with the life everyone wants. The life of the party.
Eventually the hangovers and adverse effects of binge drinking forced me to reevaluate.
You’ve said, “when I'm not drinking, I feel fantastic. I sleep better and don't wake up with alcohol sweats, I wake up clear headed, I exercise more and eat better, I'm more productive, I read more, etc. It is so painfully obvious that not drinking is the better path for me”. I couldn’t agree more and this closely mirrors my experience.
All I’d say is that you’ve come to the right place. I started by telling colleagues and clients I wasn’t drinking for the month. Everyone accepted that. Then it became two, and three, then the year. That was ten months ago (after years of trying and failing again) and the urge to partake at work and social functions is dramatically reduced.
Good luck with your journey. Your self-recognition of the problem is spot on and you can enjoy a better life without booze in it. Stay strong and never forget how bad the hangovers are!
Eventually the hangovers and adverse effects of binge drinking forced me to reevaluate.
You’ve said, “when I'm not drinking, I feel fantastic. I sleep better and don't wake up with alcohol sweats, I wake up clear headed, I exercise more and eat better, I'm more productive, I read more, etc. It is so painfully obvious that not drinking is the better path for me”. I couldn’t agree more and this closely mirrors my experience.
All I’d say is that you’ve come to the right place. I started by telling colleagues and clients I wasn’t drinking for the month. Everyone accepted that. Then it became two, and three, then the year. That was ten months ago (after years of trying and failing again) and the urge to partake at work and social functions is dramatically reduced.
Good luck with your journey. Your self-recognition of the problem is spot on and you can enjoy a better life without booze in it. Stay strong and never forget how bad the hangovers are!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: The Midwest
Posts: 649
Sounds familiar here. My drinking was far worse in my mid-20s -- but *most* of it looked a like like what you're describing.
I've come to realize that people with "normal" relationships with alcohol don't need to cut back, and certainly don't seek out support on sobriety forums.
If something is a cancer in your life preventing you from being you very best self for the people you love, it's time to cut it out.
You're definitely in the right place.
I've come to realize that people with "normal" relationships with alcohol don't need to cut back, and certainly don't seek out support on sobriety forums.
If something is a cancer in your life preventing you from being you very best self for the people you love, it's time to cut it out.
You're definitely in the right place.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Nashville, Tennessee
Posts: 348
I tried a lot of different methods. AA way works for me. Maybe find a meeting or two and see what you think. I'm with you on the accountability. I had a sponsor who held me accountable. The great thing for me about the meetings is I finally found people just like me; they drank like I drank, but they had found a design for living that really worked. What kept me going back was the honesty when someone shared, the laughter, and how they were learning to live one day at a time without finding it necessary to pick up the first drink.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
The thing that got me in the end ( of my drinking 'career') was why I never really questioned the idea of why me as a nondrinker , a common teetotaler, was an idea I was uncomfortable enough to not really drill down.
The negative consequences were easily rationalized, or not so easily but dang if I couldn't get'er done, but why what was it that kept me going back for the buzz.
I drilled down on those ideas by learning about RR/AVRT , there are some great threads on those ideas here on SR in the Secular recovery forum and subforums.
I'm an unquestionably happier , healthier teetotaler today, welcome aboard , hope to see you around.
The negative consequences were easily rationalized, or not so easily but dang if I couldn't get'er done, but why what was it that kept me going back for the buzz.
I drilled down on those ideas by learning about RR/AVRT , there are some great threads on those ideas here on SR in the Secular recovery forum and subforums.
I'm an unquestionably happier , healthier teetotaler today, welcome aboard , hope to see you around.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 405
Originally Posted by ForeRight
Yes - that is what has happened to me in these cycles. A couple beers after golf just on the weekend, turns to happy hours after work during the week, turns to beers at lunch, then I'm numbing myself every evening and becoming reclusive from my family.
Honestly - I don't know what my plan is. I know what I've done in the past hasn't stuck. I need some accountability.
Honestly - I don't know what my plan is. I know what I've done in the past hasn't stuck. I need some accountability.
My recovery plan started with me admitting to myself that I was powerless over alcohol and that it would have no place in my life going forward. No wedding toasts. No New Year champagne. No drinks on vacation. No more.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: sydney nsw
Posts: 785
When the social “fun” drinking becomes obsessing about it like I did = a major issue. Its a downward progressive condition. I tried twice before to quit, set myself a 30 day challenge etc. then drank like no tomorrow felt terrible the next day so had to drink to stop the shakes and hangover. I started missing days in the office more and more. My blood pressure was sky high put on weight despite using cocaine to “wake” me up and to function. It was total madness. Alcohol became a total obsession. If I ran out waiting for the store to open I would pace around like a caged animal. I did hit rock bottom that took me to rehab almost 5 months ago. It saved me as I learnt so much about addicition and connected me with others in the same boat. Now I prefer the life sobriety has given me. At first I did not know how I would cope without alcohol but that was my addicted mind conditioned. Sure life is different sober. Its called living a substance free life. The joy of recovery and sobriety is priceless.I put sobriety and recovery before anything else and work on it daily. Try it 👍
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 1,068
Originally Posted by ForeRight
Hi everyone.
Like the title says, I think I may have an issue with alcohol(understatement - at least in my case) but I'm struggling to do something about it. (same) I'm in my 40s, successful professional, and married with two kids. (same except older in my 50s) Over the past 10 years or so I've found my drinking has shifted from what I'd call normal social drinking to a lot more drinking to excess -- basically drinking for the buzz and chasing it. (same) I can keep it together and I haven't had any major consequence from my drinking, but I find myself doing things that make up those online tests for whether you have an alcohol problem.
I set limits and then can't stick to them. (same) I've lost productivity and had terrible days at work because I've been hung over. (same) At a dinner I try and drink the first beer quickly so I can make sure I get another one. (same) I've hidden alcohol in the house like a bottle of Jack in the garage so I can sneak out to take a couple shots to supplement the couple beers I'm drinking. (same except it was Tequila) I've bought beer based on alcohol content so I can get the most buzz out of the two or three that I tell myself I'll drink that night. (same - comment - told everyone I was a craft beer enthusiast to cover up the high alcohol content of the beers I purchased)
Over the past few years I've been on an up and down trajectory with this. I recognize its not healthy, usually after waking up feeling terrible, and quit for a period of time or cut way back. Then I figure I have it figured out so I start social drinking again and then I'm right back to where I started after a while. (same)
The odd thing is that when I'm not drinking, I feel fantastic. I sleep better and don't wake up with alcohol sweats, I wake up clear headed, I exercise more and eat better, I'm more productive, I read more, etc. It is so painfully obvious that not drinking is the better path for me, but regardless I trip up and slip down into the hole again. (same - comment WTF is my problem? Feel better w/o the alcohol but still come back to it.) Usually its some event that I don't want to "not drink" at. Vacation, happy hour at work, fourth of July BBQ, a sporting event, drinks after a round of golf with the guys, etc. Or it is in response to stress. (Mostly stress for me) I was anxious for the work week yesterday so went and bought some beer and drank alone last night -- and feel like crap again today. (same - what social drinkers we are - drinking alone...)
Like the title says, I think I may have an issue with alcohol(understatement - at least in my case) but I'm struggling to do something about it. (same) I'm in my 40s, successful professional, and married with two kids. (same except older in my 50s) Over the past 10 years or so I've found my drinking has shifted from what I'd call normal social drinking to a lot more drinking to excess -- basically drinking for the buzz and chasing it. (same) I can keep it together and I haven't had any major consequence from my drinking, but I find myself doing things that make up those online tests for whether you have an alcohol problem.
I set limits and then can't stick to them. (same) I've lost productivity and had terrible days at work because I've been hung over. (same) At a dinner I try and drink the first beer quickly so I can make sure I get another one. (same) I've hidden alcohol in the house like a bottle of Jack in the garage so I can sneak out to take a couple shots to supplement the couple beers I'm drinking. (same except it was Tequila) I've bought beer based on alcohol content so I can get the most buzz out of the two or three that I tell myself I'll drink that night. (same - comment - told everyone I was a craft beer enthusiast to cover up the high alcohol content of the beers I purchased)
Over the past few years I've been on an up and down trajectory with this. I recognize its not healthy, usually after waking up feeling terrible, and quit for a period of time or cut way back. Then I figure I have it figured out so I start social drinking again and then I'm right back to where I started after a while. (same)
The odd thing is that when I'm not drinking, I feel fantastic. I sleep better and don't wake up with alcohol sweats, I wake up clear headed, I exercise more and eat better, I'm more productive, I read more, etc. It is so painfully obvious that not drinking is the better path for me, but regardless I trip up and slip down into the hole again. (same - comment WTF is my problem? Feel better w/o the alcohol but still come back to it.) Usually its some event that I don't want to "not drink" at. Vacation, happy hour at work, fourth of July BBQ, a sporting event, drinks after a round of golf with the guys, etc. Or it is in response to stress. (Mostly stress for me) I was anxious for the work week yesterday so went and bought some beer and drank alone last night -- and feel like crap again today. (same - what social drinkers we are - drinking alone...)
Member
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: NY
Posts: 327
I hate to use the word normal because I don’t think anyone is “normal “ . But do normal people put that much thought into drinking as far as when where why and how much. I was there , skiing, golf , sitting in my backyard any excuse to drink. Any activity I did was just too drink. Just realizing that in the last month. Golf is fabulous with no beer in the cart.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 62
I can relate to so much of you’ve put. It is ultimately upto you about whether or not you think you may have a problem. For me it was when I finally realised the damage it was doing to my life, then when I first went sober (I relapsed twice), I realised even more how abnormal my behaviour was. I went to a dinner party the other day, and someone left half a glass of wine, and no one commented. I laughed inside because when I was drinking I never ever would’ve done that, I wouldn’t have left a single drop anywhere. Anyway, if you want advice, guidance, support, sharing, or if you just want to rant this is a good place and a great community. Also I recommend ‘The Sober Diaries’ audiobook by Clare Pooley. Funny but enlightening. She’s in her 40s with kids and she explains her journey with it. Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by ForeRight
I can keep it together and I haven't had any major consequence from my drinking,
.
.
I set limits and then can't stick to them. I've lost productivity and had terrible days at work because I've been hung over. At a dinner I try and drink the first beer quickly so I can make sure I get another one. I've hidden alcohol in the house like a bottle of Jack in the garage so I can sneak out to take a couple shots to supplement the couple beers I'm drinking. I've bought beer based on alcohol content so I can get the most buzz out of the two or three that I tell myself I'll drink that night.
...... after waking up feeling terrible, and quit for a period of time or cut way back. Then I figure I have it figured out so I start social drinking again and then I'm right back to where I started after a while.
reads like a crapton of consequences.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
It's so good to have you with us, ForeRight. This is a great place to talk things over & be encouraged. 
I'm glad you decided to take a hard look at what alcohol is doing to your life.
I'm glad you decided to take a hard look at what alcohol is doing to your life.
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