Hello and an update
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,414
I know people get a little twitchy when posts like the OPs are left up but this place - and this thread - is full of posts that show moderation is a bad idea for most of us.
Lets not overestimate peoples addiction, or underestimate our own power to do the right thing for our recovery,
D
Lets not overestimate peoples addiction, or underestimate our own power to do the right thing for our recovery,
D
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,414
Originally Posted by Primativo 
This is an interesting read. Full disclosure, I had a drink on Monday, just two weeks after my weekend binge on a stag do where I ended up in a right mess.
I drank because I had a third date and didn't want to be seen as being boring, (yes I know, I should have just told her, I'd already met her twice and not drank at all and it was fine).
Anyway. My observations of what life would be like for me if I moderated.
So I shared a bottle of red wine with her. As soon as I took a sip, I wanted to drink the glass quite quickly. I had to slow myself down. Once the buzz hit, I wanted to get really drunk, again I stopped myself as I was on a date and we were taking it easy. After two glasses, we ate, I then didn't really want to drink anymore. I went home having just half a bottle of wine, and had a cup of tea, watched a movie and went to bed. No hangover at all the next day. Just like a normal drinker yes?
I had no desire for more drink that night. But, I didn't enjoy it. I didn't enjoy having half a bottle of red wine, i mean it was alright, but I wasn't satisfied. I wanted the whole bottle, I wanted a proper buzz on. There's just no point in drinking half a bottle of wine,when I got home I felt a bit sick, I had acidic reflux type of thing, a bit of nausea, I felt tired and lethargic. The wine was sitting uncomfortably in my stomach. The whole thing was really quite pointless, and whilst I "moderated" on Monday, if I continue and repeat monday again, I will eventually have that whole bottle of wine, then open another one, then I'll be back to feeling horrible the next day and wanting a drink to feel better.
Anyway, I told my mate from AA what happened, and he seemed surprised I was able to just have half a bottle of wine and leave it at that, he said he wouldn't have been able to. I don't know if there are different levels of alcoholic, I'm just not one who has a sip and becomes an instant slave to the drink. what I do know.... that alcohol was having major negative consequences on my physical and mental health though.
SO I reset my sober app, day 5 again now. It's fine, I'm working through this in my own way. Nothing's changed, I don't want to drink, because unless I can drink to very drunk/blackout I'm not satisfied, and drinking to blackout is very bad news, so there's no point drinking. Having two glasses and leaving it at that is hard work, it's teasing. Moderating will fail, why will I suddenly changed the habit of a lifetime and control my drinking? I won't. I'm either abstinent, or I'm drinking till I'm drunk, or trying very hard to avoid being drunk.
I drank because I had a third date and didn't want to be seen as being boring, (yes I know, I should have just told her, I'd already met her twice and not drank at all and it was fine).
Anyway. My observations of what life would be like for me if I moderated.
So I shared a bottle of red wine with her. As soon as I took a sip, I wanted to drink the glass quite quickly. I had to slow myself down. Once the buzz hit, I wanted to get really drunk, again I stopped myself as I was on a date and we were taking it easy. After two glasses, we ate, I then didn't really want to drink anymore. I went home having just half a bottle of wine, and had a cup of tea, watched a movie and went to bed. No hangover at all the next day. Just like a normal drinker yes?
I had no desire for more drink that night. But, I didn't enjoy it. I didn't enjoy having half a bottle of red wine, i mean it was alright, but I wasn't satisfied. I wanted the whole bottle, I wanted a proper buzz on. There's just no point in drinking half a bottle of wine,when I got home I felt a bit sick, I had acidic reflux type of thing, a bit of nausea, I felt tired and lethargic. The wine was sitting uncomfortably in my stomach. The whole thing was really quite pointless, and whilst I "moderated" on Monday, if I continue and repeat monday again, I will eventually have that whole bottle of wine, then open another one, then I'll be back to feeling horrible the next day and wanting a drink to feel better.
Anyway, I told my mate from AA what happened, and he seemed surprised I was able to just have half a bottle of wine and leave it at that, he said he wouldn't have been able to. I don't know if there are different levels of alcoholic, I'm just not one who has a sip and becomes an instant slave to the drink. what I do know.... that alcohol was having major negative consequences on my physical and mental health though.
SO I reset my sober app, day 5 again now. It's fine, I'm working through this in my own way. Nothing's changed, I don't want to drink, because unless I can drink to very drunk/blackout I'm not satisfied, and drinking to blackout is very bad news, so there's no point drinking. Having two glasses and leaving it at that is hard work, it's teasing. Moderating will fail, why will I suddenly changed the habit of a lifetime and control my drinking? I won't. I'm either abstinent, or I'm drinking till I'm drunk, or trying very hard to avoid being drunk.
yeah datings a little tricky if you're worried about being seen as not as desirable or cool if you're not drinking.
have you thought about putting the dating on the backburner for a bit?
Once you accept the not drinking as an essential part of who you are people will have to like it or lump it - including dates
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: New York, New York
Posts: 600
Great stuff. I always read the moderation threads since they lead to great personal insights. For me, if I am trying to moderate, a glass of vodka is the first thought when I wake, when I get to work, when I get home, when I go to sleep. It’s exhausting. Eventually, I drink in the morning, at work, when I get home, pass out, wake up, repeat. Rotate liquor stores, shaky hands, red face, feel unwell. Currently 7+ months sober, exercising every day, sharp clear mind, lost 20 pounds, better relationships.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 524
Originally Posted by lessgravity
Both the OP and Primativo's posts are just down right scary to me. I guess because I can hear my old drinking self making the same excuses, explanations, trying to find a reason why drinking wine after a weekend like the one Primativo explained recently is just horrifying.
I suggest anyone reading this thread who is even considering "moderating" to go back and look at these two members posts, especially Primo's recent one. Go back and read the way the OP used to talk about booze. Think about just how strong this poison pulls us back. Oh man. I'm vigilant tonight and thankfulI I will never drink again.
I suggest anyone reading this thread who is even considering "moderating" to go back and look at these two members posts, especially Primo's recent one. Go back and read the way the OP used to talk about booze. Think about just how strong this poison pulls us back. Oh man. I'm vigilant tonight and thankfulI I will never drink again.
What was so scary about my post?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 524
Originally Posted by Dee74
congrats on day 5 Primo.
yeah datings a little tricky if you're worried about being seen as not as desirable or cool if you're not drinking.
have you thought about putting the dating on the backburner for a bit?
Once you accept the not drinking as an essential part of who you are people will have to like it or lump it - including dates
D
yeah datings a little tricky if you're worried about being seen as not as desirable or cool if you're not drinking.
have you thought about putting the dating on the backburner for a bit?
Once you accept the not drinking as an essential part of who you are people will have to like it or lump it - including dates
D
I do honestly realise that for me, moderation is pointless. It's either drink to get drunk and then deal with all the consequences, or it's just stay sober.
No more excuses, this is it now.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Originally Posted by Primativo
What was so scary about my post?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 524
Originally Posted by lessgravity
The sheer power of alcohol - a week ago you couldn't help but get so drunk that the police got involved. Then you're drinking on a date and writing about how you might not be a certain level of alcoholic. Scary stuff.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
Moderation is not for me. Of course it's not. I am an alcoholic and one drink is never enough.
I find a lot of projection happens when someone comes on here saying they are attempting to moderate. Many of us know too well how moderation would just lead us right back into full-on alcoholic abuse so we automatically put ourselves in their shoes and shudder at the very thought. IMO, we are talking to ourselves when we try and persuade someone that moderation will NOT work for them. (The OP, in the throes of their denial, is not even listening.)
I personally don't find it scary when someone comes on here attempting moderation. I have a pretty good idea how it'll turn out for them, but if they're not asking for help to talk them out of it, well then, good luck to them. It doesn't scare me because my sobriety is solid and I don't need to essentially shout at myself about how moderation doesn't work.
And the extent of the lies and bargaining, the gymnastics in logic and commonsense, that voice full of the bravado of the alcoholic still in denial... none of that surprises me at all. I've been there and when I stopped lying to myself about this moderation stuff, I was ready for a new life.
I find a lot of projection happens when someone comes on here saying they are attempting to moderate. Many of us know too well how moderation would just lead us right back into full-on alcoholic abuse so we automatically put ourselves in their shoes and shudder at the very thought. IMO, we are talking to ourselves when we try and persuade someone that moderation will NOT work for them. (The OP, in the throes of their denial, is not even listening.)
I personally don't find it scary when someone comes on here attempting moderation. I have a pretty good idea how it'll turn out for them, but if they're not asking for help to talk them out of it, well then, good luck to them. It doesn't scare me because my sobriety is solid and I don't need to essentially shout at myself about how moderation doesn't work.
And the extent of the lies and bargaining, the gymnastics in logic and commonsense, that voice full of the bravado of the alcoholic still in denial... none of that surprises me at all. I've been there and when I stopped lying to myself about this moderation stuff, I was ready for a new life.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
Originally Posted by Dee74
To be fair this is an old 2019 thread that has been bumped.
I've seen the OP around a lot here recently and I think its fair to say they are committed to abstinence now.
D
I've seen the OP around a lot here recently and I think its fair to say they are committed to abstinence now.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 1,951
NP! I still do not have anything against moderation. It is just too much hard work as someone put it. I am already in a mid career crisis and interviewing as much as I can. Last thing I want is alcohol coming in the way - counting drinks, controlling quantity, feeling bad when the target is exceeded, wasted time in planning. Worthless stuff.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Wow was a trip to read this old post and my responses.
Calmself- glad to hear you are doing well! Couldn't agree more about the freedom of just not trying to moderate.
I wanted to comment in response to MissP and my posts on this thread about being "scared" when reading about someone moderating. I think that in early sobriety, before the confidence and belief, reading about someone's decision to pick up again and try to moderate taps into that AV which hasn't yet been vanquished. The fear is pure projection, unless you know the person and are worried for them - the fear is that you know, on a gut level, viscerally, what it is to decide to drink again and where it leads. And that fear is magnified by the fact that you are still on wobbly legs in early sobriety and, for most of us, failure at sobriety has become a fact of your life. I remember that in my early days of sobriety (the posts on this thread were before I had 1 year) reading about SR members who decided to drink, or who disappeared, would deeply effect me. I would imagine them where I knew I would be - at a liquor store first thing in the morning, another day about to be foreclosed on by noon, and the sad horror of my drinking. Now, much like MissP, the thought of someone trying to moderate doesn't cause fear like it used to. Though I certainly feel for them, knowing almost certainly where it will be headed.
Calmself- glad to hear you are doing well! Couldn't agree more about the freedom of just not trying to moderate.
I wanted to comment in response to MissP and my posts on this thread about being "scared" when reading about someone moderating. I think that in early sobriety, before the confidence and belief, reading about someone's decision to pick up again and try to moderate taps into that AV which hasn't yet been vanquished. The fear is pure projection, unless you know the person and are worried for them - the fear is that you know, on a gut level, viscerally, what it is to decide to drink again and where it leads. And that fear is magnified by the fact that you are still on wobbly legs in early sobriety and, for most of us, failure at sobriety has become a fact of your life. I remember that in my early days of sobriety (the posts on this thread were before I had 1 year) reading about SR members who decided to drink, or who disappeared, would deeply effect me. I would imagine them where I knew I would be - at a liquor store first thing in the morning, another day about to be foreclosed on by noon, and the sad horror of my drinking. Now, much like MissP, the thought of someone trying to moderate doesn't cause fear like it used to. Though I certainly feel for them, knowing almost certainly where it will be headed.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2021
Posts: 81
Good luck to you. Thinking about moderation is still obsession with a substance that in and of itself is addictive, confirmed for me by my Primary Care Physician who says that alcohol is addictive for EVERYONE.
Personally, I choose to fill my body and mind with good things, not something that nearly killed me.
Alcohol is worth 0, Sobriety is worth 100.
Personally, I choose to fill my body and mind with good things, not something that nearly killed me.
Alcohol is worth 0, Sobriety is worth 100.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
