stupidJedi

Sorry if this get's a little long....

I reach a point in my use of pills (oxycodone) where I had to make a decision. I couldn't make my prescription last more than 2 weeks, meaning I had to pull more from my already dwindling savings to buy enough to last, what a few more days, then back to the savings account? This cycle had been going on for 7 years. So I said enough and checked myself into a 7 day detox.

I think it was the hardest thing I've done in my entire life. I'm 63 so I've been around. I think part of what I'm about to tell is due to the fact that I'd avoided any kind of drug or alcohol problems until I turned 56. Basically my brain was fully developed and resisted any new pathways created dopamines to the frontal cortex or or glutamates back to the center of the brain (Dr. Kevin McCauley - YouTube "Dopamine and Glutamate in Addiction").

I checked into a 7 day detox program because I had never been through withdrawals, didn't know what really to expect and felt a supervised detox was the best way to handle it. I had no idea what I was getting into and was scared as hell.

Day 1 - As a Suboxone clinic (which I didn't know) you are on your own for the first 12 hours from you last use, otherwise subs too soon sends you into withdrawals X 20. I popped a 10mg hydrocodone at around 2pm to help with the very long drive to the facility. I had to wait until 2am for my first dose of their Suboxone Protocol. By then my muscles were jerking, I couldn't sleep and the diarrhea was starting. I found my way to the nurses station at 2am for my subs. To my utter horror she looked at me and said I wasn't scoring high enough on withdrawal scale and couldn't start the subs. They gave me something strong to help me sleep, which I finally managed to do around 3:30am.

Day 2 - They take you vitals 3 times a day and hands out meds the same. By 9am medications I was fully grogged out by the sleeping meds as I rolled up to the nurses station ready for my suboxone protocol to begin. The nurse looked at me and said, "Nope, not yet...".
Damn! I was not a lightweight user, I was popping some serious mg's for a while, 300mg/day. I finally had to taper down to 120mg/day because of availability but still, I should be shaking, vomiting, curled up on the floor with muscle aches......nope....hmmmmmm.

Day 3 and 4 - Long story short, I never scored high enough on the withdrawal scale to start suboxone (thank goodness). I had asked the Physicians Assistant (PA) when I first arrive if she were familiar with any Gabapentin protocols instead of suboxone. She blew me off saying she'd put me on the subs protocol when I was ready. By day 4 I still hadn't shown any real withdrawal symptoms so She put me on 900mg/day of gabapentin. That's all I was given until I checked out on Day 7. Since I've been back home, I've cut that down to 100mg/day and plan to stop it in the next week or so.

I think the real story of my 7 day detox experience was the smoking area. Yes we were allowed to smoke, one thing at a time, right? By the end of the 7 days, the whole group of us had bonded, really connected and cared, as much as you can in 7 days, all having something traumatic in common. I was the oldest, the really sad fact being that the rest were just kids, well mid thirties was their oldest while the rest were 20's down to teens. And even more odd, a good percentage were there for alcohol while fewer there for opiates.

We grew close, and by the end everyone was exchanging numbers. I didn't take anyone's number, but I gave them mine in case they wanted someone to talk them down. To borrow the idea from AA co-founder Bill Wilson, I stay drug free by helping someone else stay drug free.

It's coming up on 3 weeks this Friday since I pee'd clean in a cup. Other than some trouble sleeping, my only other symptom is a prevailing draggyness and lack of enthusiasm. I keep trying to find out if Gabapentin is interfering with my brain's healing abilities but I can't find anything internet wise.

Finally, I did learn something interesting and that's the difference between drug dependency and drug addiction (it's out there, google it, I'm not rationalizing). See, I had called myself a drug addict because I knew I'd go through withdrawals if I ever quit, so was afraid to quit (dependence). Finally, when I did quit and went through really mild withdrawals, well relatively mild anyway, I find that I have no cravings. It's something the detox facility asked every time they took vitals, "any cravings", if so they'd give you something to help calm it down. I never had any cravings. Still don't.

That's the difference between dependency and addiction. The addict's brain is wired differently so that dealing with cravings is a large part of recovery. This behavior is found in a different region of the brain. It's a fine line, I know, but there is plenty of supporting evidence.

Of course many conclude that dependency can lead to addiction. How I dodged that bullet is beyond me. I was hammering the oxy for years, am thankful that I'm done and have no desire to go back......

Only 3 weeks clean, don't laugh, but if you want go ahead...I know I'm not going through this again.....

G.

DriGuy

I know nothing about withdrawal from drugs, but it sounds like you figured it out, and got with the program. I wish you the best.

ElizaD

Very interesting. Thanks for sharing your journey. I work in healthcare, mainly with people in their 60's and up and have met a fair amount who have become addicted to opiates. I guess it's like any addictive substance, you are in control of it until one day it controls you.

stupidJedi

There's a documentary called "Anonymous People". You can find it on just about any streaming service. Costs around $4.00 to rent. It takes us through the journey of the beginnings of AA, through national awareness of alcoholism, through AIDs crisis to the beginnings of recovery from alcohol and drug addictions as a healing process, to the complete setback of the War on Drugs, Regan and Bush era mindsets of prisons instead hospitals, incarceration instead of healing. The whole Journey of changing the mindset of American perception of addiction, even changing the language of recovery.

I'm using this to support me chiding you a little, ElizaD and ask that you think about the word "addict" and what it means to the casual ear. Does it encourage positive or negative think...."addict" .... "addiction"... Can we soften the word to something that means almost the same thing, "dependency" "dependent" ... Watch "Anonymous People". You'll see where I'm going with this....

Thanks,

Dee74

Welcome to SR

There's no requirement for anyone to call themselves anything they don't want to - as long as you do something about the problem

For me accepting my addiction was crucial for me to doing something about it.

Diff'rent strokes

D