wheekie

I'm only on day 4 and the anxiety is so bad. I thought yesterday was bad and that today might be a little better but it hasn't tapered off much as the day goes on like it did yesterday.

I've googled the crap out of "how long" it lasts, and I know it's totally individual but most of the recovery blogs by big treatment centers are very generic in their descriptions.

I am worried that I've always had this anxiety issue and have been self-medicating with alcohol. I'm so worried this won't go away after I'm sober for a while, even though I know logically I've had some relief from it in the past. Just trying to hang on to that and realize maybe today it's just bad and not listen to my mind generating worry.

Seems like I can trace so many failures back to anxiety and/or alcohol. It's like it's becoming clear to me finally how I've let it sabotage me.

I'm so scared right now because I think of how far behind I am in life and how will I ever get ahead and it's all so very overwhelming right now.

And I know I can't fix things this second and to begin to take action I need to get ahold of these feelings of being overwhelmed, but right now all I want to do is hide. And mind keeps saying to get up and do something...start working on this or that...time's flying by...

Ugh.

Been feeling really tearful about all this and just didn't know where to go to let all this out right now. So, I came here, since I know there are people here who have endured worse. And, thank you, just for listening.

Ghostlight1

Anxiety is the most common topic talked about here.
I think there's a whole page devoted to it, but I don't know how to link to it.
I hope your anxiety gets better. Mine did with time and medication.

Bobbieka

Mine got better, wheekie. I saw a therapist and I was put on some meds. I'm no longer on the meds and I have found that meditations help me a lot. I find guided meditations on youtube to keep it simple. I just pick the length and the topic and put it in my phone. It really will get better.

DontRemember

I spent the first week or so making lists, in order of importance and realistic attainability, of things I needed to handle to get my life back on track. Sobriety of course was number 1.. Then bills/work,ect.. Without sobriety I would/will eventually lose everything anyways,so I started there and built from that. It takes time and patience,but the pile of 'crap' that had built up from my drinking lifestyle started to fade around 6mo and if it didn't I knew it would...in time.

Samson1

I agree with ghostlight. Time and meds. Give the meds time to work. It took 2 weeks for mine to build in my system but when they did it was like someone flipped a switch. It does get better.

Purpleman

wheekie I don't think the anxiety ever goes away as such, but the longer you stay alcohol free the more you learn effective coping strategies. From my own experience, my anxiety was absolutely through the roof for about my first year alcohol free. Things got a bit more settled after that, but to be frank it's always there, I'm just a bit better at dealing with it. Best wishes

thomas11

I can only tell you my experience but I too had pretty high anxiety going through withdrawals. But I knew it was a false anxiety, I was worried about things that I wouldn't or shouldn't worry about. I understood it was the alcohol and that helped me stay a bit calmer.

Anna

I'm sorry you're struggling with this and I hope that it will ease up. It's pretty normal to feel quite a bit of anxiety in the early days. This may lessen as you become more comfortable with sobriety.

Many of us here deal with anxiety and here are some things that might help:

TIPS FOR DEALING WITH ANXIETY (the American Assoc for Anxiety & Depression)

Take a Time-Out. Try some yoga, listen to music, meditate, get a massage or learn relaxation techniques. Stepping back from the problem can help clear your head.

Eat well-balanced meals. Do not skip any meals. Keep healthful, energy-boosting snacks on hand. Limit caffeine.

Get enough sleep/rest. Exercise daily to help you feel good and maintain your health. Use an iPod or exercise buddy to help you stick to your routine.

Take deep breaths. Inhale and exhale slowly. Belly-Breathing: Sit comfortably with shoulders, head and neck relaxed. Breath in slowly through your nose so that your stomach expands. Tighten stomach muscles, letting them fall inward as you exhale slowly through your mouth.

Do your best. Instead of aiming for perfection, which isn’t possible, be proud of however close you get.

Accept that you cannot control everything. Put your stress in perspective: Is it really as bad as you think?

Welcome humour. A good laugh goes a long way.

Maintain a positive attitude. Make an effort to replace negative thoughts with positive ones.

Get involved. Volunteer or find another way to be active in your community, which creates a support network and gives you a break from everyday stress.

Learn what triggers your anxiety. Is it work, family, school or something else you can’t identify? Write in a journal when you’re feeling stressed. Look for a pattern.

Talk to someone. Tell friends/family you’re feeling overwhelmed and let them know how they can help. Talk to a professional.

Books

Amen, Daniel Change Your Brain, Change Your Life
Bassett, Lucinda From Panic to Power
Burns, David MD When Panic Attacks
Chodron, Pema The Places that Scare You
Doidge, Norman MD The Brain that Changes Itself
Dyer, Wayne Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life
Orsilla, Ken Mindful Way Through Anxiety

wheekie

Thank you all for the reassurances and how you managed through it. Anna...thank you for the list...some were familiar, some not so much, but it's great to have a list in one place to remind me. I have some of those books too, maybe I'll re-read them.

Been lying around all day after work. Still feeling really shaky and scared and tears come too easily. I feel like such a wimp. Just keep wishing someone could come help me. Come just take me in their arms and tell me they'll help me get through this. Someone to rescue or take care of me. I feel so alone. I know I have to learn to do it myself but feel so weak today.

I know I need to try to make myself do some things today. Avoiding and not doing is probably not helping. But, I hate to go out when I think I might cry at the littlest thing. It's so embarrassing.

I have to go walk my neighbor's dog, but it's taking all I got.

Folks on here mentioned medications, and I haven't decided 100% against that route yet. I've been on an anti-depressant for a long time, so that is alright. But, I had a bad experience coming off a micro dose of Ativan once and my doc and I decided that I probably shouldn't use that again...though I still have a couple pills left.

She gave me gabapentin but it makes me so groggy that I feel useless trying to do anything. Even if I take it at night, it's like I can't wake up.

I scared of taking benzos now because of my experience, so I just figure there's probably not much else they can do medication wise.

Anyway, I'm trying to push through a couple more days and see if there's any improvement. If not, maybe I'll ask for something. I just don't want to tell my doctor about alcohol. I don't want that in my records.

vxper

Everyone's path through sobriety is different but I think this is unavoidable at some point, especially if the anxiety persists. Perhaps even fear of coming clean is causing a bit of it. Talking to my doctor after my hospitalization wasn't easy but I kept telling myself that this all is nothing new to them. Look at all of the people even on just this site who are currently or have went through what you are; the doctor's have seen it all before.

Stay strong, it gets better and life is the awesome gift you have to look forward to!

Gottalife

Anxiety or fear is part and parcel of early recovery from alcoholism. In fact it permeated my whole existence. In the last part of my drinking I was frightened of my own shadow, scared to death even of good people who were trying to help me, let alone my enemies.

The only way I could get to my first AA meeting was through the kindness of a recovered member who knew what I was going through and took me along and, in my mind, kept me safe and introduced me around and so forth. I received a very warm welcome, which is about all I can remember from that first meeting, but the fear stayed with me for quite a while. It was a long time before I felt capable of actually sharing in a meeting. I couldn't string a sentence together.

When I was alone, it was worse, I often found myself with incredible dread, like the sky was going to fall on me. Working with a sponsor, I began to see how that was coming about.

At the time and place I got sober, the medical professionals were loath to hand out medication to alcoholics, and I am so glad about that. It is not that I would have refused to take it, only that they would not allow me to have it. I think they saved my life because as I look back I can see how medicating the fear out of existence would have simultaneously destroyed my motivation to do what was needed. Commonly, alcholics only seem to take action on something out of discomfort. When I got comfortable, action stopped, and the obsession was inclined to come back.

Awful though it was, that fear was my friend. It drove me to take the action required to bring about recovery. The steps that dealt to my alcoholism, also dealt to my fear. Last night at a meeting we talked about some of the step 3 promises:

" As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully, as we became conscious of His presence, we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow or the hereafter."

This came true for me.

WaterOx

Acute anxiety is horrific the first week for me. I literally feel like my nerves are on the outside of my skin. People talking makes me want to scowl at them and I'm plagued with terrible thoughts about myself like how bad I am.

Does any of that sound familiar? If so, the very worst of it should settle down within a few days from now. I know it doesn't feel that way but it is probable that you will feel a lot better and soon.

Everyone is different and everyone reacts differently but that is the long and the short of alcohol and withdrawal. Maybe it's not entirely helpful, but you could try to look at this as a healing experience. Meanwhile, I would try to go easy on yourself wherever you can. Movies, indoors, a good book, curl up with the cat. Be good to yourself where you can. Your nervous system is working itself out. You don't have to do it all

wheekie

Thank you, Gottalife. I'm glad to hear that you pulled through all that eventually. That is reassuring. That dread is awful.

And I get what you're saying about fear being a motivator in some way. I have not talked my doc about anything for the anxiety yet and haven't decided whether I will or not. Just continuing to take the anti-depressant I've taken for a long time.

I think feeling how awful this is has definitely hardened my resolve to not return to drinking, because I can see so clearly now how the rebound is just worse and worse.

But, I need to be functional, so I'm hoping the anxiety at least goes down to a point I can manage through it soon. Worrying about work and money makes the anxiety worse because I feel so paralyzed.

wheekie

Thank you, WaterOx

Yes, it sounds very similar, like my skin is crawling or there are live wires underneath or something. Obsessive thoughts about my lack of retirement strategy (I'm 49 and divorced and self-employed...not making enough to save, etc. etc...). That and sadness as all that I've done wrong. Fixating on wanting things to be back to the way they were with my ex but that's unlikely at this point 5 years down the road.

I think I've drunk to deal with the anxiety and sometimes because I just think wtf? I screwed up when I left my marriage. I was stupid and foolish and now I'm paying the price.

So, I've been trying to take my mind of the past and future but it's hard. And even when I'm not thinking about all that, I just feel so scared. I know hiding under the covers doesn't help matters and in fact stresses me out more because I'm not out there "doing something" about my situation....getting ahead or whatever...figuring it out...making a plan.

But, I feel frozen a lot and then fall apart a lot too.

I am keeping my fingers crossed the worst is past soon.

This morning...day 5 may have been marginally better but it's still taking all I can do to do basic stuff like eat. I have to go walk a few dogs a little later (I have a petcare biz) and it's raining and it's going to take all I can do to force myself outside.

UGH.

Hawkeye13

Hang in there Wheekie--I also have horrible anxiety with withdrawal similar to what you are describing, negative self-talk and all.

It does usually improve pretty quickly, but I know right now that seems like forever.

Just wanted to let you know you aren't alone

Coldfusion

Hi Wheekie!

At six years sober, I am still struggling with the same things. All I know is drinking will only make everything terrible.

I have recently started seeing a therapist, and saw my prescriber to get my depression medicine adjusted. I work with a sponsor and got to at least three AA meetings a week.

I really like Anna's tips for dealing with anxiety!

hellok19

Hi,
My anxiety gets bad when I am sober for a little while. I am also trying it again newly sober. I know that I must make a change for me and my kids. I have too thought about going to see a therapists for dealing with my past issues that always seem to resurface. My ocd really kicks in as well. I don't like medicine but would consider some to help with the impulsiveness to want to return to alcohol abuse. It is really hard to stop something you have done for so long.

Michelle644

I use to get REALLY bad anxiety normally around the time I would start to drink which was 4pm...it was like clockwork 4pm I started getting anxious some days I felt like my head was going to explode and start to get shaky. Oh, yes I had them to. Once in a while I still will get anxious around 4pm. Going for a long walk helped me. In the beginning I took muscle relaxers which helped me. I don't advice that but, I didn't have health insurance to go and see my Doctor. You will be fine...it will pass. Join a gym, go for a walk, drink some hot tea moving around helped me the most. Breath in deep and exhale slowly also helped.

MindfulMan

Mental illness treatments are compromised by addictive substances. Treatment is generally not effective until the addiction stops.
​​​​​
Alcohol is a gabagenic sedative, as are benzos and barbiturates. While using any sedative heavily, the body responds by downregulating the gaba receptors (haba is calming) and upregulating cortisol (which causes alertness and arousal. Take away the sedative, especially suddenly, and you are left with insufficient gaba receptors and a flood of cortisol. The result is anxiety, shakiness, insomnia, restlessness, and in extreme cases DTs and seizures (and even coma and death), until.the nervous system recalibrates. The longer sedatives are used, the higher the dose, and how suddenly they are withdrawn the worse the withdrawal. This is why I was withdrawn with a benzo taper, as my withdrawal would have been very dangerous given past experience and the amount and duration of my substance abuse

It all goes away with time, and the remaining anxiety, ifi any, can be treated.

Dee74

How are things today Wheekie?

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