Numblady

This isn’t exactly drink related so I hope it’s okay that I post it here. I am dealing with a situation at work where I had a disagreement with someone I consider a friend and a very kind person and since that time she has essentially locked herself behind a closed door at the office, rebuffed my offer to talk again, and now announced she’s taking a long term break from the book club she invited me to join. It sounds so childish and I guess fundamentally, it is. But it hurts my heart and is robbing me of sleep. I should also add that this situation was just a political mess and it was not handled perfectly by anyone, including her, and she dashed off a communication that was sufficiently inappropriate that someone up the management chain was ready to fire her and I ran interference. She doesn’t know that and she doesn’t seem to recognize she had any role in things, or at least not as far as I could tell from the one conversation. Instead of just wondering what role she sees for herself and me I will just go directly to her to discuss face to face but I don’t want to hold out false hope that it will really lead to a satisfactory resolution.

I’ve been telling myself things will pass and go back to a better place but I’m worried they will not. I want to be sure I’ve done everything I can to make it right. I really like this woman and she has been sweet to my kids as we have no family here. We’ve been work colleagues (first her as the supervisor, now me as the supervisor for the past ten years—her choosing) for 14 years.

How do you deal with situations that just kind of suck? Any good advice?

xxxNICHOLExxx

Hey numblady!!!
Sorry for your situation!! I’m not sure if this will help but I had a fall out with my family last year. Nothing drinking related they said some pretty mean things wouldn’t invite me to family events and kind of quit talking to me I spent a lot of nights laying in bed looking up at the ceiling thinking why and try to explain myself and they still wouldn’t agree with my decision but I let it be and focus on my well being and my kids and after time they started to accept and talk to me again now everything is good I noticed no matter how hard I tried to make things better it was up to them to stop and think of their actions!!!
I hope everything works out and take care of yourself always here for you if you need to talk!!! Much love

Numblady

Hi Nichole! Thank you so much for responding. I am really happy to see you here and even more so that you took the time to share your insights. Your advice is really well taken. I can’t change this other person and I’ve left the door open. I may just have to spend some time staring at the ceiling as you so aptly put it and hopefully one day she’ll get over it or the sadness on my end will pass.

ElizaD

These kinds of situations really do suck. I know that like a lot of women I want everyone to like me and can't stand thinking that someone is mad at me. All you can do is be as honest with her as you were in your post. Let her know how you feel about her and then regardless of how she responds know you did all you can do and move forward.

Pipefish

I've tried preparing for and having potentially difficult conversations, on the basis of the serenity prayer (and the alternative version)

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, courage to change the person I can, and the wisdom to know that person is me.


Also, I really like the Gestalt prayer by Fritz Perls.

You sound like a kind person, who genuinely wants to build bridges with your friend, and that you're sorry and upset that she has been hurt. If you can hold on to that kindness, that can do no harm.

Wish you well with your conversation.

Cathy31

I would write her a nice note and tell her you care and you are sorry for your part and then leave it at that. Probably important as adults that we allow each other to be silly and childish whatever the case may be. Just a question how do you supervise her if she is behind closed doors?

Numblady

Appreciate all the responses. Eliza and Cathy I like the idea of expressing how I feel one last time whether in writing or in person to know I did everything I could. Cathy I am not her direct supervisor but supervise her manager so we generally have less direct crossover than we did on this cluster of a situation. It just happens that out of all the people in our division she happens to be three doors down from mine.

Pipefish I’d never heard of the Gestalt Prayer. Thank you for sharing.