8 days and getting close to drinking again
 

1. Haven't been to a mtg since Friday.
2. Poured a little wine into the spaghetti sauce and thought about pouring a glass. (I don't even like red wine)
3. Got into an argument with my son yesterday and was stressed and full of self hating remorse.
4. Yesterday, I thought, who cares, I just want to have that feeling of ease and comfort that comes with the first drink.
5. Feel sorry for myself. Like no one's cares. Poor me, poor me...pour me a drink.
6. Boredom.

Today I'm supposed to go to recovery circle at the Kaiser outpatient. I hope I go .

So, this is the time to begin to find new ways to deal family arguments and stress. Be patient with yourself and try to find something that works for you. I find music helps calm me and I love getting outside and walking to clear my head and focus myself.

I'm sure that others do care about you, but it's most important for you to care about yourself and to take care of yourself. :)

Now why do you even have wine in the house? Don't tell me it's "cooking wine", because that's not an excuse to keep wine around.

Please dont keep alcohol in the house as it's what has let me down in the past.

Keep your chin up. I'm on my 3rd day and I'm watching a movie with my kids and they are loving the sober me xxxxx keep on going xxxxx

It's a choice press--seems like the cycle is going downhill.

Is that what you want? How is this impacting your work and your family?

This post looks more like you are prepping to relapse--nip it in the bud

Lots of excuses there Pressme. Instead of hoping make choices that represent your goals. Otherwise don't expect a different outcome.

Yesterday, I thought, who cares, I just want to have that feeling of ease and comfort that comes with the first drink.

there is no such thing as one drink. any "ease" you might feel for about 10 minutes is artificial and quickly eradicated by the all consuming need for MORE.

there are other ways to achieve ease and comfort. that don't require a drink or a pill. we also learn that when living life on life's terms, stuff is gonna happen! and maybe we don't like it. but life isn't about making sure that we are always comfortable, at ease, provided for, and pampered. i think that is reserved for fluffy persian cats!! LOL

each day ask yourself two questions:
1) What am i willing to do today for my recovery?
2) What am i going to do today for my recovery?

then do those things.

A relapse starts before we drink. Mental and emotional. Strength to you x

Please don't drink. :(

I know everyone is getting tired of me saying this but after drinking 20 something years I finally decided to stop. I went to the doctor and requested antabuse 500. I take it every morning when the feeling to drink is at its lowest and it stays in your system for 14 days. So I know that when I take it I must go 14 more days without a drink.(You dont want to drink on Antabuse. I've seen the effects) If not for that I woud have failed long ago. The boredom is the worst. I have my 4 legged best friend,this sight and Netflix to get me through those times. 48 days so far. And yes do not keep alcohol in the house.

Not trying to beat a dead horse, but I haven't stopped thinking about this one. An alcoholic who just decides to pop open a bottle of wine to randomly add to spaghetti sauce?

Surely there has to be some kind of explanation for that thought process.

I don't think you will get that feeling of ease and comfort pressme, or at least not for long. Just regret and disappointment. You could try and change something in your routine so that your mind isn't stuck on the same familiar rails.

there's still time to pull out of the dive Press.
I hope you will :)

D

This is your moment of truth.

Do you want the status quo? Or do you want a new life?

Hope you made it to your group.

Been there. Done that. More than once. Regretted it every time...and it was never just a first drink.

Every time when the drink first hit my lips I thought "honeydew vine water" and at exactly the same time a thunderclap went off and a voice said "sh*t, here we go again".

I never have to go there again...and for 15 years I haven't. You don't have to either.

I have about two cases of wine left in my house. It's not a temptation. When I was in rehab my counselor insisted I have an advance team take the wine out of my house before I got home. There was a big hassle at my checkout and it didn't happen. When I got home I realized that I had absolutely no desire to drink any of it, so I've gradually been giving it away and serving it to guests.

However, I couldn't be anywhere near an open bottle of hard liquor for nearly a year. I realized I was over that about 11 months after my sober date when I was in the Coachella house in April 2018 and there were bottles of booze everywhere. as well as molly or coke if I'd asked. I woke up the first morning and was at eye level with this huge bottle of Grey Goose vodka, and thought 'I could have a shot of that and nobody would know." I gagged at the thought and then laughed because I absolutely did NOT want any of it!

I needed to get sober time behind me and a lot of cognitive work in outpatient rehab first. At this point there's no question that I will never drink again.

I don't have anything in my house. I think I actually would be fine if I did, but I'm not going to drink it, so what's the point of keeping it around. Like you, I have had a time or two that I saw a bottle of liquor and thought "maybe 1 shot, no one will know". But I'll know, and that's enough for me not to do it.

If you can coexist with wine in your house, more power to you. OP obviously cannot handle the temptation quite yet..

This is so important! Recently I've heard so many people talking about what they now see as the beginning of their relapse starting [x] days before the actual drink. Some as much as 90 or more.

For me, I have to self-correct if I see the stuff you are talking about dip below what I need - I'm specifically talking about meetings and irritability with my sweet husband, or agitation over the step kids, as main examples.

Last wk? I only did the one mtg I lead for a recovery group. Looking back, my wk would have been so much easier if I had gone to my usual 3-4 AA meetings plus both of the others.

That's for my emotional sobriety.

Early on - it was crucial for physical.

What are your plans today, Press?

AND- on the subject of alcohol in the house. I absolutely would not have when I first got sober. WHY? I also chose not to eat food containing alcohol, researching ahead of time when I did start going out, and declining or sending back anything I doubted or simply didn't trust the server to actually ask the chef. NOW- note, at 3 yr and change- we still don't have need for alcohol in the house; I don't get upset if a restaurant dish seems to have alcohol in it by a taste but I'm still not ordering coq au vin or bolognese sauce. Not for cooking, not for guests, nothing. It's not fear - it's just the norm. Others make diff choices, but at first? No way.

I make sauces with wine quite often actually. I don't think I would if I were at risk of drinking it though. I've always liked the taste a little wine brings to certain sauces and gravies and to me, this doesn't connect to drinking at all.

I know some people simply cannot even risk a little alcohol in their food as it could trigger them to drink, which seems like the case here.

(EDIT) Would like to add that this isn't wine I go out and buy myself to add to food. My husband drinks alcohol, therefore our bar area is still stocked with multiple spirits, mixers and he likes to drink wine on the weekends, so I use a dash of his wine when preparing certain sauces. I haven't bought alcohol for myself since around June last year and most of our bar alcohol is gathering dust except if guests reach for it.

how are you today Pressme?