My mother asked me to do everything I can to make my relationship work
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 1
My mother asked me to do everything I can to make my relationship work
A few years ago, my mother was dying from cancer and asked me to do all I could to make the relationship I was in work. At the time she knew we were having problems because it was a blended family and I guess she was afraid for me to be alone after she was gone... I could say that this is my excuse but there are so many wrong reasons I’ve stayed connected to a man whose first love seems to be alcohol.
Not long after my mother passed his cruelty started to show, it took about a year for me to decide to move out of the home we shared.
I had moved out but I didn’t totally let him go. Why? Fear.
I am a single mom to a 24 year old son with profound autism and have moved into the house my mother used as her camp. The house is barely habitable and I am so afraid of it all falling down around me that I keep asking the alocoholic for help. I know I need to cut all ties with this person which is why I was looking online to find some support from others who have been where I am now..
I need to understand that there isn’t a Dr Jekyll and Mr.Hyde, right? I read that somewhere... that the cruel person that he is when he is drunk isn’t jut because drinking takes away multitudes of IQ points? They are both him... I think I’ve been fooling myself, thinking if he just doesn’t drink around me it will be ok.
I need to find strength somewhere and I’m hoping to borrow some of yours. That higher power thing, right?
thank you for being here... I hope to start feeling hope
Not long after my mother passed his cruelty started to show, it took about a year for me to decide to move out of the home we shared.
I had moved out but I didn’t totally let him go. Why? Fear.
I am a single mom to a 24 year old son with profound autism and have moved into the house my mother used as her camp. The house is barely habitable and I am so afraid of it all falling down around me that I keep asking the alocoholic for help. I know I need to cut all ties with this person which is why I was looking online to find some support from others who have been where I am now..
I need to understand that there isn’t a Dr Jekyll and Mr.Hyde, right? I read that somewhere... that the cruel person that he is when he is drunk isn’t jut because drinking takes away multitudes of IQ points? They are both him... I think I’ve been fooling myself, thinking if he just doesn’t drink around me it will be ok.
I need to find strength somewhere and I’m hoping to borrow some of yours. That higher power thing, right?
thank you for being here... I hope to start feeling hope
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
Hi and welcome swampgirl
you'll definitely find help and support here.
I hope you can get yourself to a point pretty quickly where you don't need anything from someone who've you've already determined is a toxic influence in your and your sons life.
Honestly I'd rather go without some stuff than keep a toxic relationship going.
Its easy to think about the good times and maybe the kindness he's showing now but an active alcoholic (one whos still drinking) can never promise stability and can never promise lasting peace.
They can never promise you and your son won't be hurt damaged or abused by them or their actions.
I'm being honest here. I hope its not too painful to read.
I know this because I used to be an active alcoholic. My main priority was staying drunk..everything else came after that.
D
you'll definitely find help and support here.
I hope you can get yourself to a point pretty quickly where you don't need anything from someone who've you've already determined is a toxic influence in your and your sons life.
Honestly I'd rather go without some stuff than keep a toxic relationship going.
Its easy to think about the good times and maybe the kindness he's showing now but an active alcoholic (one whos still drinking) can never promise stability and can never promise lasting peace.
They can never promise you and your son won't be hurt damaged or abused by them or their actions.
I'm being honest here. I hope its not too painful to read.
I know this because I used to be an active alcoholic. My main priority was staying drunk..everything else came after that.
D
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Better to be alone than in a toxic relationship. There is nothing more lonely than being in a bad/unhappy relationship. We don't NEED to be in a relationship.
Maybe take some time to work out why you think you need to be in a bad relationship rather than being on your own for a while. Sure your mother wouldn't want you to be unhappy. In any event it takes 2 to make it work, not just 1,
Maybe take some time to work out why you think you need to be in a bad relationship rather than being on your own for a while. Sure your mother wouldn't want you to be unhappy. In any event it takes 2 to make it work, not just 1,
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,502
Believe in yourself and that you can manage your life without this toxic person. You deserve peace in your life and it might mean making some changes in your living situation, but it would be worth it.
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