Feeling down
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Feeling down
I'm sober and I want to stay that way but I'm just feeling a bit low this Sunday evening.
I'm spending another weekend night alone because my partner has left to have a few beers last minute. I can feel the dynamic changing. We went out for a meal yesterday because I really wanted to get out of the house and do something. It seems like it was an effort for her she didn't want to make. She actually asked why I was so bothered about doing something this weekend. I said because it would be boring if we were in the house all weekend. She said I never used to mind lazy weekends before.
It's true I didn't.. but lazing around isn't as exciting without a drink in your hand.
There are a few times she's made other plans with other people involving alcohol when we were meant to have nights in together and I can't help but think it's because I'm not drinking.
She said before she left today, taking her beer out of the fridge "At least if I go and drink these I won't be dragging you down with me"
So now I'm alone and just feeling like I want to cry really.
I'm spending another weekend night alone because my partner has left to have a few beers last minute. I can feel the dynamic changing. We went out for a meal yesterday because I really wanted to get out of the house and do something. It seems like it was an effort for her she didn't want to make. She actually asked why I was so bothered about doing something this weekend. I said because it would be boring if we were in the house all weekend. She said I never used to mind lazy weekends before.
It's true I didn't.. but lazing around isn't as exciting without a drink in your hand.
There are a few times she's made other plans with other people involving alcohol when we were meant to have nights in together and I can't help but think it's because I'm not drinking.
She said before she left today, taking her beer out of the fridge "At least if I go and drink these I won't be dragging you down with me"
So now I'm alone and just feeling like I want to cry really.
I'm sorry you feel low NAS. It took me a little while to build a sober life I loved - but the wait was worth it.
Maybe you can start planning your next weekend now - you can do things, not involving drinking, that the both of you might enjoy?
D
Maybe you can start planning your next weekend now - you can do things, not involving drinking, that the both of you might enjoy?
D
Maybe you would be wise to make some plans for yourself, separate from your partner?
What do you enjoy doing? I find that I'm home alone a lot now too, but if I start to go a little stir crazy I hop in the car and just go for a drive.
Be patient, and don't be afraid to express your needs to your partner.
She said before she left today, taking her beer out of the fridge "At least if I go and drink these I won't be dragging you down with me"
This statement would concern me...a little.
What do you enjoy doing? I find that I'm home alone a lot now too, but if I start to go a little stir crazy I hop in the car and just go for a drive.
Be patient, and don't be afraid to express your needs to your partner.
She said before she left today, taking her beer out of the fridge "At least if I go and drink these I won't be dragging you down with me"
This statement would concern me...a little.
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I have tried planning things. She said she wanted to get fit in January so I signed us up for swimming and yoga but she soon got bored of that. When we were doing 'dry january' we had plans to go out to eat which she cancelled because 'there was no point in going all the way out and not drinking"
I took us for brunch last weekend.. I'm always suggesting things.
I'm just sad I'm alone again. It's not like I mind her drinking around me it wouldn't bother me at all.
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Maybe you would be wise to make some plans for yourself, separate from your partner?
What do you enjoy doing? I find that I'm home alone a lot now too, but if I start to go a little stir crazy I hop in the car and just go for a drive.
Be patient, and don't be afraid to express your needs to your partner.
She said before she left today, taking her beer out of the fridge "At least if I go and drink these I won't be dragging you down with me"
This statement would concern me...a little.
What do you enjoy doing? I find that I'm home alone a lot now too, but if I start to go a little stir crazy I hop in the car and just go for a drive.
Be patient, and don't be afraid to express your needs to your partner.
She said before she left today, taking her beer out of the fridge "At least if I go and drink these I won't be dragging you down with me"
This statement would concern me...a little.
I guess it's just because like I say I feel the dynamic changing and we're spending less time together and the only thing that's changed is the fact I'm not drinking,
She said that as if she was joking almost but yeah.. it was a bit of a strange thing to say.
I agree with you. It does sound like the dynamic is changing and I can understand that you don't like what you're seeing. Have you expressed to your partner how you feel? It seems like you need to communicate with each other here because you said you don't mind at all if she drinks around you. Yet, she chooses to go out without you in order to drink.
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It doesn't help that I hate this damn apartment! It's so small and even though I haven't lived here long it's full of bad memories.
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I agree with you. It does sound like the dynamic is changing and I can understand that you don't like what you're seeing. Have you expressed to your partner how you feel? It seems like you need to communicate with each other here because you said you don't mind at all if she drinks around you. Yet, she chooses to go out without you in order to drink.
I know that I would feel uncomfortable drinking if the other person wasn't even if they said they didn't mind but I think that says more about me and my relationship with alcohol than anything.. but maybe she feels the same.
I understand it is a big adjustment considering we have always liked a drink together. I carry a sense of guilt around because she didn't choose to be with a non drinker..
Then of course there's that damn AV in the background saying well if it's going to cause this many issues then why not just have a few drinks now and then
Don't worry I'm not stupid enough to listen to that this time!
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And again!
I nearly drank last night. She had a beer and then a gin and said “you’re making me feel like an alcoholic” not because of anything I’d said just because I was drinking water. I said don’t be silly. She insinuated about spending weekends with her aunt instead (who is a big drinker) when I asked why she said it she said she was joking..
Hmmm. I could’ve had a couple of drinks last night but it would of been pointless. She fell asleep after 2 drinks so then I would’ve been left up drinking on my own and thinking why the hell did I do this!!
I nearly drank last night. She had a beer and then a gin and said “you’re making me feel like an alcoholic” not because of anything I’d said just because I was drinking water. I said don’t be silly. She insinuated about spending weekends with her aunt instead (who is a big drinker) when I asked why she said it she said she was joking..
Hmmm. I could’ve had a couple of drinks last night but it would of been pointless. She fell asleep after 2 drinks so then I would’ve been left up drinking on my own and thinking why the hell did I do this!!
And again!
I nearly drank last night. She had a beer and then a gin and said “you’re making me feel like an alcoholic” not because of anything I’d said just because I was drinking water. I said don’t be silly. She insinuated about spending weekends with her aunt instead (who is a big drinker) when I asked why she said it she said she was joking..
Hmmm. I could’ve had a couple of drinks last night but it would of been pointless. She fell asleep after 2 drinks so then I would’ve been left up drinking on my own and thinking why the hell did I do this!!
I nearly drank last night. She had a beer and then a gin and said “you’re making me feel like an alcoholic” not because of anything I’d said just because I was drinking water. I said don’t be silly. She insinuated about spending weekends with her aunt instead (who is a big drinker) when I asked why she said it she said she was joking..
Hmmm. I could’ve had a couple of drinks last night but it would of been pointless. She fell asleep after 2 drinks so then I would’ve been left up drinking on my own and thinking why the hell did I do this!!
i think whats happening to you is youre seeing what the relationship was centered on/revolved around-alcohol- youre seeing what you had in common with her- alcohol.
ya typed something in your OP you might want to think about:
She said before she left today, taking her beer out of the fridge "At least if I go and drink these I won't be dragging you down with me.
it will happen if you allow it.
have ya thought ya may have some codependency issues?
I know what u mean my husband seemed mad I wasn't going to drink Friday night but then came around by Sunday he still drank some beer. That's all we did together for awhile it is good to know if u have something in common that isn't alcohol..if not if one gets sober and the other doesn't and isn't supportive it's gonna be a prob. I don't know how old u guys are but maybe she still just wants to party. What do u want?
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See we’ve been together for 6 years now and the relationship is much more than drinking together. We used to just enjoy the occasional drinks on a Saturday night but then within the past couple of years it did escalate. I was in a bad place after a family bereavement when I started drinking heavily and then it just sort of ended up every time we saw each other we’d end up getting a few beers etc.
I’m late 20s she’s early 30s and she isn’t a partier or anything like that. She’ll have a few drinks in house and fall asleep which is why I don’t get why it bothers her so much if I don’t. We both said at the beginning of the year we were gonna make an effort to get healthier and our drinking under control. We’re hoping to start a family soon.
We definitely have more in common than just alcohol but it does seem like it’s an issue. Yeah I probably do have codependency issues ha.
I just can’t help but feeling that maybe I’m just less fun when I’m sober? But then that seems like an idiotic way to think because I’m hardly fun when I’m shaking like crazy or lying in late morning with a stinking hangover.
Guess this is only going to be solved by having a full and frank discussion.
I’m late 20s she’s early 30s and she isn’t a partier or anything like that. She’ll have a few drinks in house and fall asleep which is why I don’t get why it bothers her so much if I don’t. We both said at the beginning of the year we were gonna make an effort to get healthier and our drinking under control. We’re hoping to start a family soon.
We definitely have more in common than just alcohol but it does seem like it’s an issue. Yeah I probably do have codependency issues ha.
I just can’t help but feeling that maybe I’m just less fun when I’m sober? But then that seems like an idiotic way to think because I’m hardly fun when I’m shaking like crazy or lying in late morning with a stinking hangover.
Guess this is only going to be solved by having a full and frank discussion.
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It's awkward to chime in with these types of threads but there are red flags galore.
Reread every post you've written in this thread NAS. Your partner is disrespecting you and disrespecting your sobriety which is clearly on shaky ground. Starting a family should be the last thing on your mind in this situation.
I'll end with the caveat, don't shoot the messenger...
Reread every post you've written in this thread NAS. Your partner is disrespecting you and disrespecting your sobriety which is clearly on shaky ground. Starting a family should be the last thing on your mind in this situation.
I'll end with the caveat, don't shoot the messenger...
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It's awkward to chime in with these types of threads but there are red flags galore.
Reread every post you've written in this thread NAS. Your partner is disrespecting you and disrespecting your sobriety which is clearly on shaky ground. Starting a family should be the last thing on your mind in this situation.
I'll end with the caveat, don't shoot the messenger...
Reread every post you've written in this thread NAS. Your partner is disrespecting you and disrespecting your sobriety which is clearly on shaky ground. Starting a family should be the last thing on your mind in this situation.
I'll end with the caveat, don't shoot the messenger...
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