When will it end
 

My partner took me out to meet some friends yesterday and I ended up drinking. I fell over and we argued. I dont remember hardly anything. He said I hit him in the arm. I have never hit anyone in my life and I cant believe I did it. I dont even know why I drank possibly because I thought I could stop I dont know. I'm so full of regret I am at the lowest of the low. I cant lost him and I want to do this for my kids. I've been doing really well and I dont know why I messed it up. I honestly cant stop crying and I dont know how to carry on. How do I escape all of this? How do I become me again? Too many years i have wasted and i ruined my marriage. I am ruining everyone's lives. Help me please as this is not me. Help

ZG

I think the responses offered in your previous thread titled

I just want it to end

is all you can get from the SR folks. There is a lot of good thoughts/advice in this thread. But in order to move your life forward in a positive direction the answer needs to come from inside you.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-want-end.html

It will end when you have an answer to this.

Though you want to be sober, you haven't committed to not drinking, ever. Have a sober plan. And have a plan for this situation that can get us all if not prepared.

I have to do this. I cant carry on like this anymore

So don’t. Take action today. You came here for help, so that’s a good start. How about going to a recovery meeting? Or calling a local alcohol counseling hotline? Drinking alcohol doesn’t just “happen”, you have to make a conscious choice to do it.

I know. I'm going to see about aa meetings as I need to stop

As others have said you have to want to stop drinking and be sober more than you want to drink. And do everything you can do achieve that. Early on it probably means not going out to bars and clubs not matter how much you partner wants you to go. I could not have gone into a bar at 2 weeks sober and not picked up so I didn't go.

You have the power to do this and make these decisions but it has to come from you.

You really can do this, hang in there and keep trying. Forgive and love yourself as best you can. More and more every single day. <3

Know that this isn't permanent!

I hope you make the decision to stop drinking. You can be the person you want to be. :)

This will end when you stop drinking for good.

I've set a plan.
no alcohol in the house not even for my partner.
I have filled the fridge with flavoured waters.
I am going to read a book a week.
I am going to finish my studies
I am going to do more with my children
I am going to see my savings rise
I have booked a holiday
I am going to do all i can for my family and more
i am going to marry this wonderful human i am with
I will wrong all rights.
My children will never see me drink again.
I am going to live my life and not go down the same route as my mum.
I am going to be happy.
I will come on here everyday

I've set a plan.
no alcohol in the house not even for my partner.
I have filled the fridge with flavoured waters.
I am going to read a book a week.
I am going to finish my studies
I am going to do more with my children
I am going to see my savings rise
I have booked a holiday
I am going to do all i can for my family and more
i am going to marry this wonderful human i am with
I will wrong all rights.
My children will never see me drink again.
I am going to live my life and not go down the same route as my mum.
I am going to be happy.
I will come on here everyday

Sorry bloody thing said it hadn't posted lol

Remember that serial relapses are also serial triers*. You are trying and with each pass you're coming closer.

Remember that.


* (props to the SR person who said that...can't remember who....best quote ever)

Honestly I'm done with it. I cant live my life like that anymore.
I've woken up early and feel sick still and full of regret. I hope that passes soon. I'm still really tired so well try and cuddle up to my fella and sleep a bit more.

Hope you are have a healthy, happy and sober day xxxx

All of those things are good ZG - but as good plan to me also includes what you are going to do specifically when you want to drink, or you crave alcohol, or you feel 'eff it'...

It can be as detailed or as light as you want to make it, but thinking about that stuff before it happens can be really helpful?

D

I hope you follow up on this and do more than "see" about meetings. Find one, go, get a Big Book of AA, read it and then plan on getting a sponsor and working the steps.

Why do I stress this? Because you don't seem to be able to do it on your own. And there is a method to AA that seems to work for many.

Love love love flavored water, my fridge is STOCKED. Also, I always have ginger ale, so if someone else is over drinking, I can make my ginger ale and lime....and I feel "included". Works for me!

I've also gotten really obsessed with different herbal teas. I was never into tea, but now I'm always shopping for more and different varieties. It feels good to drink something that is actually benefiting my body.

"There is no try. There is do or not do." Wisdom of Yoda.

It ends when we decide.

What better time than now?