D122y

Tet,

When i crave i think of the after effects. For me, they are depression, anxiety and obsessing, high bp, sleep pattern disturbance, strength loss, immune system compromise.

All of that and more, for what. I trip into oblivion. i have spent way to much time with my brain in la la land.

When I see a drunk person i see someone in a chemically altered state. When I was drinking, i remember how after a couple of shots, i would suddenly have all the answers to my problems.

When I came out of my stupor, I still had all of the problems, but now I was a stinking drunk to boot. My eyes would be red, I would be bloated and fat.

I would go into work worried that the gate guard would smell me and pull me aside. My boss would walk up to me and take a big wiff and know i was a pathetic drunk.

Not anymore. I look and smell like a fresh flower. My eyes are bright white and I have 2 x the energy my brain thinks it has. My work performance has improved dramatically. I am very strong and getting stronger by the moment.

I had to suffer like hell to get this clean. It hurt so bad. I was going insane. I knew drinking would temporarily medicate that, but then the door would be open. I would eventually drink myself sick again and slip right back into the hell on earth i needed to escape from.

People commit suicide during black outs because they get so depressed and angry they messed up.

Stay clean and let the miracle happen.

At 18 days, I was a craving mess on the floor begging God to give me strength.

I had no awareness of what was going on in my mind and body.

SR taught me everything.

God forbid, but if you do relapse, don't give up.

Know that while each relapse digs a deeper hell hole to climb out of, know that people can manage to accumulate more clean time if they keep trying. Keep trying. Keep trying.

The mind and body benefit from any clean time we can muster.

Thanks.

Atlast9999

Tetrax

You were right! Day 19. Thanks for all the support everyone.