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Feeling like a giant piece dog turds.

Old 03-12-2019, 06:15 AM
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Feeling like a giant piece dog turds.

Today I wrote an F you letter to booze. I thought for sure I was going to get fired for my actions at this new job. I still might and I'm worried freaking sick.
Basically, I got a new job, then faked a family problem to stay at home and drink very early into it. Dodge a bunch of calls and now I feel ******* sick about it.
Why did I do that? What was the point? Then I spent all weekend getting wasted so much that I started feeling sick even drinking a bit.

But Sunday night I poured out fresh beers I bought and decided that it's over and I want to be better. Booze has done nothing but hurt me for too long.
I want to be better. I will be better.
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Old 03-12-2019, 06:33 AM
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Glad you finally poured it out, not a good way to start the new job, but you already know that. Just have to stay focused on the goal!
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Old 03-12-2019, 06:50 AM
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Originally Posted by needshelp111 View Post
Today I wrote an F you letter to booze. I thought for sure I was going to get fired for my actions at this new job. I still might and I'm worried freaking sick.
Basically, I got a new job, then faked a family problem to stay at home and drink very early into it. Dodge a bunch of calls and now I feel ******* sick about it.
Why did I do that? What was the point? Then I spent all weekend getting wasted so much that I started feeling sick even drinking a bit.

But Sunday night I poured out fresh beers I bought and decided that it's over and I want to be better. Booze has done nothing but hurt me for too long.
I want to be better. I will be better.
Man I know that exact scenario - lying to work about a family problem to either recover from or to start drinking. It's a brutal cycle of suffering a shame. There's a better life, but you have to work for it.
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Old 03-12-2019, 06:51 AM
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Originally Posted by WhoDeyPI View Post
Glad you finally poured it out, not a good way to start the new job, but you already know that. Just have to stay focused on the goal!
Thanks. My goal is to not miss another day all year!!!!! I don't care if I am sicker than ever. I'm going to work.
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Old 03-12-2019, 10:46 AM
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Glad you are ready to live a sober life.
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Old 03-12-2019, 02:16 PM
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A really horrible regretful last day of drinking is a fantastic note to stop on. The reminder should stay fresh for quite some time. If you feel like drinking again just play the old tape forward cause you will get to go right back to that same crappy place again.
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Old 03-12-2019, 04:40 PM
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I've used the excuse of wanting to drink for getting out so many things I can't even remember them all.
I let so many people down. But mostly myself.
I was a bad drunk, and totally unreliable.
This went on at the end of my drinking career. The last ten years.
I hurt my job, my friends and saddest of all to me, my family. Total irresponsibility. I can only hope they can one day forgive me.
I understand where you're coming from. I've been there.

Don't have that first drink and you'll never have to do it again.
You're not alone.
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Old 03-13-2019, 10:19 PM
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I can so identify effing up at work to drink and not even understanding why you're doing it. The good news is probably that what you were doing got you here and will hope you change your life. I have five days sober today and what I've been doing is posting here every day going to AA meetings and checking in with an outpatient facility. Oh yeah and eating. 😋. I have no bigger plans for my sobriety than just today. You can do this.
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