wecoyote13

Been false starting since December...I'll blame a number of factors from 1) being an addict to 2) not really being ready to give up drinking to 3) too many opportunities for "planned relapse" in that period...I have been looking for a window to "really" get sober and embrace it and I feel like it finally came last week. To be honest I got the flu and my thinking was that its easier to form new habits within "different" environment...this would have to do. If I was going to be miserable...why not quit at the same time!

So now I am done being "sick" and have not had a drink in 7 days. I'm encouraged as I have not had any serious craving moments yet. I also think the honeymoon of earlier this year with my wife is finally "over"...it was honestly "annoying" to have her constantly so happy that I got a few hours or a day sober...I would be like "hun, its a day...this is "forever""...don't get too "over the top" about it...

one of my "planned relapses" in February was eye opening because it was a trip with my boss, which would surely include lots of drinking at the end of the day...funny thing is that he only had 1 Coors light each night and got to bed early (he's early 50's, I'm late 40's), there was one other guy there who also drank very little...so I was the only idiot there with a bottle of scotch and a hidden bottle of vodka (was a ski thing)...my boss was like "yea I am getting too old to do it the way we used to"...and I realized one of the things that was holding me back was really in my head...nobody I hang out with really cares if I drink anymore.

Anyway...I know this isn't the emotional heart felt approach to sobriety that get's everyone excited on the site but maybe that's a good thing...sobriety is a realistic, long-term, grinding approach to life that requires daily "work" and commitment. I'm sure I'll have slip ups in the future but I do feel I'm starting to attach all of the reasons I needed to drink to the younger, less mature me which leaves open that the mature, father, growing up me can leave it behind for good...this has been 10+ years in the making.

I've been watching crappy old comedies before bed lately but looking forward to reading SR which sustained me through prior periods of growth...hope you are all well!

-wec

thomas11

I'm sure I'll have slip ups in the future

Doesn't have to be that way. Anyway, I respect your approach. I did it unconventionally as well. I used this forum and re-mapped out my entire lifestyle. Total overhaul of the way I live, so far so good.

Dee74

If you're sure you'll slip again you probably will.

We can rationalise anything really.
I used to rationalise that my life meant I had to drink sometimes.

The last 12 years kinda put that to bed

Its a common belief that less relapses means improvement.
I'm not onboard with that one.

Hear me out.

When I drank, I was in the throes of active addiction.
When I stopped drinking I started to live in recovery.

They're diametrically opposed conditions. You can't be a little bit in recovery or a just a bit slipping.

Go for recovery wecoyote

D

Robert88

Every time that I relapsed it was harder than the previous time to quit. Maybe you are different. I have to stop 100 percent and that meant going to rehab and sober living.

wecoyote13

I agree Robert its gotten harder. I feel blessed to be on day #9 and just able to lay down and go to sleep at night with no shaking, hearing things, itching, pain, etc. The other night I was watching TV an imagined taking a drink and could immediately feel chest and arm pain...if that tells me anything. Anyway...I'm up at 4:30 to work out and feeling blessed! Have a great day!

sva777

I decided I was ready to quit at the end of 2014. I had various stints of sobriety from then until early 2017. I realized for this to work had to approach the whole situation differently.

Once I finally let go of the thought of ever drinking again and finally come to the realization I can never drink again did I really get on the right path. It sounds simple but was so difficult. The battle is hard and I wish you well, I am sure you know this as I can see you have been on this forum for over 14 years.

August252015

I hope you find that choosing permanent sobriety is for you - and I have to say that the "grind" was drinking, not being sober. Best to you.

Pressmetilihurt

I can so identify with thinking that everyone around me likes to drink a lot when it was really just me. I think the flu or anything really is a great opportunity to change things up. I have five days today and I'm super grateful. I've tried this before so I can't make pronouncements but what I can say isi that Im an alcoholic and I need other people in my life if I'm going to stay sober. What has been working for me is 1 posting here every day and seeing that people care and identify. 2 I take naltrexone which really helps cut the cravings. 3 I've been in some kind of meeting everyday it seems. When I was younger drinking seemed like an adventure it also meant that I actually never took real adventures. And now it's the most isolating lonely boring thing ever. When I'm sober I have opportunities to do things and make a life. I hope you choose that for yourself.