WhoDeyPI

Hey ya'll.

I have a sticky note on my desk. My sobriety sticky note. I started making marks on this note from my hospital bed, and for the longest time, marking each day was the highlight of my day. Today, I realized that I had been forgetting, and was behind 4 days.

So, today I marked those 4 days and...well would you look at that...200 days today.

200 days without a drop of alcohol. A few years ago if you would've told me I'd go 2 weeks without alcohol I would've laughed in your face.

I just don't feel like the need a celebrate, brag, or anything. My 90 days I felt accomplished. My 180 days I felt grateful. 200 days comes around and I just feel like it's another day. I don't crave alcohol. The thought of alcohol even being in my life seems like an entire different lifetime.

I still browse SR every day, and try to contribute to helping others when I can. I still put all my thoughts on paper, and still have a LOT of thoughts. I just felt like recovery would be harder for me. I felt like being sober would always be some struggle, and that the desire and cravings would never stop....but they did stop. I don't feel a struggle, I don't have the cravings. This has become easy for me. It has been my normal and my constant. Maybe I'm the lucky one. Maybe God has helped me. Maybe I was just never truly "dependent" on alcohol. Was my mind addicted to the thought of being addicted? Does that even make sense?

Some of you probably want to punch me after reading this post, because I see how much so many of you are struggling, and I feel for you. I feel for you, and I'm always there for you.

Open and honestly yours,

-Chris

Kaily

I am sober and do still struggle but I don't want to punch you at all. I want to thank and congratulate you for your sober time and for an encouraging uplifting post.

Thank you.

Coldfusion

200 days is AWESOME Chris!

WhoDeyPI

Glad you found it uplifting, and that I'm not going to get punched, haha! I don't know, I just have a weird feeling today. Nothing good or bad...just indifferent, so I thought I would try to explain it in a post.

NerfThis

Congratulations!

I also understand what you mean. I know countless people here have to live in booze free houses and live booze free social lives. I quit with a fully stocked bar in the house and I still host parties for my friends and attend boozy brunches. I know if I decided to drink anything now, I'd be right back to where I was when I wanted to quit. The fact is I don't want to drink, so being around it doesn't matter. I quit before I was at the worst part of alcoholism, but I knew if i carried on drinking, I'd soon be at the worst part.

5329guy

Ayers

whooo-hoooo !!!! Congrats , Chris ! Fantastic !

Keep posting !

MLD51

Congratulations, Chris!

WhoDeyPI

Yes, this! When I "went sober", I heard a lot of:

"Chris is coming, hide the alcohol, don't drink around him, don't talk about it".

I had to sit them all down and tell them to stop that. I still go to bars, I still have people over who drink.....I just don't drink. I don't want to drink, nor am I tempted to.

WhoDeyPI

Thank you! If you dig up my "Day 1" thread....it explains my "journey". It's somewhere on this same forum, but I always have trouble finding it.

In a nutshell I knew I was drinking too much. I gained 40+ lbs, and was using alcohol to self-medicate my depression and anxiety. I would be sober from 9-5 at work, but drink 750ml+ of vodka EVERY night, and it's the only way I could "sleep".

One day, I decided I wanted to lose weight, so I gave up alcohol "cold turkey". I was 20 days sober, feeling great...and then....

....I woke up, yellow as a lemon, kept blacking out, bloated like crazy with severe stomach pain. Went to the doctor, who immediately sent me to the ER. Was in the hospital for over a week, and diagnosed with cirrhosis, stage 4 liver failure, partial kidney failure, ascites, hypertension, jaundice. They drained like 6+ liters of toxic fluid from my abdominal cavity, and told me if I stay sober I have a 25% chance of living 5 years from my diagnosis.

So by the time I got out of the hospital I was already 30 days sober. No rehab. No AA. I'm spiritual and believe in God, but don't consider my sobriety "faith based" or anything. I just had to choose alcohol or life. I'm still not going to live to be an old man. I'm 31 years old and will likely be dead by the time I'm 35, but maybe not. I'm at peace with the possibility of dying, I just prefer to live the rest of my days sober. I'm a stubborn and competitive *****, so even if the damage from the addiction ends up killing me, at least I know I BEAT IT.

EDIT: I still think I'll go to an AA meeting just to check it out. The way I see it, it's just another "forum" to express my thoughts, so I think that might be worth checking out. I'm still anxious about new places, but I'm getting better with that, so maybe soon!

WhoDeyPI

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...oing-well.html (New Sobriety - Doing Well?)

5329guy

WhoDeyPI

I need to get back to the doc soon for some tests, but I have a hard time believing that I'm just going to drop dead. I've lost 37 lbs....from 223 to 186. I'm not yellow anymore. I have no pain. I virtually have no symptoms, I feel healthy as an ox.

My last blood work showed vast improvement in liver function, and that was 2 months ago. I haven't been back since....ooooops.

5329guy

I certainly hope so!!! Now get your butt to the doctor

DarklingSong

I just read through your thread that you linked in your earlier post. What an incredible journey you have had. I think you have shown incredible courage and resilience. I wish you well in your next 200 days and I hope you will keep posting your thoughts as I am sure they will inspire many here at SR.

Finalround

Congrats on the quiet 200. I'm looking forward to the days that not drinking is just who I am. No more cravings, no more questions, no more. But I must never forget that I am still an alcoholic. (Reason for this last relapse)

Lascaux

Congratulations on 200, and hopes for many more! Your posts have been wonderful and your generosity in sharing so honestly is amazing. It's a true lifeline for those like me who don't have a lot of support otherwise.
Best wishes on your milestone, man!

Dee74

Congrats on 200

Intrinsically, I'm not really one for sharing my achievements - but others have told me that it might help others see whats possible if I do just that -so thanks for sharing yours Chris

D

lessgravity

Awesome stuff man, congrats. Steel up and keep it moving though - you have to be ready should time, circumstance or the demon come knocking. For now though, plenty to be grateful for and proud of.