Family Anxiety
01-14-2019
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,217
Family Anxiety
I had to go to a 60th party last night. I didn't want to go, but I did it out of obligation. There were some family I've written off there, some who are super nice who drove 5 hours to get there.
I did not have a desire to drink and even in my drinking days, I avoided doing it around family or sipped until I could get home and chug the vodka.
I was agitated. I lost my job 2 years ago passing out instead of making a work from home at 10pm-2am weekend meeting. I have been in beginner jobs since. I found out I was making 100% less pay than my male coworker and others were forgiven for missing that while I was out the door - no warnings. I get told to be mad, I was treated unfair.
Here's how I feel: I did it to myself. I'm not proud, and while I haven't missed work in my new role - I'm not proud nor do I feel secure.
My family likes to talk about work and vacations. I can't go on vacation at this point. I'm embarrassed at my work situation. Again, agitated.
My brother got all pissed off about saying I don't have a relationship with my Grandfather - well that's true. He did this while on Kolonpin and drinking beers. He has once quit drinking after he almost died in his DUI for 5 years, but is back on the drinks.
I just felt like how dare you! Anyways, I left early.... really early. I'm upset I can't seem to handle family functions sober or drunk.
The same job/vacation questions are coming up for Next week's friends St. Patty's party. I already am skipping that.
Ultimately I'm annoyed/mad at myself for not being able to just enjoy the moment (I guess). When people ask how I'm doing, I want to say, ruined my life with booze, job sucks, no vacations - but yea, I doubt that's gonna go over well.
I'm just venting here, I guess. No easy answers. I will have 2 months next Wed. I'm thankful for that.
I did not have a desire to drink and even in my drinking days, I avoided doing it around family or sipped until I could get home and chug the vodka.
I was agitated. I lost my job 2 years ago passing out instead of making a work from home at 10pm-2am weekend meeting. I have been in beginner jobs since. I found out I was making 100% less pay than my male coworker and others were forgiven for missing that while I was out the door - no warnings. I get told to be mad, I was treated unfair.
Here's how I feel: I did it to myself. I'm not proud, and while I haven't missed work in my new role - I'm not proud nor do I feel secure.
My family likes to talk about work and vacations. I can't go on vacation at this point. I'm embarrassed at my work situation. Again, agitated.
My brother got all pissed off about saying I don't have a relationship with my Grandfather - well that's true. He did this while on Kolonpin and drinking beers. He has once quit drinking after he almost died in his DUI for 5 years, but is back on the drinks.
I just felt like how dare you! Anyways, I left early.... really early. I'm upset I can't seem to handle family functions sober or drunk.
The same job/vacation questions are coming up for Next week's friends St. Patty's party. I already am skipping that.
Ultimately I'm annoyed/mad at myself for not being able to just enjoy the moment (I guess). When people ask how I'm doing, I want to say, ruined my life with booze, job sucks, no vacations - but yea, I doubt that's gonna go over well.
I'm just venting here, I guess. No easy answers. I will have 2 months next Wed. I'm thankful for that.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 424
I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. So glad you are done drinking and congrats on 2 months. I almost posted a very similar post last night.
I attended a family dinner last night myself—celebration for my Moms 75th birthday. I have two brothers who both still drink but have been money focused their entire life. One I see on a limited basis because he’s so busy working all the time, when it’s convenient for him he will stop by to visit with his kiddos. The other I hadn’t talked to in 20 years, and even though I was calm at dinner—I totally understand why we haven’t spoken. Everything was superficially cordial for my moms celebration—eerily reminiscent of my childhood—looked good on the surface, but an absolute mess if you looked closer.
I sat there feeling so “less than” while trying to enjoy the moment. We don’t have lots of money, don’t go on lavish vacations, etc. I’ve definitely moved past some of my feelings from my past in regards to my siblings. Sadly, when I am forced to see them, those feelings resurface. I guess that’s why I try to have limited contact with them.
You are not alone, things will get better—that’s what I’m hoping.
I attended a family dinner last night myself—celebration for my Moms 75th birthday. I have two brothers who both still drink but have been money focused their entire life. One I see on a limited basis because he’s so busy working all the time, when it’s convenient for him he will stop by to visit with his kiddos. The other I hadn’t talked to in 20 years, and even though I was calm at dinner—I totally understand why we haven’t spoken. Everything was superficially cordial for my moms celebration—eerily reminiscent of my childhood—looked good on the surface, but an absolute mess if you looked closer.
I sat there feeling so “less than” while trying to enjoy the moment. We don’t have lots of money, don’t go on lavish vacations, etc. I’ve definitely moved past some of my feelings from my past in regards to my siblings. Sadly, when I am forced to see them, those feelings resurface. I guess that’s why I try to have limited contact with them.
You are not alone, things will get better—that’s what I’m hoping.
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
http://www.al-anon.org/
We get to choose what's best/healthy/supportive in our lives.
Dysfunctional relationships can find recovery, too.
We get to choose what's best/healthy/supportive in our lives.
Dysfunctional relationships can find recovery, too.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,645
Originally Posted by tornrealization 
I had to go to a 60th party last night. I didn't want to go, but I did it out of obligation. There were some family I've written off there, some who are super nice who drove 5 hours to get there.
I did not have a desire to drink and even in my drinking days, I avoided doing it around family or sipped until I could get home and chug the vodka.
I was agitated. I lost my job 2 years ago passing out instead of making a work from home at 10pm-2am weekend meeting. I have been in beginner jobs since. I found out I was making 100% less pay than my male coworker and others were forgiven for missing that while I was out the door - no warnings. I get told to be mad, I was treated unfair.
Here's how I feel: I did it to myself. I'm not proud, and while I haven't missed work in my new role - I'm not proud nor do I feel secure.
My family likes to talk about work and vacations. I can't go on vacation at this point. I'm embarrassed at my work situation. Again, agitated.
My brother got all pissed off about saying I don't have a relationship with my Grandfather - well that's true. He did this while on Kolonpin and drinking beers. He has once quit drinking after he almost died in his DUI for 5 years, but is back on the drinks.
I just felt like how dare you! Anyways, I left early.... really early. I'm upset I can't seem to handle family functions sober or drunk.
The same job/vacation questions are coming up for Next week's friends St. Patty's party. I already am skipping that.
Ultimately I'm annoyed/mad at myself for not being able to just enjoy the moment (I guess). When people ask how I'm doing, I want to say, ruined my life with booze, job sucks, no vacations - but yea, I doubt that's gonna go over well.
I'm just venting here, I guess. No easy answers. I will have 2 months next Wed. I'm thankful for that.
I did not have a desire to drink and even in my drinking days, I avoided doing it around family or sipped until I could get home and chug the vodka.
I was agitated. I lost my job 2 years ago passing out instead of making a work from home at 10pm-2am weekend meeting. I have been in beginner jobs since. I found out I was making 100% less pay than my male coworker and others were forgiven for missing that while I was out the door - no warnings. I get told to be mad, I was treated unfair.
Here's how I feel: I did it to myself. I'm not proud, and while I haven't missed work in my new role - I'm not proud nor do I feel secure.
My family likes to talk about work and vacations. I can't go on vacation at this point. I'm embarrassed at my work situation. Again, agitated.
My brother got all pissed off about saying I don't have a relationship with my Grandfather - well that's true. He did this while on Kolonpin and drinking beers. He has once quit drinking after he almost died in his DUI for 5 years, but is back on the drinks.
I just felt like how dare you! Anyways, I left early.... really early. I'm upset I can't seem to handle family functions sober or drunk.
The same job/vacation questions are coming up for Next week's friends St. Patty's party. I already am skipping that.
Ultimately I'm annoyed/mad at myself for not being able to just enjoy the moment (I guess). When people ask how I'm doing, I want to say, ruined my life with booze, job sucks, no vacations - but yea, I doubt that's gonna go over well.
I'm just venting here, I guess. No easy answers. I will have 2 months next Wed. I'm thankful for that.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,645
And you're me.
I have my Master's degree in mechanical engineering and work as an HVAC maintenance guy / installer. I ****** up my career by showing up to work hungover every day or leaving work to go have a few. Alcoholism doesn't define you. Fight it. Fight it with every ounce of your being. When you get that urge to check out, post here or go to a meeting. Your life depends on it.
I have my Master's degree in mechanical engineering and work as an HVAC maintenance guy / installer. I ****** up my career by showing up to work hungover every day or leaving work to go have a few. Alcoholism doesn't define you. Fight it. Fight it with every ounce of your being. When you get that urge to check out, post here or go to a meeting. Your life depends on it.
01-14-2019
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,217
Originally Posted by Suzieq17
but have been money focused their entire life.
Suzieq17 - I do believe as we all know, getting sober is one piece of the pie. Hopefully we can navigate through the family stuff too.
ThatWasTheOldMe - I'm guessing you read some of my old posts, but yea. Getting over the time lost being hung over, drunk, unmotivated to take care of the career also has been bad.
Right now I just work on not drinking and the little things that are instant - like doing laundry and not letting it go months cause "there's always tomorrow!" Sounds like me quitting "there's always tomorrow!" Toxic words.
Thanks for sharing guys.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Torn,
I was just plain lucky I didn't destroy myself several times while being a drunk. I usually did pretty good, but that was leading to a stroke. I was routinely legally drunk while driving. I just wasn't in a black out.
I relate to your family feelings. My situation is similar in a lot of ways.
I vote vent away and stay clean. I work out now and that is pretty much my ace in the hole.
Health is wealth.
Thanks.
I was just plain lucky I didn't destroy myself several times while being a drunk. I usually did pretty good, but that was leading to a stroke. I was routinely legally drunk while driving. I just wasn't in a black out.
I relate to your family feelings. My situation is similar in a lot of ways.
I vote vent away and stay clean. I work out now and that is pretty much my ace in the hole.
Health is wealth.
Thanks.
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