JamesSquire

Didn't want to hijack another Thread, so I thought I'd start this one.


"I couldn't do the whole "surrender to a higher power" thing, which is why I stopped using 12 Step."


This comment rings true for me too.

Yesterday I spent some confused time thinking about the surrender.
1. I could surrender to the thought that I can't beat this and just live it out, lose everything that's precious to me and die.
2. I could surrender to the thought that I can't drink like a normal person and no more alcohol in my life

Obviously Choice 2 is preferable.

Have I got this right or is there more to it?

columbus

For me it's more than just about drinking or not.

It's surrender to the eternal life-force, a surrender to life itself.

The not-drinking, for me, is a Result (and therefore free).

Which doesn't actually address your question, I know,
but perhaps broaden your horizons to include more?

lessgravity

No retreat, no surrender here. I don't understand this concept myself. Acceptance is one thing, accepting that I have a horrifyingly problematic relationship with alcohol. Accepting the fact that I can never drink again. But surrender? No thanks.

MIRecovery

Surrender is just join the winning side. If you do what millions have done to stay sober you likely will stay sober. If you insist on doing it your way things don’t look as good.

360shoes

I got some personal surrendering going but when it comes to alcohol I just see it as I am powerless over how alcohol works. I can't change the chemical properties of it. It is what it is. If I drink it. I drink too much of it way too often. And considering that's been the case for most of my life I would be a village idiot not to see that pattern. So yah. I surrendered to that fact.
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I never had a problem with any steps. Last time I checked it just said powerless over alcohol. Not powerless over everything.

I am okay with working what works for me and leaving what doesn't to others. And I have found a great peace in surrendering to how alcohol wins over me when I drink. I can coexist with it in the world. I just called uncle when I drank it.

You sound like you are finding a way for it to work for you.

WeThinkNot

Surrender for me simply means not letting your ego get in the way. The ego is probably our biggest enemy when it comes to recovery.

Once I checked my ego at the door and admitted that I was powerless over alcohol it enabled me to come to grips with some things in my past that I was too proud to admit even to myself. I found freedom in surrender.

MindfulMan

The surrendering to a higher power was also impossible for me, which is why I stopped 12 Step. I used other methods.

As I've mentioned earlier, I absolutely did Step 1, with a slight modification.I'm powerless over alcohol and my life had become unmanageable. Yes. The odds seemed pretty high that if I took that first drink, I would end up back in rehab or worse.

The power I have is to NEVER take that first drink. That first drink is and never will be worth it. After living this way for almost two years I'm disgusted by even thinking about the taste and feeling of alcohol intoxication.

I did surrender to the idea that I could think my way out of this, or that I alone could get sober by force of will and strength of character. Nope. I needed others, and I needed methods. So I put the ego on hold for a few months and got sober. Once I did, I can 100% say, with certainty, that I will never drink again.

I still don't do 12 Step. I don't need it, it doesn't appeal to me. I don't do Christianity either.

You don't have to do anything. You just need to stop, AND DO WHATEVER IT TAKES to stop and stay stopped. If it's AA, even for awhile, then it's AA. If it's sober recovery, then it's sober recovery. If it's rehab (or a second rehab), then it's rehab. If it's outpatient treatment, then it's outpatient treatment. If it's AVRT, it's AVRT. If it's psychiatry, it's psychiatry. If it's therapy, it's therapy. I'm sure I've left out a buttload of possible sobriety options, but I think you get my drift.

Realize that you can never drink normally, normal drinking ain't even all that compared to your life, and take whatever steps there are to get there. Yes, surrender the idea that you'll be able to have a toast at a wedding, at least with alcohol. Surrender to help. Surrender to a higher power or God if that's your bag.

It's a pretty simple formula once you wrap your head around it. Don't complicate matters. It's starts with you not lifting a glass to your lips, and ends when you decide that you will never do so again.

Many here have done that. It's not impossible. It's no mystery.

Stop thinking and start doing.

AnvilheadII

we are surrendering to the notion that we have met our match when it comes to alcohol (or other drugs). we can't outthink it, outwit it, outmaster it. our bodies simply cannot process any amount at any time, ever. we are "asked" to give up this one thing....ONE thing.

it is that simple. not easy but simple. no more alcohol ever. and all else becomes possible.

ScottFromWI

For me, the reality is that I cannot drink alcohol without consequence. It’s a fact that was proven by my own experience and seeing others have similar experiences. Whether I want to accept that fact or surrender to that reality, or whatever other term you want to use really doesn’t matter to me so much. I simply am that way.

JamesSquire

I know I'm thinking again but I wonder if the thinking is AV's way of getting me to procrastinate rather than take the bull by the horns. I haven't been drinking the last week but finding it a fight every moment of the day

Thanks for the replies, I'm trying to process them to suit me

Dee74

I wrote this a few weeks ago

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...surrender.html (A Different Way of Looking at Surrender?)

It seems to be largely a male struggle with the idea of surrender, which is why I usually use acceptance because it means much the same to me.

We're in a toxic relationship with alcohol. when other people leave toxic relationships we don't say 'Oh I see you surrendered' we say 'I'm glad you left...good for you'...or even 'more power to you'

I think we should look at 'surrender' in a recovery context in the same way.

Lay the linguistic and cultural baggage aside if you can.

D

Dee74

reading and thinking is awesome - but yeah thinking without action following it cn be pretty much the AV playing for time, hoping you'll met an opportunity to drink before you get a good plan in place..

stripped to the wire, a plan is simply other options, support, and other things to do when the drinking thought, craving or opportunity pops up.

Ayers

I quit because I realised I had already surrendered - and I had to take back my power.

My life was unbearable because I had surrendered it to alcohol.

And I have now surrendered to that knowledge - that I allowed my power to be taken away from me.

I'm at the wheel now, I am in the driver's seat and I will fight like hell not to surrender again.

JamesSquire

This is what started to make me think about surrender

JamesSquire

Ayers, that is such a profound way to look at it. I'm going to write it down.

Dee74

lol can't hurt to post it again
Ayers concept is pretty good too.

D