snitch

100% this.

Midwest1981

Nichole-

I am glad you are feeling better this morning. My first summer sober I went to a 4th of July party...it was so awkward for me I came home early. It is okay to say no to those parties until your comfortable being around other people drinking. Maybe even suggest doing something different with your husband this summer. Like hiking or biking etc. .

xxxNICHOLExxx

Thanks everyone for the love and support!!!
Outside help is definitely something I think would be useful there is just a slight problem my husband doesn’t support me getting sober as he told me there isn’t a such thing as alcoholics which I’m 100% sure that’s definitely a lie!!! I try to ignore him when it comes to drinking I think me getting sober makes him feel insecure about his drinking and his flaws!!! I was where he was at total denial about my problem I can admit I’m weak to alcohol and lose complete control!!

ReadyAtLast

I'm sorry to hear your husband doesn't support you. You can still get outside help though

MLD51

You don't need your husband's approval to get help. Explain to him why you want to do this. And then do it. As for him not believing there's such a thing as alcoholism, he's just wrong. Or in denial. My guess is denial. If your whole life and social activities revolves around drinking with him, he will likely feel very threatened and scared of the idea of you quitting. He might be afraid you will want him to quit, too. But if you really want this for yourself, you can do it. Get help. Do your thing.

Giggler4life

I agree with what a lot of people are saying, get some outside help. I remember the anxiety and I can tell you first hand, it doesn't have to be as bad as it is. There are lots of options to make it much easier.

I'm sorry you're struggling with your husband, but I think you hit the nail right on the head. Your sobriety threatens his lifestyle and that makes him insecure. Stay strong, you got this.

Canuck76

Nichole, I know exactly how you feel, addiction is not a choice really. The brain does change and we seek to just 'feel better'. I am struggling to with the 'aftermath' of trying to heal. Just don't stop trying.

tealily

Hi Nichole,
So glad you made it through that rough day. Every time you do, you will get stronger. It seems impossible (because that's what the addiction is telling you) but it's not. It's hard, but things worth doing can be hard. And it truly does get easier.

Cravings are fleeting. They won't be part of you forever, honestly. Go to bed, and when you wake up, you won't regret not drinking.

Something about your post above caught my attention. I too was in that mindset where alcohol seemed to be "necessary" for fun, for normal life. It became, in a way, my main hobby and activity. I realized I did not want to look back at my life and realize --drinking-- was what I did with it. In effect, that is what happens when alcohol comes first. I imagined an obituary, "she spent her weeks buying and drinking and recovering from alcohol. she and her husband bonded over alcohol. they used to travel and hike and explore the world, do art, be creative, be good friends, be involved in their community, make a difference, enjoy mornings, slept soundly... but they decided to focus instead on drinking, and became excellent at it and not much else."

You are writing your life story now.. and you get to choose what to do with it. I decided I had given too much power and primacy to a beverage.

Trying to moderate didn't work. Only just getting it out of my life did.

And wow is life so much better.

You can do it too! Whether your husband does or not, YOU can make your life better.



Hang in there.. it WILL get easier.

TheWayBack

So, I'm new at this stuff and not an expert by any means. The cravings suck. But for me, they became occasional and much milder after the first couple of weeks. The first week or two they were intense, so I completely understand how you feel. But hang in there because it should get easier as far as craving are concerned. I'd suggest just stocking up on food and just eating until you are full when you get a bad craving. That made them mostly go away for me.

DriGuy

It's been over 20 years since I've had cravings, but this thread has got me thinking about them again, just thinking about them, not having them. But what a wild ride that was during the first few days, craving, craving, sitting there with my thoughts focused on going to the liquor store. Nothing else mattered. I didn't want to take a walk or do anything else. I just wanted to sit and think about how much I wanted to drink. It was non-stop and all consuming.

In retrospect, I probably should have gone for a walk, but something kept telling me, "No, no! You have to sit here and think about how much you want to drink; It's important!"

This kind of obsession, even though it is not forever, is nuts. Spend your life doing this, and you would most likely end up in a ward of some asylum. In retrospect, it seems like temporary insanity. It's astounding to think a chemical substance did that to me.

The cravings were the big hurdle for me. Alcoholics often talk about a thing they call recovery. That may be working the steps or rearranging your life, pursuing personal growth and finding out how to be a better person, which is really all I wanted to do before alcohol started taking over my life.

What I call recovery is simply learning to live without alcohol, to stomp out the fires of craving permanently, so that I never have to endure the insanity again. After the insane cravings, it goes on for a year or two as you learn to avoid the pitfalls and recognize your AV playing head games.

I was spooked a couple of times thinking maybe I could drink normally now, but mostly it was fun as I felt my strength, confidence, and self pride grow. I will concede that getting past the cravings might be but a small part for others, but it was of monumental importance for me.

Learning growth and living life is important too (what I think others call "recovery"), but I see this as a separate issue. It's central to my philosophy, but related to my alcoholism only because alcohol has a crippling effect on it. I was doing it before I started drinking. It's like I was in a coma, but now I'm awake again.

xxxNICHOLExxx

Driguy
yes those cravings suck and I definitely at times go to a place where it feels like my skin is crawling I become obsessed my anxiety goes crazy and my only focus is how to stop everything and become numb then I keep chasing the drinks just to keep feeding the addiction for me the next thing I know is I woke up thinking s**t I passed out and I hate to admit I’ve passed out with a bottle in my hand or I wake up not remembering anything.... I completely hate the drinking cycle to many times I’ve started drinking at 8am or stay up til 4am just wasting my life!!! Im starting to realize how grateful sobriety really is and how bad my problem has become to many times I’ve thought and tried moderation just to fall on my face again so moderation is out the picture it’s odd because I know I drink to get drunk but that AV at that moment tells you just one or two and you will be fine no more listing to that if I can get past these cravings I think I would be able to do anything!!
I also want to thank everyone for there post as it helps me stay sober and think what possibilities I can take to stay sober!!

Hawkeye13

Not just the wonderful possibilities for you, but also being able to be fully present as a mother for your kids.

It's a win-win.

DriGuy

Yes, just a week or two of "numbness" would have been a great comfort.

August252015

I have to chime in based on my experience- and to clarify different meds because so often they are confused with each other.

Antabuse is the drug intended to prevent you from drinking because of the up-to-including fatal side effects. Not to impact cravings. It is a serious drug and I took it under close supervision by my psych- she has some patients come into the office for a daily dose, but as that was not feasible for me, I kept a sheaf of papers and noted date/time/had a witness sign every day for 90 days. It was just ONE tool - it does not cure alcoholism nor contribute to recovery; it is a tool for staying sober.

Drugs like campral and naltrexone are intended for cravings, to sum them up in very short order. I took both at one point- while still drinking- and did not have the "impact" some report in lessening the amount etc that they want to drink (or do drink).

Again, this is my experience and I cannot stress enough that drugs are not the cure for alcoholism. They can be a good supporting- and IME, temporary- tool in addition to active recovery work.

A, PSA over.

Also - Nichole, how is it going?

xxxNICHOLExxx

I’m trying my best to hang in there I’m stress out few Things going on and I have a funeral to attend to in couple hours I know drinking won’t help it’s not going to cure my issues at the moment or bring them back so taking these raw emotions and trying my best to figure out how to deal with them with out numbing them with alcohol

Dee74

stay with us Nichole. You'll be glad you did.

I'm sorry for your loss.

D

August252015

I'm sorry for your loss, Nichole. Let us know how you are later today - we know how hard it is to start doing stuff sober (especially the really un-fun stuff in life). Hugs.

DriGuy

Not drinking in the face of common triggers gave me a lot of confidence and self pride. Each time you do it you get stronger. Each time you give in leads you back to square one. I would hesitate to call going backwards recovery.

Dee74

Hows the day going Nichole?

D

xxxNICHOLExxx

Pretty rough I’m starting to obsess over drinking it’s just stuck in the back of my head