I’m back because I relapsed yesterday :(
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: London, England
Posts: 123
I’m back because I relapsed yesterday :(
So yesterday I relapsed, I think I knew it was coming after several red flags I’ve ignored over the past few weeks and yesterday it finally happend. 3 years of sobriety gone just like that! I’ve been struggling abit recently I guess and needed to escape reality. It was artificial relief but I felt free and warm and so so good. I didn’t stop at one drink, I must of had about 10 pints throughout the day, along with vodka , and cider, I just wanted to get as wasted as I possibly could, and I felt like my old self again, I knew what I was doing was wrong but I didn’t care, I was finally free again. Fast forward to today , my skin is crawling , I have the shakes , immense paranoia and anxiety sat in my lounge typing this post. How have I ended up back here again? I was doing so well. I feel completely demoralised, my motivation for life has all but gone and I feel like I don’t want to carry on. Alcohol is still destroying my life and I don’t know if I have the strength to beat it this time. I don’t feel guilty or remorseful about this relapse just sat here thinking how did such a keen healthy happy sportsman from a young age change so much over the years to become an alcoholic? I shouldn’t be in this position, life hasn’t turned out the way it was meant to, or the way I thought it would. I feel completely souless , I don’t know how to pick myself back up ...
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
I understand exactly how you feel as had 3.5 years then picked up again. I should have stopped then and got back on the sober train but I drank again a few weeks later, then a couple of weeks and on and on. It didn't take long till I was back drinking every night.
You haven't lost all that time. You still have it. Step up your plan, do something else, something different and get back to it. It's natural you feel so lousy today but please dont' let that put you off getting back to your sober life
Reading threads from people who have long period of sobriety who then picked up again and have now gone on to be sober again really help me. It can be done.
You haven't lost all that time. You still have it. Step up your plan, do something else, something different and get back to it. It's natural you feel so lousy today but please dont' let that put you off getting back to your sober life
Reading threads from people who have long period of sobriety who then picked up again and have now gone on to be sober again really help me. It can be done.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 453
Sorry you're struggling.
I hope you'll just start over again. Maybe figure out what you could have done differently and change things up again?
This can be the last time you have to go through this. You can do it. Just take it a day at a time right now.
But please don't beat yourself up. You're not the first person to relapse and you won't be the last. Get through today and start again. Be good to yourself.
Kind wishes to you.
I hope you'll just start over again. Maybe figure out what you could have done differently and change things up again?
This can be the last time you have to go through this. You can do it. Just take it a day at a time right now.
But please don't beat yourself up. You're not the first person to relapse and you won't be the last. Get through today and start again. Be good to yourself.
Kind wishes to you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 54
James90
James90, thank you for sharing your struggles and I am thinking of you. Your words echo how I have felt many times through out my life....please don’t beat yourself up. We are all in this together and I know it is hard to always believe you are not alone.
You had 3 years and a relapse is not a failure....please take care of yourself, live in the moment and try to take a moment to do something different today.
Thoughts from my morning walk:
This morning the sun is shining
the pale blue sky peaks out
amongst the floating clouds
the trees dance with the soft cool breeze
Stay well, Lena
You had 3 years and a relapse is not a failure....please take care of yourself, live in the moment and try to take a moment to do something different today.
Thoughts from my morning walk:
This morning the sun is shining
the pale blue sky peaks out
amongst the floating clouds
the trees dance with the soft cool breeze
Stay well, Lena
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
Sorry for your relapse.
You didn't get back to your old self, you got back to your drinking self. And that's not really you. The sober you is the real you.
You had three good years. You can do it again. Just remember how you feel now and realize you never have to feel this way again.
I was a chronic relapser, so I know what it's like.
Demoralizing. But don't let it get you down.
I hope you can climb back on the sober wagon. I really do.
Best to you.
You didn't get back to your old self, you got back to your drinking self. And that's not really you. The sober you is the real you.
You had three good years. You can do it again. Just remember how you feel now and realize you never have to feel this way again.
I was a chronic relapser, so I know what it's like.
Demoralizing. But don't let it get you down.
I hope you can climb back on the sober wagon. I really do.
Best to you.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 1,068
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,036
Hi James,
I'm sorry you drank yesterday, but you are right back here today, and that's a good place today. You didn't lose all you learned the past three years. You shared you felt this coming on, did something in your recovery plan change? Spend some time reflecting on what you may have stopped doing, and/or what you might want to add into your plan.
I have a little over three years sober and I still read and post here daily,it really helps. Why don't you join us in the 24 hour thread. Checking in every day helps, and you'll find a very supportive community.
You can do this James, I'm glad you are back!!
I'm sorry you drank yesterday, but you are right back here today, and that's a good place today. You didn't lose all you learned the past three years. You shared you felt this coming on, did something in your recovery plan change? Spend some time reflecting on what you may have stopped doing, and/or what you might want to add into your plan.
I have a little over three years sober and I still read and post here daily,it really helps. Why don't you join us in the 24 hour thread. Checking in every day helps, and you'll find a very supportive community.
You can do this James, I'm glad you are back!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 2,406
Your sober time isn’t wasted. You just need to get sober again and to change your recovery program/strategy.
There’s a far better life available as a recovered alcoholic and although it seems pretty hopeless atm there is great hope and at least now you have learned again that chemicals are simply not a solution.
There’s a far better life available as a recovered alcoholic and although it seems pretty hopeless atm there is great hope and at least now you have learned again that chemicals are simply not a solution.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
James - I'm sorry for the pain you're feeling now. Sometimes we have to prove to ourselves how miserable we feel when we pick up again. It's never going to be the fun vacation from reality that we think it will. Use the misery to your advantage - remember how you feel right now. You will rise above this & have a new start. Let's get free.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,234
Im sorry to read of your relapse.
It reminds me that I could have been you
many yrs ago. However, what has allowed
me to remain sober for 28 yrs. with continuous
sobriety and recovery, is to use and incorporate
the knowledge that was taught to me In my
28 day rehab stay with a 6 week outpatient
aftercare program attached.
I could have easily returned home and went
straight back to the insanity that came with
my addiction and drinking alcohol. However....
I chose to do whatever it took to not go back
to drinking as if my life depended on it. I didn't
want to loose my family, home and all that life
allows us to enjoy, appreciate and be grateful
for.
I did the footwork presented to me, suggestions
freely passed on to me, followed and incorporated
a guideline of recovery each day I remained sober.
I come here each and everyday reading about
folks returning to alcohol, slipping, relapsing
using all sorts of excuses of why they did it. I
could have done that too yrs ago or even today
if I chose to.
However, I use what I read and hear from others
going back out to remind me each day that alcohol
hasn't changed and it is still alive and well taking
folks out left and right.
Thank you for helping me remain sober
one more day and realizing that to take
a drink of alcohol no matter how much
time one has, it's gonna be worse than it
ever was before. Much worse to where
folks have died of alcohol poisoning because
they could never reach that satisfaction
of having enough alcohol in their system.
Enough is never enough. There will never
be enough alcohol in this world to satisfy
my addiction or cravings for it. That is complete
sickness in mind, body and soul.
Knowing what I know today, I would not
give up my sobriety no matter how difficult
life can be sometimes.
It reminds me that I could have been you
many yrs ago. However, what has allowed
me to remain sober for 28 yrs. with continuous
sobriety and recovery, is to use and incorporate
the knowledge that was taught to me In my
28 day rehab stay with a 6 week outpatient
aftercare program attached.
I could have easily returned home and went
straight back to the insanity that came with
my addiction and drinking alcohol. However....
I chose to do whatever it took to not go back
to drinking as if my life depended on it. I didn't
want to loose my family, home and all that life
allows us to enjoy, appreciate and be grateful
for.
I did the footwork presented to me, suggestions
freely passed on to me, followed and incorporated
a guideline of recovery each day I remained sober.
I come here each and everyday reading about
folks returning to alcohol, slipping, relapsing
using all sorts of excuses of why they did it. I
could have done that too yrs ago or even today
if I chose to.
However, I use what I read and hear from others
going back out to remind me each day that alcohol
hasn't changed and it is still alive and well taking
folks out left and right.
Thank you for helping me remain sober
one more day and realizing that to take
a drink of alcohol no matter how much
time one has, it's gonna be worse than it
ever was before. Much worse to where
folks have died of alcohol poisoning because
they could never reach that satisfaction
of having enough alcohol in their system.
Enough is never enough. There will never
be enough alcohol in this world to satisfy
my addiction or cravings for it. That is complete
sickness in mind, body and soul.
Knowing what I know today, I would not
give up my sobriety no matter how difficult
life can be sometimes.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,369
Hi James
half the battle is getting back here.
Already I see your inner addict is sowing self doubt despair and hopelessness gearing up for what it hopes is a long relapse.
Phooey to that
You do what you did last time - and if you need more this time , you add more things to your toolbox.
Make this a blip not a crash and burn James
D
half the battle is getting back here.
Already I see your inner addict is sowing self doubt despair and hopelessness gearing up for what it hopes is a long relapse.
Phooey to that
You do what you did last time - and if you need more this time , you add more things to your toolbox.
Make this a blip not a crash and burn James
D
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
James, try to take a step back and re-group. I'm sorry you relapsed and are feeling miserable. But, you had 3 years of recovery and you can get back to it again. Use this as a valuable learning experience and move on.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Derbyshire Dales, UK.
Posts: 2,618
Hi James. Your post has really made me think - I'm just over two years and lately even though I haven't been tempted to drink, I've been lazy about signing in to SR. It's been a wake up call and made me think, so many thanks for posting.
As others have said, you haven't lost all you learned and gained in the 3 years - be kind to yourself and just get back on track - you can do this and again, thank you for posting - has sure made me evaluate things.
Hugs to you Xx
As others have said, you haven't lost all you learned and gained in the 3 years - be kind to yourself and just get back on track - you can do this and again, thank you for posting - has sure made me evaluate things.
Hugs to you Xx
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: here, now.
Posts: 1,236
Oh, no.
Pull yourself together, go back to basics, start doing the things you stopped doing that led you here.
You know it’s a problem, you aren’t deluded, and you knew it was coming. It wasn’t something that happened to you, it was something you did. You can’t undo it, but like Dee said, you can make it a blip instead of a full fledged relapse. That takes putting rubber to the road and going back to one day at a time, and the rest of whatever your plan was that worked three years ago.
You can do it, and you should do it now instead of later. As we all know, later may never come. So chin up, take a shower, hydrate, do something healthy for yourself and put your plan in motion.
Will be thinking of you.
-b
Pull yourself together, go back to basics, start doing the things you stopped doing that led you here.
You know it’s a problem, you aren’t deluded, and you knew it was coming. It wasn’t something that happened to you, it was something you did. You can’t undo it, but like Dee said, you can make it a blip instead of a full fledged relapse. That takes putting rubber to the road and going back to one day at a time, and the rest of whatever your plan was that worked three years ago.
You can do it, and you should do it now instead of later. As we all know, later may never come. So chin up, take a shower, hydrate, do something healthy for yourself and put your plan in motion.
Will be thinking of you.
-b
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: London, England
Posts: 123
quick update ...
Had to stay off work today as I have severe withdrawals and genuinely feel pretty ill. Had completely forgotten how bad this feeling as! Thanks for the kind words , after I get through and start to feel normal again hopefully I can start a new recovery plan.
Had to stay off work today as I have severe withdrawals and genuinely feel pretty ill. Had completely forgotten how bad this feeling as! Thanks for the kind words , after I get through and start to feel normal again hopefully I can start a new recovery plan.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 62
Thank you so much for sharing James. I’ve been 9 days after two relapses, and posts like this show, that no matter how long you’ve been clean, the illness is always there, and that we have to keep at it.
I totally agree with what people have been saying. When I relapsed I felt so guilty and remorseful, but now back on, although starting again, I’m starting to see the benefits already. No one judged me at all, and that’s one of the most amazing things I find in the support we have as alcoholics. I’m determined this time to get this, and I hope you are too. Best of luck, and don’t let this one blip allow the addiction to win!
I totally agree with what people have been saying. When I relapsed I felt so guilty and remorseful, but now back on, although starting again, I’m starting to see the benefits already. No one judged me at all, and that’s one of the most amazing things I find in the support we have as alcoholics. I’m determined this time to get this, and I hope you are too. Best of luck, and don’t let this one blip allow the addiction to win!
Last edited by Meddles; 03-04-2019 at 02:00 AM. Reason: Typos
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: New York, New York
Posts: 600
Your post made me well up with tears. But as you know from your 3 years you gave your liver a much needed rest. Each sober day forward you can keep that going. You’ve shown you can do it. I’m rooting for you buddy!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
