Struggling.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 7,058
Struggling.
I am struggling.
Yesterday I had bad news concerning my older dog who is 18, nothing imminent but still very sad. I had nobody to share that news with or support of any kind, just me and my thoughts.
Later on I was really triggered and so wanted to numb my feelings, just to relax, forget or whatever. I felt so alone.
Anyway I thought I better get busy so started trying to fix a minor leak on my pond filter- I made it a million times worse and now need a new one. It is a difficult job to fit and I am not sure I will be able to do it but I don't have anyone to help. It needs to be done as quickly as possible else the fish will be at risk.
Need to go out and buy a filter from goodness knows where and fit it without any leaks - if it goes wrong it will trigger me even more while I am feeling so vulnerable.
So my remedy of keeping busy has made things worse. I only slept a few hours. Now I am sad, tired, lonely and craving badly.
Its such a horrible feeling to realise you really don't have anyone and it really is just you.
I am 121 days sober.
Yesterday I had bad news concerning my older dog who is 18, nothing imminent but still very sad. I had nobody to share that news with or support of any kind, just me and my thoughts.
Later on I was really triggered and so wanted to numb my feelings, just to relax, forget or whatever. I felt so alone.
Anyway I thought I better get busy so started trying to fix a minor leak on my pond filter- I made it a million times worse and now need a new one. It is a difficult job to fit and I am not sure I will be able to do it but I don't have anyone to help. It needs to be done as quickly as possible else the fish will be at risk.
Need to go out and buy a filter from goodness knows where and fit it without any leaks - if it goes wrong it will trigger me even more while I am feeling so vulnerable.
So my remedy of keeping busy has made things worse. I only slept a few hours. Now I am sad, tired, lonely and craving badly.
Its such a horrible feeling to realise you really don't have anyone and it really is just you.
I am 121 days sober.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Hi Kaily
I know its not exactly the same but you have a lot of friends here.
Feel free to share anything you want to, or need to
It took me a while to build a sober life I loved....I had to keep reminding myself I'd been drinking alcoholically for 20 years...a new life will always take a a little while to set up.
I hope with summer coming it will be easier for you to get out and maybe meet some new people
I'm sorry about your dog - i know how hard that is - but the one of the biggest regrets I have is not being there for my pets when they needed me. I should have been helping them through their last days and instead I made it all about me and how I was feeling.
I'm really glad I don't listen to the AV anymore
D
I know its not exactly the same but you have a lot of friends here.
Feel free to share anything you want to, or need to
It took me a while to build a sober life I loved....I had to keep reminding myself I'd been drinking alcoholically for 20 years...a new life will always take a a little while to set up.
I hope with summer coming it will be easier for you to get out and maybe meet some new people
I'm sorry about your dog - i know how hard that is - but the one of the biggest regrets I have is not being there for my pets when they needed me. I should have been helping them through their last days and instead I made it all about me and how I was feeling.
I'm really glad I don't listen to the AV anymore
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 635
I feel alone too. I am a dog parent too I can only imaging your pain my oldest doggie is going to be 11 i will pretty much die if anything happens to her.
but this is life the price to experience love is to lose and we all be there. take comfort in the love and care you gave your dog.
you know what they said is all about the experience, we all live life are they all great ? probably not but we can make them great.
control what you can control fix the pond give your dog the best days he can have and to do this is better if you are sober.
don't give up you are not alone i am here with you.
congrats in your sober time.
but this is life the price to experience love is to lose and we all be there. take comfort in the love and care you gave your dog.
you know what they said is all about the experience, we all live life are they all great ? probably not but we can make them great.
control what you can control fix the pond give your dog the best days he can have and to do this is better if you are sober.
don't give up you are not alone i am here with you.
congrats in your sober time.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
You're doing so well at 4 months and have come so far since you started out. Please don't drink.
We are all here for you. I know it's no irl but we do care and sometimes it helps to chat even if it is on screen.
Can you maybe ask for advice in the pet/pond shop? I'm sorry to hear about your dog too. By staying sober you will really be there for her.
Sending hugs .
RAL.x
We are all here for you. I know it's no irl but we do care and sometimes it helps to chat even if it is on screen.
Can you maybe ask for advice in the pet/pond shop? I'm sorry to hear about your dog too. By staying sober you will really be there for her.
Sending hugs .
RAL.x
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Kaily, I was thinking about you the other day and how amazed and proud of how far you have come. I remember a while ago (I guess it has been over a year or years) that you were so angry and negative and down. You have come such a long way! You are a true inspiration to me and I really mean that from the heart. Your turnaround is nothing short of amazing.
Unfortunately even in sobriety we face really difficult and annoying challenges. But we can get through them sober.
About your dog, I am so sorry for the bad news and really sorry you have no one to share it with in real life. Are there any pet meet up groups in your area where people bring their dogs to run and play? Another thing you might consider, if your dog is able to, is volunteering at a local hospital or nursing home. I remember when I was young my mom, brother and I took our dog to a nursing home each weeknight to visit the residents. It was part of a pet therapy program and the patients loved it and so did we. It might be a way to meet some people.
the fish pond. ugh. That is so frustrating when you go to fix something and then it just makes it worse. I agree with Ready, maybe visit a pet shop or fish specialty shop and get some professional help.
Whatever you do don't drink. If you drink you'll say "f off" to the pond, not take care of the dog and who knows what else.
You can do this. You are so incredibly strong.
Unfortunately even in sobriety we face really difficult and annoying challenges. But we can get through them sober.
About your dog, I am so sorry for the bad news and really sorry you have no one to share it with in real life. Are there any pet meet up groups in your area where people bring their dogs to run and play? Another thing you might consider, if your dog is able to, is volunteering at a local hospital or nursing home. I remember when I was young my mom, brother and I took our dog to a nursing home each weeknight to visit the residents. It was part of a pet therapy program and the patients loved it and so did we. It might be a way to meet some people.
the fish pond. ugh. That is so frustrating when you go to fix something and then it just makes it worse. I agree with Ready, maybe visit a pet shop or fish specialty shop and get some professional help.
Whatever you do don't drink. If you drink you'll say "f off" to the pond, not take care of the dog and who knows what else.
You can do this. You are so incredibly strong.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: New England
Posts: 1,224
Kaily, sorry to hear about your dog. It's never easy. But I echo everyone's sentiments hear. Especially Meraviglioso.
You have come such a long way. I am always encouraged to read your posts because I know how difficult it has been for you to get sober. It's not the same exactly but you have tons of friends here. even though I may not have responded to any of your posts, I have read them and feel I have been with you your entire journey. You are always so kind and encouraging to others. You are not alone.
Now, as far as the pond....I've got one too and YES, I freak out about it too when the pump stops, a leak develops, etc. I have to deal with the pond freezing over in the winters hear as well. The fish will be fine as long as their is water. You can shut the pump off for a few days until you get it fixed. It's not that much of an emergency. Take a breath. Search out a filter source and get it ordered in the next few days. Perhaps contact a handyman service to help.
Stay strong. You are not alone.
You have come such a long way. I am always encouraged to read your posts because I know how difficult it has been for you to get sober. It's not the same exactly but you have tons of friends here. even though I may not have responded to any of your posts, I have read them and feel I have been with you your entire journey. You are always so kind and encouraging to others. You are not alone.
Now, as far as the pond....I've got one too and YES, I freak out about it too when the pump stops, a leak develops, etc. I have to deal with the pond freezing over in the winters hear as well. The fish will be fine as long as their is water. You can shut the pump off for a few days until you get it fixed. It's not that much of an emergency. Take a breath. Search out a filter source and get it ordered in the next few days. Perhaps contact a handyman service to help.
Stay strong. You are not alone.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: South Africa
Posts: 1,536
Hi Kaily, thinking of you. How about going for a walk, long or short, to help clear your mind?
Like Mera said, you’ve come so far and I have also noticed how more positive your posts have become. You can get through this sober!
Like Mera said, you’ve come so far and I have also noticed how more positive your posts have become. You can get through this sober!
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Kaily! I am so glad you shared and I can't believe I hadn't seen a post of yours lately to know you have SO much sober time!! I too am so proud of you - I remember how awfully you struggled and you have come such a long way. People used to say that to me and I want you to know I truly get what it means to see someone make the changes you have, from my own experience.
Please don't drink.
Please check in with us today.
I am a dog person too and have been the drunk person dealing with tragedy and now the sober person who will be able to actually do better with my getting-older-dog's challenges. Thinking of you.
Please take care- today- and know that a LOT of us care, specifically about you.
Please don't drink.
Please check in with us today.
I am a dog person too and have been the drunk person dealing with tragedy and now the sober person who will be able to actually do better with my getting-older-dog's challenges. Thinking of you.
Please take care- today- and know that a LOT of us care, specifically about you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Right here, right now
Posts: 3,971
(((Kaily))). I hope you find some comfort in the responses here so far. I am so sorry about your dog, the trouble with the pond and what you are going through. Just know that you are not alone, and this too shall pass.
So many bad things have happened in my life, including the loss of pets, several family deaths - two from suicide, job stress, parenting and marriage stress, health crisis, etc. but no matter how bad everything was, it always passed and life got back to being good again. Life is amazing, then it’s awful, then it’s amazing again. Nothing was ever made better by drinking.
I always remember: when things go wrong, don’t go with them. Drinking makes every problem worse. You can get through this sober! We can do hard things.
We are here for you!
So many bad things have happened in my life, including the loss of pets, several family deaths - two from suicide, job stress, parenting and marriage stress, health crisis, etc. but no matter how bad everything was, it always passed and life got back to being good again. Life is amazing, then it’s awful, then it’s amazing again. Nothing was ever made better by drinking.
I always remember: when things go wrong, don’t go with them. Drinking makes every problem worse. You can get through this sober! We can do hard things.
We are here for you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 7,058
Thank you.
I was so touched by what some of you wrote - truly, bought a tear to my eye.
I am glad I posted. Still stressed but NOT drinking.
Exhausted from another fruitless attempt to sort the pond out, but as Finalround said the fish should ok for a few days. Hope so.
Thanks again everyone.
I was so touched by what some of you wrote - truly, bought a tear to my eye.
I am glad I posted
. Still stressed but NOT drinking. Exhausted from another fruitless attempt to sort the pond out, but as Finalround said the fish should ok for a few days. Hope so.
Thanks again everyone.
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,198
Sorry you are struggling Kaily. Just remember that whatever happens 18 is a fine age and testament to your good care.
Just take you time with the filters, read through the instructions/guide until you have it fixed in your mind what you have to do. Also check online for pond forums - it is amazing how many there are on any given subject no matter how obscure.
All the best Kaily.
Just take you time with the filters, read through the instructions/guide until you have it fixed in your mind what you have to do. Also check online for pond forums - it is amazing how many there are on any given subject no matter how obscure.
All the best Kaily.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 221
So sorry to hear about your dog Kaily.
I hope you don't mind but reading everyone's lovely comments on your thread about how well you are doing prompted me to go back and read some of your old posts and I can't believe how much I can relate to some of your struggles. I was drinking exactly the same amount and desperately struggling to get help being in the UK myself as well and having the exact same experience in the ER and with my GP. I was at my lowest.
You have done so amazingly well and you are not alone. I know it's not exactly the same but you have lots of support on here and it shows great strength that you posted here and shared your struggles rather than gave in to those cravings. Amazing!
I hope you don't mind but reading everyone's lovely comments on your thread about how well you are doing prompted me to go back and read some of your old posts and I can't believe how much I can relate to some of your struggles. I was drinking exactly the same amount and desperately struggling to get help being in the UK myself as well and having the exact same experience in the ER and with my GP. I was at my lowest.
You have done so amazingly well and you are not alone. I know it's not exactly the same but you have lots of support on here and it shows great strength that you posted here and shared your struggles rather than gave in to those cravings. Amazing!
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