noaddedsugar

Hi everyone! So I was posting in the class of January, checking in every now and then. To be honest I'm not the best at posting even though I check this site constantly. So I stayed sober all of January and most of February. Recently been on a little vacation/4 day mini break and bam! straight back on the booze. I dunno if it was the thought of being on vacation but it was like when we sat down to dinner I didn't even question it? Ordered wine with my meal like a reflex and just carried on doing it. Stupid really because the best times I had were through the day when we went on long beach/country walks and I was totally sober! So yeah I managed to 'moderate' on 3 nights.. few drinks and woke up feeling fine the next day then went way overboard on night 4 and woke up on Monday with a stinking hangover! My reaction to this? Come home and drink by myself to get me through said hangover. Further proof I cannot drink like a normal person.. what kind of insanity is that?? Especially knowing the situations I have gotten myself into in the past when it comes to withdrawal. I realise moderation isn't an option. I realised that anyway I dunno what I was thinking.. the vacation threw me. I need a plan next time.

So this is day 4 sober. Trying not to dwell on everything and focusing on the things I am doing differently this time. This time I have told everyone I am not drinking and I don't give a rats what they think of that.. full disclosure. I dunno if anyone recalls but I was worried about what my partner thought in the past cos we used to do a lot of drinking together. This time I am being selfish in the sense I do not care. I've informed her I'm no longer drinking. I don't care if she does (I honestly don't) She hasn't said much about it so far positive or negative. Before I was worried that people would question if it was because I have a problem when I tell them I'm sober but now I just think LET THEM. Some will judge but most won't care. My health and wellbeing come first.

Secondly I am actively focusing on my recovery. I'm an alcoholic. I might not be ready to say those words out loud yet nor may I ever be but I have accepted it. I've been reading a lot of books on recovery and my mindset is completely shifting. Alcohol is poison, it is the enemy and I'm ready to start living my life.

How did you all deal with your first sober vacation?

Suzieq17

Thx for your post, welcome back. Stay close to SR.

I’ll be interested to hear the responses—haven’t been on vacation sober yet.

Evoo

Hey, noaddedsugar.

First of all — love the handle (I am a regular of keto/paleo/Whole30 forums haha).

Second — love the attitude this time around. I’m bummed to hear you didn’t get a positive reaction from your significant other, but I totally get it. I dated a serious problem drinker for a couple years — and all we did was enable each other. When she would go dry for temporary spells, I didn’t like it (probably because it shined a spotlight on my own problem). Ultimately, that relationship didn’t pan out.

My now wife, however, has struggled with eating disorder in the past — and really understands intuitively the nature of addiction (there are *so many* parallels with alcoholism). So she’s quit drinking in solidarity with me... which means so much.

I can also relate to the first night of OK drinking, few nights of “moderating,” then a “slip” night that leads to morning and day drinking to avoid aggressive hangover symptoms. That was what did it for me this final time.

I’m so very sick of that cycle. I hate it. It’s never worth the nights where I “moderated and felt fine.” Even now I’m sure I could have a glass of wine and go bed — but my AV would go nuts, I’d convince myself I could drink again later... then more... then more... then a “rough night” and I’m back where I’m started.

Glad you’re making the decision to stop that cycle in its tracks. Keep on.

Dee74

welcome back noaddedsugar

what do you intend to add to your recovery programme this time?

D

D122y

noadd,

the automatic compulsion to drink hasn't been a problem with me for some reason.

when i sit down with friends to eat and they all order booze i immediately think, that will make me full and tired. yuk!

the physical addiction went a way pretty quick, the mental is going to be there for ever.

it is emotional and I combat it with analysis.

i don't drink anymore. i hate booze.

i love being able to confidently do everything knowing that what i am doing is 100% me and not a chemically altered version.

it is a paradigm shift and then suffering. i call it growing up. i put on my big boy pants and don't drink anymore.

being super clean is absolutely amazing. it took a long long time to feel this good and it is still getting better by the moment.

thanks.

noaddedsugar

Haha thankyou and pleased to meet you The same is quite ironic considering I have the biggest sweet tooth ever when I don't drink alcohol. It's quite the effort to curb it..

I'm so pleased you have a supportive and understanding wife. I bet that really does mean a lot to you. It's still a dilemma with me. I understand where she is coming from in the fact she is not 100% supportive because she didn't choose to get involved with a none drinker so I understand her discomfort/perhaps frustration with the not drinking. I remember even when I drank normally it made me uncomfortable being around none drinkers when I was drinking but then again maybe that speaks for my issues that were always there but just hadn't manifested yet. Maybe I was always destined to end up this way... who knows.

For example we always spend Saturday night together and tonight she made last minute plans to instead spend it at a family members house having drinks. Coincidental timing or is it because I won't be drinking? I think it's related and it's depressing spending the night in by myself just thinking is this how it's going to be? It's funny because it's normally the other way around and their other halves want them to quit. I'm feeling defeated before I even begin but I don't want to let it break me.

Yes I need to break that cycle!! I believe I will be okay for a period of time but then I'm always going to end up at that stage and for what? More damage to my body and mind.

d122y I also hope to get to that point where alcohol turns me off completely. I do feel my mentality starting to shift.

Dee as I say I am reading up more on recovery etc. I feel like the more I educate myself and practice mindfullness the better.

Dee74

Like I said to someone else today, reading is great but don't confuse that for action.

Reading can inform a plan, but it's dangerous to make it the plan itself.

There are some good recovery action plan ideas here:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)

D

noaddedsugar

Useful post thankyou!

Kaily

Hi Nas

I don't go on holidays but I have found in early sobriety I need to keep myself as safe as possible. What I mean is no big upheavals (much as anyone can) nothing too exciting. A boring balanced life for now is all I can cope with. Hopefully with long term sobriety this will change.

I realise you are younger than me so it is more difficult not to party, holiday or whatever but maybe you could take a little life break, as if recovering from an illness or convalescing to give you a firmer footing for the future.

Kindest Wishes

FeelingGreat

hi NAS, there are times when it's really pleasant to drink, if you're a normie. For us As - we have to plan ahead for times when the pressure's on, whether it's holiday, a party or after a bad day at work.

My strategy when dining out was to order a soft drink in a large glass the minute I sit down. Once you have the glass in hand it becomes much easier to keep going, especially once you have food in your stomach.

August252015

hey noaddedsugar

To respond to your specific question about what to do on holidays (vacations as we say here ) - don't go.

For a pretty long amount of time in sobriety.

I was very slow, compared to many, to do anything social beyond time with my parents at a few dinners (my mom is in recovery and my dad is a normie) - for the first 90-100 days. I slowly started adding 1-1 lunches then dinners with sober friends or normal drinkers. These were ONLY people I knew supported me and I wanted in my life.

I took my first out of town trip at 9 months, and it was with my now husband who is also in recovery.

First party - 14 mo
Wedding - 19

Holidays my first AND second year of sobriety, especially, were built on the basis of self-care and recovery care. For Tgiving that meant a family meal (mine goes out to eat) and time after only til my husband and I gave a sign to the other to leave. I didn't push myself. At Christmas and the next year's holiday round, events and people and all were planned for what was good for me, then as I was stronger, what I could do well in the care of others' needs and boundaries. It was worth the time I took to carefully consider everything I did.

You get the idea. And I built the strong AA foundation that has become the basis of my recovery, been added to by other tools unrelated to the program, and turned into the backdrop of my life here at 3 yrs and 10 days.

Glad you are here - like said above, making the SAFE choice in early sobriety, and now for me, also the safe choice which means protecting my emotional sobriety (as opposed to primarily physical) is always the best idea. I've never regretted turning down ANY invitation.

I hope you decide on a plan of action to turn that acceptance of being an alcoholic into a great life in recovery.

noaddedsugar

Thankyou for the replies!

I guess I do have to be more mindful of the situations I'm putting myself in at this early stage. I know there are a few things I'm going to have to back out of coming up.. for example I've got quite a few work gatherings due for various celebrations and I'm definitely not strong enough to face them sober at the moment. It really is insane just how much of our social lives as adults revolve around alcohol. But yeah I'm ready to be selfish and if being sober means skipping a few things for the time being I'm okay with that.

tonggau

I just didn't take a vacation until I was sure I could handle it - traveling was very associated with drinking for me. Took me 1.5 years before I took my first trip.

ReadyAtLast

Hi NAS, glad you are feeling a bit better.

Truly I think that this is because we have always been around people who drink. I have new friends now, none of whom drink. At work I tell them I don't drink. I would not be forced into going to any event where I was 'expected' to drink. It doesn't make me a better employee. i understand you may be obliged to attend works functions but when sober you'd be surprised just how many others are sober too I think when we are drinking we just assume everyone else is and to the extent we do.

Evoo

WhoDeyPI

Honestly, I cannot WAIT until my first sober vacation. Unfortunately, I don't have time to take a vacation more than once every few years, but....idk....something about it excites me. First off, I usually end up on a cruise, because it's just convenient. NOT having a $600 bar tab at the end would be epic.

I feel like my excitement got me off topic a bit...

I don't think moderation would work for any alcoholic. I'm "fortunate" enough to be one of the few that doesn't crave alcohol at all anymore. But I do know, the first taste of it, and I would be hooked and spiraling out of control drunk again. So, I stay clear.

noaddedsugar

The more I think about it the more I realise you're right. There's always one, if not a handful of people who aren't drinking at work functions either due to driving or because they have small children and you know what.. I've never even given it a second thought and no one has mentioned it because it's normal. It's obviously just because my focus in social situations has always come back to alcohol.

I have used it as a social crutch from my teenage years even so it's learning not to rely on it in that way. I do have to say after having at least a month, nearly two under my belt I do feel more confident and equipped to deal with social situations than I thought I would. I thought I would be an anxious, panicky mess and I have found a new found confidence I didn't know was lying underneath.

I'm going to Italy next month which will be the next big test. I need a plan in place for this evidently.

Dee74

Yeah you really do. You really can't start soon enough noaddedsugar.

D

MLD51

I have taken a few trips sober now, no issues, but it was over two years before I tried it. Italy might be a challenging one for me, if I ever go back. 3 trips there were all full of drinking. But new places I don't associate with drinking are no issue. I think if you are really committed to sobriety and have a lot of good tools in your toolbox, traveling shouldn't be a problem. But if you're shaky at all, reconsider even going. Like I said, it was over 2 years before I felt strong enough to do it.