Wood4trees2018

Hey SR

I was closing in on 6 months sober and everything has just got better and better. I’m almost embarrassed about seeing people who I hadn’t seen for a while saying how great I look.

Today I had a bad day, on a scale of 1 to 10 of bad probably only about a 7 but on my walk to the train home I decided I would buy 2 beers for my 20 minute train journey. No amount of talking myself out of it asking my HP would have changed that. There was a point when I had cut myself off from choice, I was going to buy beer. I told myself I’d have the beer on the train then stop, I’ve been around here long enough to know that wasn’t true.

Here is where I’m struggling.... I’ve been working on meditation and slowing my mind, I’ve been working on living in the moment and seeing all people equally and being connected, practicing gratitude thank you Least and just doing the next right thing.

2 beers on the train I had all of those things it felt just normal. Having not drunk since September last year I was thinking OMG this alcohol is amazing. Clearly 12 beers in won’t give me the same connection and 2 clearly isn’t a good stopping point for me.

I’m not planning to drink tomorrow but have read enough from this site to know that a couple of beers on the way home can lead to another 10 years of I will stop again tomorrow. Bad move on my part to buy alcohol on the way home over food.

Just a share, I know what to do. Very grateful for this site

WhoDeyPI

We have all been there. I still like hearing people say how great I look. They can keep saying it LOL.

You had your 2 beers, now man up and get back to your sobriety!

least

I relapsed over and over, until I quit for good. Try again and don't give up!

Dee74

I disagree.

My recovery is predicated on the fact that I always - always - have another choice besides drinking.

It may not be an easy choice, it will probably be a difficult and uncomfortable choice and the inner struggle will probably take longer to resolve than a decision to start drinking again.

It won't hit your addicted brains pleasure centers like those two 2 beers did either....but it's worth the effort and time, because you, the real you, not the addicted you, is worth that time and effort.

I hope that you do know what to do and you can get back on the right road now.

Whats your plan Wood4trees2018?

D

Evoo

Very good frame of mind here.

I did similar last year, I went 7 months without a drop -- then decided to have beer at my nephew's birthday party. I "moderated," but I found the experience largely disappointing. I wanted more.

I used that experience to justify more and more drinking (I did so good at that event -- so why not a drink at the bar? At dinner? Why not bring home some beer or wine?)

Not worth it.

Like you, I've also made the decision to quit drinking permanently not from rock-bottom (hit that in my 20s...), but because I find moderate drinking to be a torturous affair.

Remember though, you DO have the power to not drink. Don't trick yourself into thinking you had no choice -- you made a very conscious decision that you now regret.

ONWARD!!!

August252015

What Dee said.

Always, always a choice not to drink

fini

one of the pitfalls of living in the moment is the susceptibility to the bad idea of the moment.

August252015

^^fair point! which is why we must learn what to do when those "bad ideas" hit. Tools to use so we not drink no matter what. And- use them to stay sober no matter how hard it feels at that moment.

Kaily

Sorry you drank Wood4trees.
I can completely understand that mindset that becomes so overwhelming, especially when under stress - In fact I am in constant fear of it at only four months sober.

You made a mistake but did well to stop at 2. As you say you know what to do.

On a side note its nice to see your still around SR

WaterOx

We have all been there. It's important you are sharing. After I relapsed I didn't open up for many months...many months I spent drinking.

fini

"living in the moment" is such a double-edged thing.
if we don't, we miss the moment. we miss our life, really.
but if we live in this moment without a bigger picture...well, for me that is where the bad ideas of the moment take over.

hm. living in the moment does not equal living the moment.

in any case, the moment where the decision is made...that moment often felt to me like i was taken by the decision.

Wood4trees, how are you doing with it all today?

sva777

When i decided to quit for good in early 2015 I went almost a year before an incident very similar to what your describing. I repeated it a few more times over the next year until finally quitting for good.

The best decision was to stop thinking in terms of "will i ever drink again". Now I just accept I cant and wont ever drink again, it is a much more peaceful existence.

Wood4trees2018

So many replies thank you SR, this place is full of amazing people. I’m reading Eckhart Tolle and I’m afraid to say I really don’t get his message but it sounds good I think.

Nice to hear from you Kaily class of September very proud of you for keeping sober you have made me smile tonight.

Dee74

Reading is great but with all due respect, I think you need more of a plan than reading Eckhart Tolle

some good ideas here
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)

D