I could use a friend
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,373
I could use a friend
Hello dear SR friends,
Some of you probably remember me. I used to post here for a while before I moved from the UK to my home country.
Everything went well for a few months; I felt like I broke free from toxic relationship with my ex, I began therapy including group sessions and a psychiatrist treatment, a lot of exciting new job opportunities started popping up... I was over 3 months sober, but something happened (a minor, pathetic disappointment) that lead to a relapse, and now it feels like I’ve never even stopped drinking for a day.
New person, same old mistakes, but worse. Drunk, my first thing was to grab a scalpel and I badly cut myself, which left me in a financial ruin as I don’t have insurance in Poland... I lost my job, dropped out from my recovery group, lied terribly to my psychiatrist as to why I can no longer attend sessions, and spiralled down a path of self destruction... adding drugs and sex addiction to constant boozing.
I feel like I just can’t beat this thing. I did a
lot of horrifying, messed up things and now I’m so alone. I really want to die. I don’t really know what’s stopping me...
Thank you for listening
Snufs
Some of you probably remember me. I used to post here for a while before I moved from the UK to my home country.
Everything went well for a few months; I felt like I broke free from toxic relationship with my ex, I began therapy including group sessions and a psychiatrist treatment, a lot of exciting new job opportunities started popping up... I was over 3 months sober, but something happened (a minor, pathetic disappointment) that lead to a relapse, and now it feels like I’ve never even stopped drinking for a day.
New person, same old mistakes, but worse. Drunk, my first thing was to grab a scalpel and I badly cut myself, which left me in a financial ruin as I don’t have insurance in Poland... I lost my job, dropped out from my recovery group, lied terribly to my psychiatrist as to why I can no longer attend sessions, and spiralled down a path of self destruction... adding drugs and sex addiction to constant boozing.
I feel like I just can’t beat this thing. I did a
lot of horrifying, messed up things and now I’m so alone. I really want to die. I don’t really know what’s stopping me...
Thank you for listening
Snufs
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
I'm sorry it's been rough but I'm glad you're back 
I'm sure that a lot of people remember you Snuf and that you have tons of friend here
yeah - the geographic move thing worked for me for a while but my real problems were internal so they always resurfaced sooner or later.
Maybe this is a great opportunity to finally really get at the heart of your addiction and self harming?
what about reconnecting with your psych as a first port of call?
D
I'm sure that a lot of people remember you Snuf and that you have tons of friend here
yeah - the geographic move thing worked for me for a while but my real problems were internal so they always resurfaced sooner or later.
Maybe this is a great opportunity to finally really get at the heart of your addiction and self harming?
what about reconnecting with your psych as a first port of call?
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 25
Hi Snufkin...completely understand. You are not as alone as you feel. Funny that I am actually saying that as today I feel very similar. You are brave to post your struggles. Myself, I don't want to die....but some days I'm not sure I want to live either. I'm not sure that makes sense but hang in there...thank you for sharing..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,373
Thank you Everyone. ❤️
Dee, I should definitely start seeing my psych again, but I’m a little overwhelmed right now and my lies were so hideous it’s hard to face it huh.
Obviously I start to think, hey how about I reconnect with my ex and move back to Scotland... Sucks that I can’t run away from this eh.
Dee, I should definitely start seeing my psych again, but I’m a little overwhelmed right now and my lies were so hideous it’s hard to face it huh.
Obviously I start to think, hey how about I reconnect with my ex and move back to Scotland... Sucks that I can’t run away from this eh.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,338
Snuf,
I’m glad you back and glad for the update....
Truly sorry about your troubles.
You remind me of my daughter, who is having real REAL bad troubles.
Self destructing.
Please know you are loved, and are worth loving. You need to love yourself.
Life is worth living.
We love u snuf.
😍😢
I’m glad you back and glad for the update....
Truly sorry about your troubles.
You remind me of my daughter, who is having real REAL bad troubles.
Self destructing.
Please know you are loved, and are worth loving. You need to love yourself.
Life is worth living.
We love u snuf.
😍😢
Member
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 462
Snufkin, it's so lovely to see you back but I'm sorry it's under such difficult circumstances. I don't think we have ever spoken but I always kept up with your posts.
I'm sorry things have taken a turn for the worse but as you have seen you are strong and you can rebuild your life, it can be good again. All the progress you made isn't lost, the three months you spent sober will have let you learn a lot of new coping skills which you can now put to use to get things back on track.
Be brave and keep pushing forward, you can do it!
I'm sorry things have taken a turn for the worse but as you have seen you are strong and you can rebuild your life, it can be good again. All the progress you made isn't lost, the three months you spent sober will have let you learn a lot of new coping skills which you can now put to use to get things back on track.
Be brave and keep pushing forward, you can do it!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
I was wondering how you were doing the other day. Sorry to hear things haven't been so great,but you can get back to working for a better future. You know what 'works/has worked' for you and can add some more to getting 'past it all' now.. Still drawing?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,373
Thanks guys... It’s almost 7am here and I couldn’t sleep at all, but I didn’t drink yesterday. I did self-harm though, so not entirely a successful day huh...
DR, yeah still drawing, but losing motivation, although things weren’t that bad until now.
DR
, yeah still drawing, but losing motivation, although things weren’t that bad until now.
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,202
Hi Snufkin, I was wondering how you were. I'm sorry to read that you're struggling but you know you should take encouragement from the fact that you went three months, you proved you can do it. Seeing your psych would be a good idea because getting the right mindset is 90% of the way to sober. I'm sure he or she will be pleased to see you and will not be angry or disappointed about the lies, us drinkers do that all the time, mostly to ourselves. You can get yourself offf the treadmill and you will be armed with the knowledge then when you are disappointed or let down - something that everybody experiences - going back to drinking just makes everything worse. You can do this Snufkin.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 7,059
I was thinking about your posts just the other day and wondered how you are. I never contributed as I didn't feel qualified to comment.
Still don't really but just wanted to say hi and that I am sorry you have relapsed. I hope you can to pull it back and get sober again. Talk to your psychiatrist and ask for help, the lies are in the past and just part of your addiction issues.
Take Care Snufkin X
Still don't really but just wanted to say hi and that I am sorry you have relapsed. I hope you can to pull it back and get sober again. Talk to your psychiatrist and ask for help, the lies are in the past and just part of your addiction issues.
Take Care Snufkin X
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: here, now.
Posts: 1,236
Hey, you know, the thing about psychs is they are not our friends. They get paid to treat us and they know when we are lying.
Also, they don’t care except to explore why we lied to them. I bitterly thought that mine liked those explorations as a sadistic way of making me feel like crap and when I voiced it she said aha we are getting at something now, where does that feeling and thinking come from?! Lol.
Call the psych. You’ll be happy you did. Welcome back.
Also, they don’t care except to explore why we lied to them. I bitterly thought that mine liked those explorations as a sadistic way of making me feel like crap and when I voiced it she said aha we are getting at something now, where does that feeling and thinking come from?! Lol.
Call the psych. You’ll be happy you did. Welcome back.
Ocean Lover!
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: You know nothing Jon Snow - UK
Posts: 2,604
I am so sorry Snufkin that you’re going through so much pain. I have often thought about you and wondered how you were getting on back home. I am not sure what to advise other than keep close and keep posting, we are here for you and you are not alone in this. Like Sao said you got 3 months clean which is a great achievement and proves you have it in you, you can get there again Snufkin. xx
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 4,553
(((((Snufkin)))))
I'm so glad you have returned sweetheart but of course so terribly sorry you are in this state. You are very loved here and I hope you can somehow find the strength to access help and stay with us ❤❤❤
I'm so glad you have returned sweetheart but of course so terribly sorry you are in this state. You are very loved here and I hope you can somehow find the strength to access help and stay with us ❤❤❤
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Canada
Posts: 6,866
Hello Snuf! 
I was wondering how you were mon amie...♥
I found the start signal reaching my solid rock bottom.
Everything was going extremely wrong and death wasn't very far when I've stopped.
It looks like you're ready to have a fresh start.
I send you my best koala vibes
Stay with us, we can do this together
I was wondering how you were mon amie...♥
I found the start signal reaching my solid rock bottom.
Everything was going extremely wrong and death wasn't very far when I've stopped.
It looks like you're ready to have a fresh start.
I send you my best koala vibes
Stay with us, we can do this together
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,668
Snuf- I know you from before. A friend of mine- 1000k away, she sent me those words 'I could use a friend'... Life seemingly spiraled out of control, nothing and no one makes sense.
Well it does- for a start you have asked for help here, not isolating, trying.
What I did for my friend was listen, support - and make sure she was a safe as any one can help someone. So- stay safe- keep posting. You are not alone. Your life has value.
My prayers and support to you.
Well it does- for a start you have asked for help here, not isolating, trying.
What I did for my friend was listen, support - and make sure she was a safe as any one can help someone. So- stay safe- keep posting. You are not alone. Your life has value.
My prayers and support to you.
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