Clarity51

I haven't posted in a long time. I've just tried to moderate my drinking. Of course, I've had no success. I spend my life just working and trying to function. I drink once or twice a week. I failed big time last night. I drank alot all day yesterday and last night with my sister. She doesn't have a job so she can do that. I drink like there's no tomorrow. I drank until i vomited. Then i passed out on her couch. No way could i drive. I have no idea what time it was when i passed out on her couch. I did manage to ask her to set my alarm clock on my phone. It went off at 5 am...it was like waking up and being in a nightmare. I reset it for 6 and dozed back off for about 30 minutes. At 6 am, i hopped in my car and drove home. The word hangover is an understatement. I made coffee and got in the shower. I HAVE to go to work. Its not an option unless i want to lose my job. I felt so weak in the shower but i managed. While brushing my teeth, i was gagging so bad it was nearly impossible to finish. My face is red. My eyes are swollen and red. Im laying here writing this for a moment before i have to finish getting ready. I have to work for 9 hours. How im going to do this, i dont know. I am grateful that i have a desk job...at least its not manual labor. I am so ashamed and sick of going through this. I feel so lost. I wish i had the money and time to just work on healing myself. I just needed to reach out to someone. If you are a praying person, would you please pray for me?, even though i don't feel like i deserve it. Thank you

wildflower70

Good morning,

I have been in your shoes so many times.....have you considered that you may still be intoxicated? I think it would be better to call in sick, than to risk a DUI or coworkers noticing that your drunk.

Things can always get worse.....be careful.

Midwest1981

I said a prayer for you. Drink a lot of fluids and eat if you can. ...then rest tonight. Tomorrow will be a lot better. You don’t ever have to feel this way again. Keep posting.

snitch

Hey Katlyn. I prayed for God to help get you through today and for Him to give you the strength and the courage to never have to take that first demon drink ever again.

I know that God can help you because He helps keep me sober every day. 10 months ago I was a total wreck and I prayed so hard and I came here and posted like you did and then I went into AA. Everyday, I pray to God to keep me sober, I post here, I go to an AA meeting, I speak to my sponsor or another alcoholic and work the steps and I haven't had to pick up a drink which is a miracle!

You CAN do this. You really never have to feel this way again and I can now confirm what I used to read from others all the time... there is life after alcohol and a far better, enjoyable, rewarding one too.

Just get through the day drink loads of water and get home to bed. Eat something nourishing if you can. You don't need loads of money ot loads of time to work on yourself. I used to think that but it's not true. I haven't had either but I am doing it and you can too.

NerfThis

Reading that gave me chills and took me right back to those days where I woke up to that same nightmare. It's been 7 months since I felt that morning anxiety and I absolutely never want to go back.

I'm not a religious person, therefore I don't really believe that prayers are going to solve any one's problems (although I do believe that people with faith can use that as an effective tool to help and support them) However, I do believe in a person's own ability to turn their lives around with the right action.

Why do you require money and time to work on healing yourself? You can start immediately. It takes time and money to drink and you are able to do that, so you can definitely take time to work on sobriety.

AmbyMarie

Hawkeye13

I've been there too Katherine--lucky for me I have my own office, so could dry heave into my trash can unobserved.

Resolve to make this your last Day 1.
Take care and try to get some water down for hydration and maybe some crackers to get something on your stomach.

enginear26

You deserve to be free of your relationship to alcohol. It's like a bad marriage we keep going back to because we get tricked into thinking we can't have better in our lives.

Everyone deserves better. EVERYONE!

CRRHCC

My prayers are with you.
​​You can't get addicted to a substance that does not do something for you. Abusive drinking always serves an emotional purpose. That purpose is usually to regain control over circumstances that are perceived to be intolerable and overwhelming rendering a person feeling helpless.

Alcoholics, have learned to regain control of their emotions with a quick fix or mood changer of alcohol. Non alcoholics empower themselves and regain control of their emotions by facing them directly or replacing them with some other high value behavior.

While there are many secular approaches to resolving addictive behavior, the ultimate, empowering and truly unique solution, only comes from God, with an indwelling and seminal psychotherapist and psychoanalyst (Paraclete/Mentor) and He’s freely provided it to every one of His children (John 14:16). “He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless” (Isaiah 40:29). ​"His grace is sufficient for us, for there is power in weakness." 2 Cor. 12:9-10

Clarity51

Thank you so very much everybody. I really appreciate the prayers and the replies more than i can convey. I did try to eat but i couldnt stomach much of it. Im on my 2nd glass of water. I can only pray my co workers dont know...but i have to be here. Taking off is not an option. I know i deserve to feel this bad for poisoning myself yet again...but its so horrible! I hope dont forget how this feels but i usually do.

doggonecarl

Make the vow never to drink again. Ever. Then you don't have to remember how you feel.

You just have to remember you don't drink anymore.

360shoes

You got it Katlyne. Sending those prayers right now.

You just described me. Except I would be jobless by now. I wouldn't have gotten out of bed.

If we got what we deserved, no one would get anything good. Not a one of us.
xoxo

Clarity51

Thank you, so much 360shoes!! Just the acceptance i've gotten from everyone is enough to bring tears to my eyes.

WhoDeyPI

I certainly don't miss that, but I've been there. Usually drinking on Sunday just to avoid getting the shakes, but then overdoing it and blacking out....waking up Monday morning at 6 to my alarm...TIME FOR WORK!

Can't put in my contact lenses because my eyes are too dry and will turn red and burn. Can't brush my teeth bc I gag. Can feel myself sweating just by walking out to my car. Horrible...and at one point that was my morning, every morning! Then getting to my office and feeling that EVERYONE knows that I'm hungover, or still drunk and they can smell the alcohol sweat out of me as I shake trying to write a simple note. Staring at the clock until it hits 5 so I can go to the liquor store for my fix..just to feel better for a few hours before doing it all over.

sydneyman

What a reminder your post is how my life was. I can almost feel your feelings. I have also been there. You can change you know. It isn't easy but it can be done. Strength to you. Life is so much better sober.

MLD51

Wow. Your description of how you feel this morning takes me right back to those horrible days. I did that for YEARS, at least a couple of days a work week. Weekends were usually even worse. I feel for you, I really do. Such misery. And a stark reminder to me why I don't ever want to drink again.

So - what are you going to do so that you never have to feel this way again? Do you have a plan to quit drinking for once and for all, now that you have tried moderating, and realize you can't? For me, it took outpatient treatment, AA, coming here a lot, admitting out loud to anyone who would listen that I was an alcoholic and was getting help and needed support. That was the beginning of over 4 years of sobriety up to now (and I plan to be sober the rest of my life).

You probably can't get and stay sober without some kind of help. Can you take some action toward getting help, like today?

And if you need reminders of how horrible you feel today, just come back to this post, as often as you need to.

Clarity51

Thank you so much for sharing that with me, Whodey. Im sorry you had to go thru that...but its nice to know there are people who understand what im going thru.

NerfThis

Katlyne, I'm curious as to your plan for quitting drinking? A couple of people have asked, but you've not responded to those posts.

Clarity51

Thank you MLD. In answer to your question...I've decided that im going to go to an AA meeting tomorow as I will be off work. I was going to a few meetings last summer but i just wanted to learn to moderate my drinking so i quit going. As much as i wish could, moderate drinking is impossible for me.

ReadyAtLast

The February class would be a great place to start katlyne